Dexter Okay, now this "grinder" of yours. Is it a real grinder or is it just some kind of metaphor?
Played by Kenan Thompson 
Good Burger (1997) · 69 quotes
Good Burger (1997) · 69 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Good Burger (1997): in 30 of its 69 quotes
Most scenes with: Ed (14), Kurt (5), Monique (4)
I don't wanna sit by you. I don't wanna see you. I don't wanna smell you. I don't wanna hang out with you. I don't even wannna use words with the letter "U!"
More lines from Dexter
5 quotes Dexter Dexter See right about now I'd slap you in your head but I'm not sure your brain would understand the concept of pain!
Dexter Hey look, Ed. It's the Mondo idiot!
Dexter (after smashing his mother's car into Mr. Wheat's)
Why?!
Dexter WHHHHHY?!?!
Scenes with Dexter
24 scenes
What's your hurry, my brother?
Dexter Uh, my hurry is it's now officially summer vacation and yet I'm still looking at you.
You're an amazing student. I mean, you sit there and get your test done first, and you were concentrating so hard I thought you were sleep.
Dexter Next time make it more challenging.
That's what I want to talk to you about. Challenges, potential, using your mind. Cause I'm worried about you
Dexter I'm worried about you, too. Have you seen yourself lately? The 'fro, the boots, and this jacket...You have a nice summer, Shaft!
Jake Nice car. This yours?
Dexter No. It's my mom's, but she's out of town on business.
Jake And she let you drive this while she's out of town?
Dexter Nope. (speeds off)
I should've died years ago.
Dexter Bummer.
Dexter Well, It'd be a lot more quiet if you stopped blowing the whistle.
(addressing employees)
From now on your life is Mondo Burger. You can forget about your friends, you can forget about your family... because Kurt is now your mother and your father.
Dexter (whispering to female co-worker)
Kurt must look awfully strange naked.
You mess with Kurt and you go into the grinder.
Dexter Okay, now this grinder of yours, is it a real grinder or is it some kind of a methaphor or something?
That's it you're gone! Adios, TKO, historical!
Dexter Wait, wait, wait. I won't be funny no more.
Security!
Dexter (Security storms into the room)
Wait! You ain't gotta bring the man down here! Kurt, come on, please! I need this job!
Take out the trash!
Dexter (offended)
'Trash?' Okay, now lookee here-
Dexter 'Loser?!' Oh, now you're about to push me a little too far!
You want a piece of me?
Dexter Yeah! Extra crispy please!
Dexter Hey, you look familiar. Don't I know you from somewhere?
Ever been to Australia?
Dexter No.
Me neither.
Dexter I've could've sworn I've seen you someplace before.
Hey, I know! Maybe I'm someone famous! You know, like a baseball player or a pretty nurse!
Dexter What? Man, what in the world are you talking about?
Okay, okay. I give up. Who am I?
Dexter Man, I don't know who you are. Or where I know you from. Or why you think you're an attractive nurse, but I am sure I don't wanna know you any longer. Now, please go away, I've had a very bad day.
Dexter Man, I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger. I mean, he yelled at me, then he insulted me. He made fun of me. (looks downcast)
Boy, you must really suck.
Dexter See right about now I'd slap you in your head but I'm not sure if your brain would understand the concept of pain.
Dexter Hello. My name is Dexter. I'm your new co-worker.
Dexter Well, that's a nice outfit you got on there, Monique. And those stripes really bring out the color in your eyes.
(sarcastically)
Yes. You can imagine how shocked I was when I came to work and saw everyone wearing the same thing.
Dexter (laughs uneasily)
Okay. I guess I'll see you later then.
I guess you will. (walks off)
Dexter (Ed is driving the Burger-Mobile)
That was a stop sign!
Uh...no?
Dexter (whines)
Aw, man!
Hey check it, boys. Right back there. It's the reject.
Dexter (Kurt and his friends laugh)
Hey check it, Ed. It's the Mondo idiot.
Oh, well, nice to meet you Mondo Idiot. I'm Ed.
Dexter So, Monique. What are you going to do tonight after you lock up?
I thought I'd go home.
Dexter Home? Why?
Well... that's where my stuff is.
Dexter You know...I don't even remember what my dad looks like.
I don't remember what my dad looks like, either, but at least I get to see him everyday.
Dexter Ed! That diphthong doesn't like you, he just wants to use you!
Well, that's not 'natural.'
Dexter (about Monique)
How can I not like her? She smart, fun, beautiful and cuddly.
Then just ask her out.
Dexter Naw.
What, you're chicken?
Dexter I'm not a chicken!
Are too! Dexter's a chicken! Moo! Moo!
Dexter CHICKENS! (quieter) Chickens don't moo Ed. They cluck. (Imitates chicken sound)
Dexter So, uh, you like me?
Of course. So, uh, you like me?
Dexter Are you kiddin'? I liked you from the first time I saw you! Right off the bat. But I guess it was the same thing for you, huh?
No, actually I thought you were self-centered and obnoxious.
Dexter Well, so much for my self-esteem.
Dexter Who are you and what have you done with the real Monique?
Oh, she's right here! It's just that now she knows the real Dexter.
Dexter Come again?
You forgot your jacket last night. (hands him his jacket)
Dexter Thank you.
And this fell out of the pocket (holds contract)
Dexter Oh, um, this is just...all it is, all it is...
Right, It's just the contract you had Ed sign. You know the one where you take most of his money? The money he's supposed to get for his sauce
Dexter Yeah, but...
I can't believe you would do something like that to someone who trusts you! How can you take advantage of a sweet person like Ed? And after he got you a job!
Dexter It ain't even like that! All I wanted—
Oh, I know what you wanted! You're not his friend you're just using him to scam a little cash off the side. It must feel really good. Oh, but don't worry I'm not gonna tell Ed you're cheating him.
Dexter Why not?
'Cuz it would hurt him too much.
Dexter What happened?
I just tackled some old lady.
Dexter All right, Ed!
Dexter So you poured that stuff in the meat didn't you?
I had to.
Dexter You had to?
Sure. See, I knew that if I took the can, there was a good chance I'd get caught. Then I thought that even if I did take the triambythal to the proper authorities, Kurt would hire some high-powered attorney who dispute any charges brought against him or Mondo Burger, by manipulating the legal system. And the way that America's court system is congested these days, It would have taken months to convict him of anything. So then I thought, I just take the matter into my own hands and pour the triambythal into the meat supply and let Mondo Burger be a victim of its own foul play.
Dexter Wait-wait-wait...You thought of all that?
Sure, I'm not stupid.
Um, Dexter? I just want to say that, well, I'm really gonna miss you...a lot. And um, I will always remember you, Dexter Reed. In my thoughts and in my heart. Goodbye, my friend. (hugs Dexter)
Dexter Um, Ed? I'm not going anywhere man. (Ed let's him go)
Oh.
Hey, Mr. Baily! This guy needs a job. Can he have one?
No!
Dex
See ya.
Wait, wait, wait! C'mon, Mr. Baily, he really needs one. He can do fries.
Otis does fries.
Yeah, but look at him. How much longer could he possibly live?
Dex
[The whole staff likes Ed's sauce]
If we put this sauce on all the Good Burgers, then everyone will want to eat here! We'll knock Mondo Burger right off the map!
WHEE! That's great!
Yippy skippy! [stands up] It shall be done! [runs to the kitchen]
[as the employees continue clamoring with laughter]
Gimme another French fry! Good Burger's back in business!
Dex
[yelling]
Ed?! Ed?! ED!!!
Dex
[looks up, surprised]
What are you doing in the straw?!
It's right over the kitchen! I can see it! Come on!
Dex
How do you expect me to get up there?
Oh, it easy. You just jump on the burger, jump on the fry, then you hop on the cup and then you shimmy on the straw.
Dex
What is this? American Gladiators?
COME ON!
Dex
Alright.
[Kurt and his gang surrounded Dex on the rooftop of Mondo Burger]
Alright, PUNK! The game is over.
Dex
No, your game is over, because right now my man Ed is on his way to the police station with a can of your illegal Triampathol. Ha!
Get it! [Troy grabs the can; laughs] Nice try, dudes, but you mess with Kurt, you go in the grinder! [checks the can] Hey...this can's empty. What an idiot! Stole an empty can!
Dex
Ed, you stole an empty can?
It wasn't empty when I found it!
[Kurt's eyes widen before the restaurant begins to shake, realizing what's about to happen]
