Adam, Nick
Ko... di... ak...
Lou
Valley! ****in' K-Vals!
Hot Tub Time Machine quotes
Page 1 of 3
Adam
One little change has a ripple effect, and it affects everything else. Like a butterfly floats its wings and Tokyo explodes or there's a tsunami in like, you know, somewhere.
Jacob
Yes, exactly. You step on the bug and the **** internet is never invented.
Lou
Oh, then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.
Jacob
Yeah, no. I was more concerned about bigger consequences, like not being born.
Lou
Yeah, no. I don't care about that.
Adam
Why do you waste your time with that Second Life bullshit? Look at you. You're still in jail. You were in jail last week.
Jacob
Yeah, I'm a prisoner. It's called "doing hard time".
Adam
Can't you be like a warrior or shaman or orc or some shit like that?
Adam
Why don't you do something out of the house this weekend?
Jacob
What should I do out of the house this weekend, Uncle Adam?
Adam
Something in the course of reality. Get a job. Go to college.
Jacob
That all sounds overrated.
April
What happened to your...
Adam
I got stabbed in the face with a fork. I saw it coming, I avoided it, I didn't avoid it. It happened to me in a different way.
Jacob
[Referring to Lou]
Do you remember when I was 12 and he tried to bite me.
Adam
Yeah, but you had that coming.
Jacob
[to Lou]
I have some adavain, but it's different.
Lou
Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob
It's not a suppository!
Lou
It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!
Jacob
I'm kinda right in the middle of a thing right now, but can I text you later?
Girl at Club
Can you what?
Jacob
Are you online at all?
Girl at Club
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Jacob
How do I get a hold of you?
Girl at Club
You come find me.
Jacob
That sounds... exhausting.
Lou
[On his knees]
Oh, wow, good for you.
Nick
[Eyes closed, crying]
I know, right?
Lou
It's like Gary Coleman's **** forearm. It's so black, so impossibly black. Oh God, I love you, buddy.
Nick
Don't say that!
Lou
I'm sorry, I do!
Lou
[to Adam and Nick]
Oh man, what the ****'s he doing here?
Jacob
Nice to see you too, Lou.
Lou
[mimicking]
Nice to see you too, Lou. **** you, Jacob! You suck and you know it! You just ruined my **** weekend.
Lou
Every young man's fantasy is to have a three-way.
Jacob
Yeah, not with another **** guy!
Lou
It's still a three-way!
Lou
****in' Russian energy drink, Chernobly. It's got this shit in it, not even legal here.
Adam
What's in it?
Lou
How the **** am I supposed to know, dude? But it's illegal.
Lou
Goddamn it, who the **** are you texting with?
Jacob
Just a friend.
Lou
Male or **** female?
Jacob
For your information, I have had lots of girlfriends. Hot ones.
Lou
No, you have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones.
Lou
I love you, Jacob!
Jacob
**** you!
Lou
[to Adam]
Little scamp. They say the damnest things, man.
Lou
It's the **** 80's, guys. Let's do what we want to do. Free Love!
Jacob
That was the 60's, dipshit.
Adam
We had like Reagan and AIDS. Get the **** outta here, okay? Do the right thing, Violator!