J.D. Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling.
Played by Christian Slater 
Heathers (1989) · 83 quotes
Heathers (1989) · 83 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Heathers (1989): in 27 of its 83 quotes
Most scenes with: Veronica Sawyer (8)
People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.
More lines from J.D.
15 quotes J.D. J.D. This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
J.D. The extreme always seems to make an impression.
J.D. I like it. It's got that it's-a-cruel-world-let's-throw-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.
J.D. Our love is God. Let's go get a slushie.
J.D. Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.
J.D. [underlining words in Moby Dick]
Es-ki-mo...
J.D. They're Ich lüge bullets. [In German, "Ich lüge" translates to "I'm lying"]
J.D. The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.
J.D. Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes.
J.D. I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya...
J.D. I knew that loose was too noose... uh... noose too loose...
J.D. [reading from his petition]
"We, students at Westerburg High, will die. Today. Our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest to a society that degrades us. **** you all!"
J.D. Color me impressed. You, uh... you really **** me up pretty bad, Veronica. You, um... you got power, power I didn’t think you had. The slate is clean.
J.D. Let's pretend I blew up the school - all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?
Scenes with J.D.
11 scenes J.D. Greetings and salutations... you a Heather?
No, I'm a Veronica.... Sawyer.
We're doing a poll. This may seem like a really stupid question...
J.D. There are no stupid questions.
You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
J.D. That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.
Kurt Kelly
Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no **** allowed rule?
J.D. Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don't they?
J.D. Is your life perfect?
I'm on my way to a party at Remington University.... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
J.D. I... I don't really like your friends either.
Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
J.D. Maybe it's time to take a vacation.
I just killed my best friend.
J.D. And your worst enemy.
Same difference.
Kurt's Dad My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.
J.D. Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.
J.D. Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D. Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.
You can't use that knife. That knife is filthy.
J.D. What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?
Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.
J.D. I just had the nicest little chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously. It's kind of scary that everyone's got a little story to tell. You wanna see the canoeing shots?
What is this? Blackmail? [pause] I'll give you a week's lunch money.
J.D. I don't want your money. I want your strength. Westerburg does not need mushy togetherness. It needs a strong leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but...
But she couldn't handle it.
J.D. I think you can. Moby Dick is dunked. The white whale drank some bad plankton and splashed through a coffee table and now it's your turn to take the helm.
What about the photographs?
J.D. Oh, don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favor. That will be one you'll enjoy. Then you'll get the negatives and everything back then. But in the meantime... strength. Here's a little gift. From Heather to Heather. [gives her Heather Chandler's red hair bow]
Oh my God! I just killed my best friend!
J.D. And your worst enemy!
Same difference!
J.D. What are we gonna tell the cops? "**** it if she can't take a joke, Sarge"?!
Oh, the cops! I can't believe this is my life! Oh my God! I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford!
J.D. Ah, right. Just a little freaked here. Well, at least you got what ya wanted, ya know?
Got what I wanted?! It is one thing to want somebody out of your life! It is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer!
J.D. Do you think that just because you started this thing you can end it?!
I'll kill you! I'll **** kill you! I swear to God! How do I turn off the Goddamn bomb, asshole?!
J.D. [flips the bird at Veronica]
**** YOU! [Veronica shoots his middle finger] Shit!
It's all over, J.D.! Help me stop it!
J.D. You wanna clean the slate as much as I do! All right, so maybe I am killing everyone in the school, because nobody loves me! Let's face it, all right? The only place where different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven!
Which button do I press to turn it off?!
J.D. [sarcastic]
Try the red one, all right?! [gestures towards the bomb, which has three red buttons] Seriously, people are gonna look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there is a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society!" That's pretty deep, huh?
WHICH red button?!
J.D. Press the one in the middle to turn it off - if that's what you really want.
You know what I want, babe?
J.D. What?! [tries to attack but Veronica shoots him to stop the bomb]
Cool guys like you out of my life.
