Ed (repeated line)
: Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?
Played by Kel Mitchell 
Good Burger (1997) · 69 quotes
Good Burger (1997) · 69 quotes
Most-quoted character in Good Burger (1997): in 31 of its 69 quotes
Most scenes with: Dexter (14), Kurt (4), Mr. Baily (3)
Whoo! Strawberry jacuzzi!
More lines from Ed
8 quotes Ed Ed (repeated line, usually sung)
: I'm a dude. He's a dude. She's a dude. We're all dudes, hey!
Ed (to Kurt)
Dude, you need a tic-tac.
Ed It's okay people! Her butt is fine!
Ed Yippee Skippy!
Ed I give up! There is no way a guy can watch his own butt!
Ed (to Dexter)
Is it because I'm black?
Ed (After waking up to his alarm clock, he picks it up and looks at it)
WHOA! A CLOCK!
Scenes with Ed
22 scenes Ed Welcome to Good Burger. Home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?
Construction Worker
Well it's about time. Can I get two Good Burgers?
Ed Oh, I'm sorry, dude. I have to go get them. Customers aren't allowed in back.
Construction Worker
(irritated)
Just give me two Good Burgers!
Ed Dude, I can't just give you two Good Burgers. You have to pay for them!
Construction Worker
Forget it!
Customer
(motioning to Ed)
Excuse me! Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it!
Ed That's what I gave you.
Customer
No, you gave me a bun. Just a bun. Look there's no meat in here.
Ed But you said you wanted nothing on it.
Customer
Yes, but I expected a meat patty!
Ed Dude, a meat patty is something. You said nothing. Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?
Uh, something?
Ed (raises arm in the air)
I win!
Customer
All right, that rips it! I am reporting your name to the manager!
Ed The manager already knows my name.
Customer
Oh, I'll see you in Hell.
Ed Okay, see ya there!
Hey, you look familiar. Don't I know you from somewhere?
Ed Ever been to Australia?
No.
Ed Me neither.
I've could've sworn I've seen you someplace before.
Ed Hey, I know! Maybe I'm someone famous! You know, like a baseball player or a pretty nurse!
What? Man, what in the world are you talking about?
Ed Okay, okay. I give up. Who am I?
Man, I don't know who you are. Or where I know you from. Or why you think you're an attractive nurse, but I am sure I don't wanna know you any longer. Now, please go away, I've had a very bad day.
Man, I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger. I mean, he yelled at me, then he insulted me. He made fun of me. (looks downcast)
Ed Boy, you must really suck.
See right about now I'd slap you in your head but I'm not sure if your brain would understand the concept of pain.
Ed (after Dexter gets the job at Good Burger)
Cool! I'll teach him everything I know!
Ed Uh...no?
Hey check it, boys. Right back there. It's the reject.
Ed Oh, well, nice to meet you Mondo Idiot. I'm Ed.
You know...I don't even remember what my dad looks like.
Ed I don't remember what my dad looks like, either, but at least I get to see him everyday.
Can I give you a lift, Ed?
Ed Gee, I don't know dude. I weigh about 150.
I want you to come work for me at Mondo Burger. You come and make your sauce for Kurt.
Ed Who's Kurt?
I'm Kurt!
Ed I'm Ed.
I'm aware!
Ed You said you were Kurt.
Ed (about Kurt)
I think he likes me.
Ed! That diphthong doesn't like you, he just wants to use you!
Ed Well, that's not 'natural.'
Ed, can't we go somewhere and be alone?
Ed What for?
Well we can just talk or get to know each other a little better. Now, doesn't that sound like more fun than miniature golf?
Ed (looks at the audience for a few seconds)
Ed (looking back at Roxanne)
No! Come on!
You are so hot.
Ed Oh, well, I often sweat at work.
Ed Then just ask her out.
Naw.
Ed What, you're chicken?
I'm not a chicken!
Ed Are too! Dexter's a chicken! Moo! Moo!
CHICKENS! (quieter) Chickens don't moo Ed. They cluck. (Imitates chicken sound)
Ed (later in the scene) Moo.
What happened?
Ed I just tackled some old lady.
All right, Ed!
So you poured that stuff in the meat didn't you?
Ed I had to.
You had to?
Ed Sure. See, I knew that if I took the can, there was a good chance I'd get caught. Then I thought that even if I did take the triambythal to the proper authorities, Kurt would hire some high-powered attorney who dispute any charges brought against him or Mondo Burger, by manipulating the legal system. And the way that America's court system is congested these days, It would have taken months to convict him of anything. So then I thought, I just take the matter into my own hands and pour the triambythal into the meat supply and let Mondo Burger be a victim of its own foul play.
Wait-wait-wait...You thought of all that?
Ed Sure, I'm not stupid.
Ed Um, Dexter? I just want to say that, well, I'm really gonna miss you...a lot. And um, I will always remember you, Dexter Reed. In my thoughts and in my heart. Goodbye, my friend. (hugs Dexter)
Um, Ed? I'm not going anywhere man. (Ed let's him go)
Ed Oh.
Ed Remember: When you mess with Good Burger—
Ed and Dexter
You go in the grinder!
Ed Hey, Mr. Baily! This guy needs a job. Can he have one?
No!
Dex
See ya.
Ed Wait, wait, wait! C'mon, Mr. Baily, he really needs one. He can do fries.
Otis does fries.
Ed Yeah, but look at him. How much longer could he possibly live?
Dex
[The whole staff likes Ed's sauce]
If we put this sauce on all the Good Burgers, then everyone will want to eat here! We'll knock Mondo Burger right off the map!
Ed WHEE! That's great!
Ed Yippy skippy! [stands up] It shall be done! [runs to the kitchen]
[as the employees continue clamoring with laughter]
Gimme another French fry! Good Burger's back in business!
Dex
[yelling]
Ed?! Ed?! ED!!!
Ed [from inside the straw]
Over here! Over here! Come on!
Dex
[looks up, surprised]
What are you doing in the straw?!
Ed It's right over the kitchen! I can see it! Come on!
Dex
How do you expect me to get up there?
Ed Oh, it easy. You just jump on the burger, jump on the fry, then you hop on the cup and then you shimmy on the straw.
Dex
What is this? American Gladiators?
Ed COME ON!
Dex
Alright.
[Kurt and his gang surrounded Dex on the rooftop of Mondo Burger]
Alright, PUNK! The game is over.
Dex
No, your game is over, because right now my man Ed is on his way to the police station with a can of your illegal Triampathol. Ha!
Ed [arrives with said can]
Hey Dex, look what I got!
Get it! [Troy grabs the can; laughs] Nice try, dudes, but you mess with Kurt, you go in the grinder! [checks the can] Hey...this can's empty. What an idiot! Stole an empty can!
Dex
Ed, you stole an empty can?
Ed It wasn't empty when I found it!
[Kurt's eyes widen before the restaurant begins to shake, realizing what's about to happen]
