Edward [in his old age]
Chuck Norris rules.
Played by Kal Penn 
Epic Movie (2007) · 58 quotes
Epic Movie (2007) · 58 quotes
Most-quoted character in Epic Movie (2007): in 14 of its 58 quotes
Most scenes with: Peter (3), Willy (2), White Bitch (2)
Whoa, Stifler's mom!
[unrated version] Whoa, MILF!
More lines from Edward
3 quotes Edward Edward Damn that plot of Superman Returns!
Edward Damn that Superman plot!
Scenes with Edward
10 scenes
Ashton Kutcher look-a-like
Yes! *jumps in with camera crew* Yes! You just got Punk'd! Yes! Yes! Yeah, he did it! He did it! C'mere, say it to the camera! Say it to the camera, c'mon, say it right there! *Edward stutters* Say it!
Edward I-I just... I just got Punk'd.
Ashton Kutcher look-alike
Ah, schwow!
*Change to Punk'd-like skit*:
Ashton Kutcher look-alike
*making exaggerated moves mocking Ashton Kutcher's Punk'd skits* Yeah! We just Punk'd Edward! Schwow! Schwow! Yeah! That was awesome! Yeah! Yes! This thing, up here, it's all me, baby! The trucker hat! That's awesome! I did it! You love it! You'll take it! Punk'd him!
*Change back to previous scene*:
Ashton Kutcher look-alike
*gibbering excitedly still over the joke* Oh, my gosh, that was really funny, oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! *he continues*
Edward *yells in fury, Ashton still gibbering* Dude, you are so annoying!! *Punches Ashton, knocking him down and shutting him up*
Ashton Kutcher look-alike
*gets up after a few seconds, resuming his gibberish and his crazy movements* But oh, my gosh! That was really funny! *he continues*
Edward *keeps punching him, Ashton replying with a "Schwow!" with every punch, until Ashton falls over* Corny-ass trucker hat!
Ashton Kutcher look-alike
*flicks snow up at Edward in a childish manner* Schwow! Schwow....
Behold, my white castle. [she points to a White Castle restaurant across from them]
Edward White Castle? I think I've been there before.
Children, do you wanna know what makes all my candy taste so special?
Edward Uh-huh.
It's a special secret ingredient. It's real human parts. There's gonna be a little itty bitty piece of each and every one of you inside of the yummy yum candy, literally.
Edward A chocolate river! Mmm! Mmm! Chocolate! Hahahaha!
That's actually the sewer line.
Edward Captain Morgan! I love your rum.
No. Captain Jack... Swallows... at your service.
Edward Jack Swallows? That's kinda gay, dude.
Edward I even got a tattoo with your name on it. [takes off his shirt, exposing what appears to be 50 Cent's tattoo]
That looks more like 50 Cent's tattoo, you idiot.
Edward Shit! They did the wrong one.
Edward I'm going to be a lucha libre wrestler!
Nacho Libre You think you are better than the other orphans?
Edward Now we're gonna be stuck here till we die.
Shut up, Edward. You're scaring her.
Edward Don't tell me what to do! You're not my father!
We may not have the numbers on our side or the weapons she possesses, but we have something far more powerful.
Perky breasts?
The strength of our family!
Edward I'd follow you anywhere, brother.
Edward Because we're four kids nobody would ever miss, we'll be stuck here until we die.
Shut up, Edward, You're scaring her.
Edward Don't tell me what to do! You're not my father!
