Lou quotes from Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

View Quote Outta my way stool

View Quote [to Jacob, while Lou is shocked that the former does not have ritalin] Don't ****in' lie to me. Every one of you people have ritalin.

View Quote I wanna **** something!

View Quote It's called male bonding, okay? Haven't you even seen Wild Hogs'?

View Quote God, relax. It's like you've haven't seen a little **** on your friend's face before.

View Quote Okay, lay down. We got a stupid baby to make.

View Quote [trying to disclaim rumors of his impotence] Oh God! I'm gonna ****! Shia Lebeouf! I'm **** Adam's sister! Dropping loads! So much **** semen! Little Tiny Jacobs!

View Quote Here's a question: Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? Perhaps. Here's another question: Do I give a ****?

View Quote Why don't you shut your slut mouth and mind your own **** business?

View Quote If I wanted to kill myself, I'd **** kill myself. I'd be awesome at it. A shotgun to the dick.

Scenes with Lou

View Quote Adam, Nick: Ko... di... ak...
Lou: Valley! ****in' K-Vals!

View Quote Lou: Goddamn it, who the **** are you texting with?
Jacob: Just a friend.
Lou: Male or **** female?
Jacob: For your information, I have had lots of girlfriends. Hot ones.
Lou: No, you have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones.

View Quote Jacob: [to Lou] I have some adavain, but it's different.
Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob: It's not a suppository!
Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

View Quote Adam: One little change has a ripple effect, and it affects everything else. Like a butterfly floats its wings and Tokyo explodes or there's a tsunami in like, you know, somewhere.
Jacob: Yes, exactly. You step on the bug and the **** internet is never invented.
Lou: Oh, then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.
Jacob: Yeah, no. I was more concerned about bigger consequences, like not being born.
Lou: Yeah, no. I don't care about that.

View Quote Lou: It's the **** 80's, guys. Let's do what we want to do. Free Love!
Jacob: That was the 60's, dipshit.
Adam: We had like Reagan and AIDS. Get the **** outta here, okay? Do the right thing, Violator!

View Quote Lou: [to Adam and Nick] Oh man, what the ****'s he doing here?
Jacob: Nice to see you too, Lou.
Lou: [mimicking] Nice to see you too, Lou. **** you, Jacob! You suck and you know it! You just ruined my **** weekend.

View Quote Lou: [On his knees] Oh, wow, good for you.
Nick: [Eyes closed, crying] I know, right?
Lou: It's like Gary Coleman's **** forearm. It's so black, so impossibly black. Oh God, I love you, buddy.
Nick: Don't say that!
Lou: I'm sorry, I do!

View Quote Lou: Every young man's fantasy is to have a three-way.
Jacob: Yeah, not with another **** guy!
Lou: It's still a three-way!

View Quote Lou: ****in' Russian energy drink, Chernobly. It's got this shit in it, not even legal here.
Adam: What's in it?
Lou: How the **** am I supposed to know, dude? But it's illegal.

View Quote Lou: I love you, Jacob!
Jacob: **** you!
Lou: [to Adam] Little scamp. They say the damnest things, man.

View Quote Lou: Woah, woah, woah. Webber ****in' Agnew? You took your wife's last name? You're a ****in' hyphenate?
Nick: Lots of dudes are doin' it. It's progressive.
Lou: No, no dudes are doing it. It's not progressive. [to Cashier] You look like a pretty progressive guy. Would you do that?
Cashier: Nooo.
Lou: [to Nick] You see that? He wouldn't do it. And he's got a goatee!

Other characters in Hot Tub Time Machine (2010): Jacob · Nick · Adam · Blaine · Father Time (A.K.A.) The Hot Tub Repair Man