Jack Banning quotes from Hook (1991)

Boy, why are you crying?

Because I couldn't get my shadow to stick. Besides, I wasn't crying.

I shall sew it on for you, my little man. It may hurt a little.

I shall sew it on for you, my little man. It may hurt a little.

What's your name?

Wendy Moira Angela Darling. What's yours?

Peter Pan.

Moira

Watch your daughter. She's wonderful.

Yeah.

She's stealing the show.

I think it's perfectly sweet of you.

Louder.

I think it's perfectly sweet of you. I shall give you a kiss if you like. Don't you know what a kiss is?

I shall, once you give one to me. Now I shall give you a kiss. I don't ever wanna become a man. Yuck. I always wanna be a little boy and to have fun.

We wanna be like Peter Pan. We don't wanna grow up.

Brad. Yeah, I'm at my daughter's play.

When it's time to be a man, we're not gonna show up.

It's impossible. I'm on a plane to London tomorrow night with my family. A children's hospital is dedicating an entire wing to Granny Wendy. Brad....

Moira

Peter, you're missing it.

All right. I want a meeting, tomorrow a.m.

Jack

Dad, my game. You promised.

Listen, it's my son's big game. Last game of the season. Santa Series. I gotta be there. I promised. So... We'll make it a short meeting. [whispers to Jack] I'll be there. My word is my bond.

We never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, ever wanna grow up. Yuck!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, your Captain again. Please do not allow this minor turbulence to disturb you. For now, please sit back, relax. Enjoy the remainder of the flight. Thank you.

Look what Jack drew.

That's very nice, dear. What's that?

Fire.

Fire. Really? Is that our plane?

Yep.

Who are these people?

That's Jack, that's me, that's Mom and that's you.

Where's my parachute? I won't make it to my next birthday.

Moira

You won't die without a phone.

I got the phone in the briefcase.

Talk to him.

Why didn't I have a parachute, Jackie?

Jack

Take a wild guess.

Jackie.

Jack

Jack.

Will you stop? You can break a window.

Jack

They're double-layered. You can't break them.

Give me that.

Jack

You're afraid you'll get sucked out.

I'm not afraid of being sucked out.

Jack

Yes, you are. You're afraid you'll be sucked out.

Just stop. Jack, next season, I'm coming to six games. I promise.

Jack

Yeah, be sure to buy enough videotape.

Hey. Jack. My word is my bond.

Jack

Yeah, junk bond!

What's the matter with you? When are you gonna stop acting like a child?

Jack

I am a child.

Grow up.

It's been a long time.

Let's have fun, Peter. London's a magical place for children. It was for us.

Very expensive. Jack, don't do that. You could put someone's eye out.

Maggie. Maggie. Peter, it's number 14.

Oh, 14. Sorry.

What do you say to Granny Wendy? "How do you do?"

Jack, get down from there. You break your leg. Be careful.

Is Granny Wendy the real, real Wendy from my play?

Yes. Sort of.

No, honey, not really. Jackie, don't be a sloucher. Take that gum out of your mouth. It's time to look our best. First impressions are the most important. Shoes tied. Shirt tucked. You know this. [arriving at Wendy's home, knocks on the door] Remember, you're in England, land of good manners. [the door opens, to old man behind the door] Uncle Tootles.

Tootles

It's snowing! [slams the door closed on the Bannings]

Liza

Look at these adorable children!

It's good to see you, Libby-- Linda-- Lisa-- Liza. I said that.

Liza

Oh, Moira, how are you? You look wonderful! Oh, my God! Look at the size-- Look at you! Such a sweet thing! Granny Wendy will be right down.

She's upstairs?

Liza

Oh, yeah, good.

Big boy. You could play rugby.

Jack

No, baseball.

Liza

Oh, look.

Did you do this for us?

Liza

Yes, been cooking all week.

Thank you.

Liza

You've been cooking? What've you been cooking? Mince pies? Snaps?

Peter, look at this. Look at this.

Who's that?

It's you.

Was I ever that young?

Yes.

What's gotten into you?

This house has gotten to me. Some of those things I was when I was young have never left me. Oh, thank God, Peter. We were children in these rooms.

Tootles

Lost, lost, lost.

Lost what?

Tootles

I've lost my marbles.

Okay… Lisa? Lisa.

Liza

Liza.

Liza, I thought he was supposed to be in a home.

Liza

It broke Wendy's heart, it did. After all, Tootles is Wendy's first orphan. Which is which?

Large bag's mine, uh, that’s one’s Moira’s and the smaller ones are the children's bags.

Peter?

What?

Brad's on the line. He says it's urgent!

Peter, do you like my dress?

Great, Gran. Real nice. Thanks. Hey, Brad. Good news? What? What Sierra Club report? I thought we had these guys.

He's trying to suck my blood. He drools all over my neck.

What did they find?

That's a portable phone--

A Cozy Blue Owl? Well, listen. Casualties of evolution. Ask them if anybody misses the Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Jack

I do! Boy, do I ever! Wow, you kidding?

Wait a minute. You telling me a 10-inch owl has a 50-mile mating radius? Why don't they just fornicate someplace else? You're telling-- A $5-billion deal is falling apart because of this? Why doesn't somebody just shoot me in the head?

Jack

Bang! Bang!

Will everybody just shut up?!

Jack

I'm sorry.

Leave me alone for one moment! Moira, get them out of here, will you?! I'm on the phone call of my life!

Moira

Come on, Jack. Come on. Out, out, out.

Come with me. I'll show you the window where your father and I used to stand and blow out the stars.

I never should've come here. I should've stayed till the deal was done.

Moira

You haven't been here for 10 years. Granny asked you to visit.

I've been busy.

Moira

You promised the children some real time here. You've looked at your cell more than them.

That's not true.

Moira

How many more broken promises, Peter?

It's Brad, Moira. I gotta take this call. I gotta fix this.

Moira

No, you gotta fix your family first.

Peter, hello? Peter, are you there?

What...?

Moira

I'm sorry about your deal.

You hated the deal.

Moira

I hated the deal. But I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you. They want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children... when they're the ones that want us around. After that you'll be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast, Peter. It's a few years, then it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.

Peter, where are you? Peter. Peter. Peter.

"All children, except one, grow up." Now, you know where fairies come from, don't you, Maggie? [reads with Maggie] "When the first baby laughed for the first time... the laugh broke into a thousand pieces... and they all went skipping about. That was the beginning of fairies." [She flips through a beautiful 1911 first edition of Peter and Wendy to show the original illustration of Wendy Darling sitting at the windowsill staring up into the starry night sky.] And look. [turns the page to show an illustration of her young self] I'm Wendy. Or was, a long time ago.

But Jack says you're not the really "real" Wendy.

Do you see where Jack is? Well, that's the same window and this is the same room where we made up bedtime stories about Peter and Never Land and scary old Captain Hook. And do you know, Mr. Barrie…well, Sir James, our neighbour, he loved our stories so much that he wrote them all down in a book. Oh, dear me, 80 years ago.

You're really old.

That's very true.

I'm sorry to break this up, but I have to steal Granny or she'll be late for the most important event of her life.

Oh, dear.

Daddy, I made something for you. You're gonna love this. [holds up a parachute] It's a hug. Next time you fly, you won't have to be scared.

She's made you a parachute.

That's very clever, dear. Jack? Jack, get away from there. What have I told you about playing near open windows? Keep this window closed. I told you this a hundred times. Do we have open windows at home?

Jack

No. They've all got bars on them.

Come on, into bed.

Jack

Who took my baseball?

That mean, scary man at the window stole it.

There's no scary man.

But he says he's a window washer.

Come on, honey.

What's this?

Jack

A baseball glove. You can catch things with it...... take hot things out of the oven, or you can hit your sister with it.

Tootles made it for me. It smells nice.

It's paper, honey.

Night.

Hey, Jack. Faker. Jack, you're in charge now. This is my very special watch, so you can keep track of the time.

Don't go out, Mom. Please.

Good night.

Dear night-lights, protect my sleeping babes. Burn clear and steadfast tonight.

I read recently that they're now using lawyers instead of rats for experiments. They do this for two reasons: One, the scientists become less attached to the lawyers. And two, there are certain things that even rats won't do. I thank the board of trustees of the Ormond Street Hospital for having me here this evening and beg your forgiveness because normally I'm used to addressing shareholders. We don't know each other, and I doubt that we have very much in common... except this wonderful woman, Wendy Angela Darling. Granny Wendy brought me in from the cold. She taught me to read and write. She even found people to be my parents and adopt me. She's loved so many children... just so efforlete--efforse-- effortlessly. That's her achievement. Many of you here tonight were once lost children... but Granny Wendy found parents and homes for each of you... and saved you. That's her miracle. I know that if you could stand now you would express much better than I have your feelings of gratitude appreciation and warm feelings for this wonderful woman. I guess we do have something in common. We're orphans.

Captain Hook

Now pay attention, class. We have a lot to go over. Lesson One: Why parents hate their children. Anyone?

Doesn't Mommy read to us every night?

Captain Hook

You! The cute little urchin in the front row. Won't you share your thoughts with the whole class?

Yes! I said Mommy reads to us every night, because she loves us very much!

Captain Hook

Loves you? [To Smee] Isn't that the, uh, the, um...?

Smee

The 'L' word, Captain.

Captain Hook

Ooh, yes! No, child! I think your mother reads to you every night in order to stupefy you to sleep, so that she and Daddy can sit down for three measly minutes without you and you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive and nagging demands! "He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want! Me, me, me, me! Mine, mine, mine, mine! Now, now, now!" [inhales deeply] Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.

Smee

And conk you out.

That's not true, Jack! [to Hook] You're a liar!

Captain Hook

Lie? Me? [laughs] Never. [inhales deeply again] The truth is far too much fun. Oh, my child, before you were born, your parents would stay up all night together. just to see the sunrise. Don't be frightened. Maggie, before you were born, they were happier. They were free.

You are a bad man.

Captain Hook

Smee, flunk the maggot.

Smee

Abso-flogging-lutely.

An F? An F? He gave me an F!

Captain Hook

Jack. Your father went to your sister's school play, did he not? But did he go to your baseball game?

Jack

How'd you know about that?

Captain Hook

He missed the most important game on what might have been the most important day... of your young life.

I wanna tear your hook off!

Captain Hook

Easy.

I hate, I hate you, Mr. Hook!

Captain Hook

What did I tell you, Smee? No little children love me.

Smee

Of course they do. Come on, you. [grabs Maggie] You're depressing the Captain.

Captain Hook

Get that little squidling out of here.

Jack, you listen to me! Never Land makes you forget! Never forget... Mommy or Daddy! Think of a way to run home, Jack! Run home!

Jack

Run home?

Captain Hook

Jack. [puts his hook in front of his face; Jack's eyes widen a bit] You are home. [laughs] Right?

When you're all alone. Far away from home. There's a gift the angel sent. When you're alone.

Jack

My mom sang that song.

Smee

My young Jack, tell me about the game of baseball. I can't remember. Are the mates standing or are they on horseback?

The stars are all my friends. Till the night-time ends. So I know. I'm not alone. When I'm here on my own. Isn't that a wonder. When you're alone. You're not alone. Not really alone.

Good night, Never Land!

Captain Hook

What is it? I hear it. I hear it again. Smee, it's that crocodile back from the dead? Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock! Is that the clock?

Smee

You killed that croc years ago, Captain. We smash every clock we find. Little elf didn't know any better.

Captain Hook

To the museum, at once.

Shine them up! Put a fresh coat of varnish on your peg, right here!

Treasure maps! Authentic treasure maps! Trade ‘em here!

Captain Hook

Come on, Jack. Are you ready? Come to see. Ahh! Broken clocks. Each one ticked its last tock, and now all is well. Just listen.

Jack

I don't hear anything.

Captain Hook

I know! Good form! Exactly. Jack, you see this? Come over here. You can take it. This is Barbecue's very own bedside clock. He was quite an infamous pirate. You see, Jack, I smashed this clock immediately after I gutted him.

Smee

And his ship made such a pretty bonfire on the waves.

Captain Hook

Such a pretty, pretty……What is that I hear? A ticking. Smee, stop it! Stop the ticking! Stop that! Stop that "tick-tick"!

Smee

There's no ticking here. There's nothing left to tick.

Jack

Oh, my God.

This is for the ticking that might have been.

Smee

Abso-flogging-lutely!

Captain Hook

Get his father's watch!

Smee

All right.

Captain Hook

Go on. [in the Museum where all clocks are destroyed. Hook hands Jack a hammer to destroy his father's watch] You know you want to. Give it a try. Go on.

Jack

This is for… never letting me blow bubbles in my chocolate milk!

Smee

Yes!

Captain Hook

Ha ha! Good form! Bravo!

Smee

There you go! In’t that wonderful?

Jack

This is for never letting me jump on my own bed.

Captain Hook

Make time stand still, laddie.

Jack

For always making promises and breaking them!

Jack

For never doing anything with me.

Captain Hook

For a father who's never there, Jack. Jack, for a father who didn't save you on the ship.

Jack

Who wouldn't save us....

Captain Hook

Who couldn't save you, Jack.

Jack

He wouldn't. He didn't even try. He was there, we were there, and he wouldn't try.

Captain Hook

Jack, he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don't you answer now. No, no, no, no. Now it's time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home...that place of broken promises.

Jack

That what?

Captain Hook

Have I ever made a promise, Jack.….. I have not kept? Have I, Son?

Come on. Let's go. I don't like this game.

Latchboy

“Steal Hook's hook as fast as you can.”

Pockets

“It'll make you proud.”

“Then you crow like Pan.”

Captain Hook

Confound it, Druscilla, glove me. The game is about to start. I need my bubbly. Give me my bubbly.

Hook! Hook! Hook! Hook! Hook! Hook! Hook! Hook!

Steal Hook's hook, then crow!
Don't Ask: Yeah.

Captain Hook

Jackie, boy! Jack! This is for all the games your daddy missed. Hook would never miss your game, Son.

You're almost there. Just take it.

Pockets

What's he looking at?

Come on, you're this close.
Don't Ask: What's the matter? It's right here.

Latchboy

What's wrong?

Grab it, come on. Grab it, Peter.

Come on, Jack.

Smee

And one. and a-two.... And at toodle-loodle-loo!

Strike!

Wait for the good pitches. [pirate voice] Wait for the good pitches.

Jack! Jack! He's our man. If he can't do it, no one can!

He's stealing second!

Captain Hook

No, no, no! No, now stop it! We're playing this game according to Master Jack's rules! Bad form! it down now! Let's resume the game. [To the lady next to him] Very violent sport, isn't it, baseball?

Come on, Jack!

Run home, Jack! Run home, Jack!

Jack

"Run home, Jack."

Captain Hook

Smee, no, no, no! They've got it backwards! Tell them to turn it around!

Jack

Maggie?

Smee

Switch!

Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack!

Home run, Jack. Home run, Jack. He can't hit the curve.

Smee

Jack!

Jack

Yeah!

Ohh!

Captain Hook

My Jack!

My Jack.

Captain Hook

You did it! Hoist him up! That's my boy! You did it, Son!

Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Jack! Jack! Yay, Jack!

Captain Hook

Jack, it's a very special time when a pirate receives his first earring. Such a very beautiful feeling. It's like the first time you run someone through with your blade.

Captain Hook

Now, Jack.. I'm gonna ask you to bend your head ever so slightly A little more. That's it. And brace yourself, lad, because this....is really going to hurt. Smee, what is that?

Jack

Who is that, Captain?

Captain Hook

It's Peter Pan. Has it been three days? 'Tis true, Peter...…time does fly. And so do you, I see. How did you ever manage to fit into those smashing tights again, Peter?

Hand over my son now and you and your men may go free.

Captain Hook

Why don't you ask the lad yourself. Jack, someone to see you, Son.

Jack, give me your hand. We're going home.

Jack

I am home.

Captain Hook

Good form. You see, Peter, he is my son He loves me dearly. And I'm prepared to fight dearly for him. I've waited long to shake your hand with this. Peter Pan, prepare to meet thy doom!
Peter Pan': You dark and sinister man, have at thee.

Captain Hook

Don't you love it, laddie? Once you've shed blood, it's hard to stop! It's a pirate's life, my lad!

Jack, Jack!

Jack

Don't I know him?

Captain Hook

No, you've never seen him before!

Jack, you won't believe this I found my happy thought. It took me three days, then guess what happened when I did? Up I went! You know what my happy thought was? It was you.

Jack

That's my dad, but...he hates to fly.

Peter!

Lost Boys.

Victory Basquet! Victory Basquet!

Captain Hook

Peter! Where are you going? Come back here and fight me! Or I'll find you wherever you are! Bad form, Peter! Come back!!

You need a mother very, very badly!

Captain Hook

Smee! Follow me!

Smee

Just moving your personal, sir.

Captain Hook

Peter, I swear to you, wherever you go, wherever you are.... I vow there will always be daggers bearing notes signed "James Hook." They will be flung at the doors of your children's children's children. Do you hear me?

What do you want, old man?

Captain Hook

Just you.

You've got me, James Hook. [flies back] Pan "The Avenger" is back.

Captain Hook

And the Hook is waiting, Peter Pan.

Put up your swords, boys. It's Hook and me this time.

Captain Hook

Prepare to die, Peter.

To die would be a great adventure.

Captain Hook

Death is the only adventure you have left.

I remember you being a lot bigger.

Captain Hook

To a 10-year-old, I'm huge.

No pain, no gain, James!

Pan!

Good form, old man.

Captain Hook

You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. You'll wake up, you'll be Peter Banning... a selfish man who drinks too much... who's obsessed with success... and runs and hides from his wife and children.

I believe in you.

I believe in you.

Pockets

I believe in you, Peter.

I believe in you.

Jack

You are the Pan. You're Peter Pan.

I believe in you... Peter Pan.

Jack

Bad form!

Latchboy

Jack, stop!

Jack

I know her.

She looks like an angel. Let's not wake her yet.

Jack

Okay.

My dear child, have you been up all night?

Moira

I see them in their bed so often in my dreams. When I wake up, they're still there.

Mommy!

Jack

Mom!

Tink? Tink? Tink?

Sweeper (Smee)

Hello. Having trouble with the missus? You will have, by the time you get home.

Tink.

Say it, Peter. Say it and mean it.

I believe in fairies.

Do you know that place between sleep and awake……where you still remember dreaming? [Peter nods] That's where I'll always love you……Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.

Ouch. Nana! Oh, give us a kiss! Come here, you drool machine! Maggie, Moira, Jack! Tink? Wow! Brad! Hi! Have you been holding this long? Uh-huh. I'm incredible! Yeah. Never Land. Uh-huh. Lost Boys. Jim Hook. Duel to the death. I'll fill you in later. Listen, I'd love to chat.... but I'm gonna climb a drainpipe now. Why? Because I ran out of fairy dust. If not, I would've flown up. "Why?"

Jack

There were pirates--!-

And monsters there. Just like you said!

Maggie, Moira, Jack. Granny Wendy. Let me in. Please.

Jack

Excuse me, do you have an appointment?

What did I tell you about this window? Always keep it open! Never, ever, ever close. [his phone rings] I have to take this. [answers it] Have you ever known what it's like to feel the exhilaration of really flying? Feel this.

Moira

Where have you been?

Fly me, Daddy. Fly me!

Anytime, Maggie. To infinity and back again.

Tootles

Hello, Peter. I missed the adventure again, didn't I?

I think these belong to you.

Tootles

Look! See, look! I didn't lose my marbles after all! Wendy, look! See? I didn't lose my marbles after all!

Hello, boy.

Hello, Wendy lady. Give us a skwoodge.

Boy, why are you crying?

I don't know. A tear for every happy thought.

One for me?

Jack

One for me?

One for me?

Tootles

And one for me! [laughs]

Tootles

Seize the day!

So your adventures are over.

Oh, no. To live.... To live would be an awfully big adventure.
[The End]