Susan Heffley Oh, honey, hi! Remember when we were young like this? And we used to dance and go to parties and stuff like that?
Played by Rachael Harris 
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011) · 42 quotes
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011) · 42 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011): in 21 of its 42 quotes
Most scenes with: Greg (17), Rodrick Heffley (9), Rowley (5)
What did I say about being civil to one another?! That's all I asked of you! [as time passes] Well, you have blown it big time! Never been more embarrassed. Everyone we know was there. [sobbing] I have no idea how I'm gonna write my column this week. I feel like a complete fraud!
More lines from Susan Heffley
2 quotes Susan Heffley Susan Heffley Rodrick, I've lived in this house for 10 years. I've locked that door 10,000 times because sometimes it's my only moment of privacy of the day. I know there was a lock on that door.
Scenes with Susan Heffley
18 scenes
[The Heffley family in their cartoon drawings pull up in their car in the Rocket Rollers Roller Rink's parking lot] [steps out, looks up at the sign]
Seventh grader. Sounds a lot better than sixth grader.
[steps out of the car and closes the door; sighs]
This is a "Greg thing." I don't see why I had to come.
Susan Because, Rodrick, this is a family event, and like it or not, you're part of the Heffley family.
Yeah. That and we already paid for your ticket.
Bill [Greg scooches towards Holly; Just then, the lights dim, and "Always" by Atlantic Starr begins playing] [over P.A.]
All rockers and hardcore skaters off the rink, unless you're lookin' for love. It's time for Couples Skate!
I'm making my move. [prepares to tap Holly on the shoulder]
Bill [over P.A.]
STOP!!!! [The music stops; Greg turns around] Enough of that total lameness! Who's ready to ROCK?! Yeah! [plays the intro to "Cut Throat" by Kittie]
[Greg stares at Rodrick in disbelief. Rodrick smiles evilly]
Come on, let's get outta here. Come on. [she and her friends exit the rink]
[A crowd of violent teenagers enter the rink. They brutally bump into others knocking them over] [panicking]
What're we gonna do?!
Stay calm. All we have to do is just stay here.
Susan [Greg tries to rescue Rowley, but another teenager knocks him flat on his face. As Greg picks himself up, the sound of a record scratching is heard and the music comes to an abrupt stop] [over P.A.]
GREG HEFFLEY! This is your mother! Everything is going to be okay. Stay where you are, and your father is going to come rescue you. I repeat, everything is going to be okay. Okay, here he comes. Here comes Frank. I see him. He's on his way. Okay.
I know, I know.
Susan [Holly's friends giggle, but Holly isn't amused] [over P.A.]
Okay. Alright. Everyone, go back to skating!
Yeah.
Taylor [Greg lands onto Taylor's birthday cake. Rodrick laughs. Greg picks himself up off the smashed cake, his face covered in frosting] [lividly; to Greg]
You ruined my birthday! You jerk!
This is huge, I've gotta call the band. W-We've gotta practice. THIS COULD BE OUR BIG BREAK!!!
Susan Ah, ah, ah, wait a second. Aren't you forgetting something?
What? I showered yesterday. Smell.
Susan Okay, okay, okay, okay. We agreed that you'd give a drum lesson to Greg.
You were serious?
Susan Who knows? Maybe you guys will really like it and we can form a family band. [gasps]
Recorded music
[The whole scene shifts over to the entire Heffley family, wearing matching outfits and performing with musical instruments] [song: "Get Happy"]
Hello, world. Here's a song that we're singin'. Come on, get happy! A whole lot of loving is what we'll be bringin'. We'll make you happy!
[Greg opens his Xbox 360 game system to put a video game in, and finds a huge chocolate chip cookie stuffed in the disc tray]
WHAT?!!
Hey! A cookie.
Manny, what have you done?
I'm onwy thwee.
Susan [walks in]
What's going on? What'd you do to him?
Nothing, he ruined my video game.
Susan [gasps]
He didn't anything on purpose, did you honey?
No, I didn't.
Susan No, he didn't. He's only three.
I'm onwy thwee.
[Manny pokes his tongue out at Greg as Susan takes him away]
All
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANDPA!!
Grandpa Next year, I want a chocolate cake!
That is if you're alive next year.
Susan [Grandpa looks hurt] [angrily]
Greg!
Honesty, Mom!
Poopy.
Susan [Greg looks down and sees he has chocolate on his pants]
Oh, Greg! It looks like he has a candy bar on there.
MANNY!
Susan Well, you brought this on yourselves. You can kiss Rockin' Rapids good-bye. You two will stay here together all weekend and work out your differences. And if you don't, I will... and trust me, you don't want any part of that. Do you understand?
Yes.
Yes.
Okay. Everything's cool here, right, Greg?
Yeah, Mom, and I have your number if I need you.
Susan [on the phone]
Okay, sweeties. We'll see you tomorrow. Good night.
[whispering angrily to the boys]
Listen up. If you do anything that embarrasses me, ANYTHING at all, I will-
You will what?
Just, stay out of my way... nerds.
Susan [on phone speaker]
Hey, guys. Manny’s sick, and we’re on our way home. See you in an hour.
Moly! [gets up from the sofa and he and brother look around the messy house; to Rodrick] You are in so much trouble.
[A cartoon drawing shows Frank and Susan standing in front of Rodrick’s grave]
Me? You lied to Mom just as much as I did, and you know how she feels about lying. She’s gonna kill both of us!
[Another drawing shows Greg’s grave lying next to Rodrick’s and a vulture lands on the headstone]
You do the living room, I’ll start the kitchen, go!
Susan Greg, is there something you want to say to Rowley and his father?
[to Rowley and Mr Jefferson]
I'm sorry for choosing an inappropriate movie for the sleepover. At least nobody got hurt this time.
[Cuts to a flashback of Greg and rowley's sleepover]
I'm a little birdy! I'm a little birdy! (falls of the bed and injures himself) My Kneebone!
Mommy! Look!
Susan Mommy is looking. Mommy's looked a thousand times. Mommy just needs to go to the potty for one minute, okay?
No! NO!
Susan [sternly enters Greg’s room]
Greg, two words. Bathroom. Door.
[Greg anxiously hesitates to reply; Susan gives him a "Well?" look on her face] [bursting out]
IT WAS RODRICK! HE MADE ME! IT WAS HIS IDEA! He had the party! Someone wrote on the door, so we had to change it!
Susan I knew it. I knew it. [starts to leave the room]
[gets up from his desk and runs to the door and closes it]
No, Mom, wait! I was exaggerating a little bit. It wasn’t a party. It was a band rehearsal for the talent show. That’s all it was.
Susan We said nobody could come over. He knew the rules.
Susan [Frank turns on the camera and the TV screen shows a photo of Rodrick pouring soda in a cup fountain with his party friends watching and is surprised]
Oh my God.
That's not me.
That's not you?
Nope.
Okay. How 'bout these? [scrolls through his camera showing more photos of Rodrick's house party; Susan is shocked and horrified as she puts her hand over her heart; then sets the camera down as it stops on the last photo of Greg and Rowley; angrily to Rodrick] I can't believe that you had a PARTY!
Susan Greg, you told me it was a couple of kids, a band rehearsal!
Wait, Susan, you knew about this?
Susan Yes. Yes, I knew.
I knew they had a party!
It slipped out, but I took it back!
Susan My instincts told me you weren't being honest! I should've trusted my instincts!
Wait! You knew about this, but you didn't tell me about it?
I still protected you! I threw Mom off your scent!
Great job. She has no idea!
We are supposed to be a team against them!
Susan They were getting along so well I let it blind me to the truth!
Why were you taking pictures?!
It was so crazy that morning, I forgot we took the pictures.
Susan So I let it slide. And I am so sorry. Oh, God. It feels so good to get that out. [points to the bathroom door] I haven't been able to look at that bathroom door for 2 weeks!
I knew that door had a lock on it! And everybody was trying to make me feel like I was losing my mind!
Mr. Salz [Mr. Salz & Mrs. Kohan walk to the front door, about to leave]
We’re- We’re just gonna let ourselves out. I wouldn’t wanna write a column about this. [closes the door]
I'm going upstairs. To a bathroom that has a lock on it, and no one can tell me that it doesn't. [walks away]
Susan [to her sons]
I have to go talk to your father. [sighs] I will deal with you boys, later. [walks off]
Rodrick, I really didn't tell her! I mean maybe, sort of, but I made a deal with her and we had a really good time and...
You're my brother. But you'll never be my friend. [walks upstairs]
Susan [Frank and Susan wait unhappily in the hallway as Greg and Rodrick slowly come down the stairs]
Your father I have talked, and we've decided on your punishment.
Greg, you're grounded for two weeks. Also, no video games for two weeks.
Susan Rodrick, you may only drive to and from school for the next month. As the ringleader, you are also grounded for a month.
Mom, I'm sorry, and I won't do it again.
Susan I know you won't. And to make sure, we're also not allowing you to perform in the talent show.
[shocked]
What? No. No, you can't do that, ground me for a year, I don't care, but you have to let me play in that show! This could be my big break.
Susan I'm sorry.
Actually, Rodrick, that doesn't help your case. Bill's kind of a jerk.
Susan [Rodrick gives a silent "What?"]
Our decision is final.
[Greg looks silently at Rodrick; upset with his punishment, goes upstairs, and Greg follows along] [whispers to Greg]
You are so dead.
[Plainview Talent Show, The Heffleys walk in; Scotty Douglas, Rowley's assistant, runs through the hall to the bathroom] [chases after Scotty]
Scotty! Come on! [Scotty locks himself into the bathroom] Scotty, come on! You don't wanna let the magic fans down, do you?
Scotty [from inside]
Go away!
Susan Rowley, what's wrong?
My assistant, Scotty, got stage fright. Now he doesn't want to do the show.
Susan Maybe Greg would help out. He can be your assistant. What? No way.
Susan What? Rowley is your best friend. This is important to him. You need to do this.
It's okay, Mrs. Heffley. Greg is just afraid that Holly Hills will think less of him.
Susan Sure.
[Greg opens his Xbox 360 game system, and finds a huge chocolate chip cookie stuffed in the disc tray]
What?!
Hey! A cookie.
Manny, what have you done?
I'm only 3.
Susan [walks in]
What's going on? What'd you do to him?
Nothing, he ruined my video game.
Susan [gasps]
He didn't anything on purpose, did you honey?
No, I didn't.
Susan No, he didn't. He's only three.
I'm only 3. [pokes his tongue out at Greg as Susan takes him away]
Susan Okay, let's go, sweetie. You want another cookie?
[narrating]
It's so unfair. I have Rodrick making my life a misery on one side, and Manny attacking me from the other. And I'm the only one who seems to get blamed for anything. Wonder what it'd be like to have a family that actually loves me.
Susan [Susan questions Rodrick about the missing lock on the bathroom door]
Hey, Rodrick, could you come here, please? What happened to the lock?
Uhh… I don't know what you're talking about.
Susan There was a lock on this door.
Um… [laughs] I don't think so.
Susan Rodrick, I've lived in this house for 10 years. I've locked that door 10,000 times because sometimes it's my only moment of privacy of the day. I know there was a lock on that door.
There wasn't. Trust me. Greg has walked in on me, like, a million times, and if there was a lock, I would use it. In fact, maybe you should put one on.
Susan So that's your story. There was never a lock, and you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Yes.
Susan Fine. I'll just go ask your brother the same thing. [walks away, goes upstairs, and enters Greg's room; sternly] Greg, two words. Bathroom. Door.
[Greg anxiously hesitates to reply; Susan gives him a "Well?" look on her face] [bursting out]
IT WAS RODRICK! HE MADE ME! IT WAS HIS IDEA! He had the party! Someone wrote on the door, so we had to change it!
Susan I knew it. I knew it. [starts to leave the room]
[gets up from his desk and runs to the door and closes it]
No, Mom, wait! I was exaggerating a little bit. It wasn't a party. It was a band rehearsal for the talent show. That's all it was.
Susan We said nobody could come over. He knew the rules.
Yeah, but, Mom, if you punish him, Rodrick's gonna know I told on him. We really had a good time this weekend. But, if you do this, Rodrick and I will never ever be friends again.
[Plainview Talent Show, after Rodrick got kicked out of his band] [concerned]
Mom, you need to let Rodrick play in the talent show tonight.
Susan [exasperated]
Greg, we've been over this. He needs to learn a lesson.
His band is playing without him, and it's not fair.
Susan [indifferent]
And I'm sure that's very hard on him, but l can't go back on the punishment.
Susan Yes?
You let Rodrick play in the talent show, l'll...[cringes a bit]...do the magic thing with Rowley.
Susan [Susan is touched by Greg's selflessness]
Really? You'd do that? You'll be Rowley's partner, even though you said it's totally embarrassing and humiliating? You're willing to do that just so your brother can play?
Yes.
Susan Come here. [Susan hugs him]
I mean, how bad can it be?
