[narrating]
Okay. The note was a minor setback, but at least things are still going well with Rodrick. It's amazing but I'm actually enjoying watching Loded Diper rehearse for the talent show. Bill's taken the band to a whole new level.
Bill [speaks into the microphone; echoing]
Somebody farted.
[Rodrick's bandmates and Greg laugh as Frank peeks in through the door]
I got one. I got one. I got a good one. I got a good one. [speaks into the microphone; echoing] Somebody farted.
[laughs and turns at his father; narrating]
My dad should be happy that I'm hanging out with Rodrick. But I don't think he really likes Bill. I think what he's worried about is I'll turn out like Rodrick, Manny'll turn out like me, and eventually, we'll all turn out like Bill.
In conclusion, without last century's technological advances, there'd be no computers, cell phones, or modern medical miracles. And so for that, we salute and thank our ancestors from 100 years ago.
Mr. Draybick [Mr. Draybick and his students (except Patty) clap in applause] [turns the lights back on]
Thank you, Holly. That was excellent work. Now I think we have time for one more. I have to say that when I read this paper, [takes out Greg's assignment binder] I was a bit surprised by its content. But more than any other, this one deserves to be read out loud. [lowers the binder to Greg] Greg?
Mr. Draybick [Greg takes his assignment and gets up from his desk, facing the class]
Just read it, Greg. All of it.
[reading his assignment]
"Sometimes I sit and wonder about stuff I do not know, like, what the earth was like a hundred years ago. Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs? Did flowers even grow? Did spiders rule the earth? Were deserts filled with snow? There were no books or humans, so how are we to know what the earth was like a hundred years ago?"
Greg, look who's in our class. [points to Holly]
[spots a desk that's sitting next to Holly's; narrating]
This was my chance. If I could sit next to Holly, I'd have the whole year to show her how great I am.
[As Greg walks over to the desk, Patty comes up]
No way, Greg Heffley. This is my seat.
No, it's not. I was here first.
[They both start fighting over it] [grunting]
It's mine!
You know I'm stronger than you, Greg Heffley.
[A beautiful blonde girl skates past Greg and Rowley] [surprised]
Who is that?
Chirag [skates up next to them]
Her name is Holly Hills. She just moved here.
Chirag Seventh. She's an all-star soccer player, has done professional modeling, and was her sixth grade class president. She moved here from Oregon because her father got a big promotion. They drive a hybrid SUV, live on the north side of town in a cul-de-sac near the park. [Greg and Rowley look at him, confused] What? I googled her. She's a picture of loveliness, is she not?
She's almost as pretty as my mom.
Chirag She's going to be very popular.
[Greg opens his Xbox 360 game system, and finds a huge chocolate chip cookie stuffed in the disc tray]
What?!
Manny, what have you done?
[walks in]
What's going on? What'd you do to him?
Nothing, he ruined my video game.
[gasps]
He didn't anything on purpose, did you honey?
No, he didn't. He's only three.
I'm only 3. [pokes his tongue out at Greg as Susan takes him away]
Okay, let's go, sweetie. You want another cookie?
[narrating]
It's so unfair. I have Rodrick making my life a misery on one side, and Manny attacking me from the other. And I'm the only one who seems to get blamed for anything. Wonder what it'd be like to have a family that actually loves me.
[Plainview Talent Show, after Rodrick got kicked out of his band] [concerned]
Mom, you need to let Rodrick play in the talent show tonight.
[exasperated]
Greg, we've been over this. He needs to learn a lesson.
His band is playing without him, and it's not fair.
[indifferent]
And I'm sure that's very hard on him, but l can't go back on the punishment.
[Remembering Rowley and Scotty]
Mom.
You let Rodrick play in the talent show, l'll...[cringes a bit]...do the magic thing with Rowley.
[Susan is touched by Greg's selflessness]
Really? You'd do that? You'll be Rowley's partner, even though you said it's totally embarrassing and humiliating? You're willing to do that just so your brother can play?
Come here. [Susan hugs him]
I mean, how bad can it be?
[Susan questions Rodrick about the missing lock on the bathroom door]
Hey, Rodrick, could you come here, please? What happened to the lock?
Uhh… I don't know what you're talking about.
There was a lock on this door.
Um… [laughs] I don't think so.
Rodrick, I've lived in this house for 10 years. I've locked that door 10,000 times because sometimes it's my only moment of privacy of the day. I know there was a lock on that door.
There wasn't. Trust me. Greg has walked in on me, like, a million times, and if there was a lock, I would use it. In fact, maybe you should put one on.
So that's your story. There was never a lock, and you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Fine. I'll just go ask your brother the same thing. [walks away, goes upstairs, and enters Greg's room; sternly] Greg, two words. Bathroom. Door.
[Greg anxiously hesitates to reply; Susan gives him a "Well?" look on her face] [bursting out]
IT WAS RODRICK! HE MADE ME! IT WAS HIS IDEA! He had the party! Someone wrote on the door, so we had to change it!
I knew it. I knew it. [starts to leave the room]
[gets up from his desk and runs to the door and closes it]
No, Mom, wait! I was exaggerating a little bit. It wasn't a party. It was a band rehearsal for the talent show. That's all it was.
We said nobody could come over. He knew the rules.
Yeah, but, Mom, if you punish him, Rodrick's gonna know I told on him. We really had a good time this weekend. But, if you do this, Rodrick and I will never ever be friends again.
[notices that it is almost 8:00]
I'm going in. [to Rowley] Cover me!
Bill [Greg scooches towards Holly; Just then, the lights dim, and "Always" by Atlantic Starr begins playing] [over P.A.]
All rockers and hardcore skaters off the rink, unless you're lookin' for love. It's time for Couples Skate!
I'm making my move. [prepares to tap Holly on the shoulder]
Bill [over P.A.]
STOP!!!! [The music stops; Greg turns around] Enough of that total lameness! Who's ready to ROCK?! Yeah! [plays the intro to "Cut Throat" by Kittie]
[makes the "Double Horns" sign with both hands]
Whoo!
[Greg stares at Rodrick in disbelief. Rodrick smiles evilly]
Come on, let's get outta here. Come on. [she and her friends exit the rink]
[A crowd of violent teenagers enter the rink. They brutally bump into others knocking them over] [panicking]
What're we gonna do?!
Stay calm. All we have to do is just stay here.
[Two teenagers grab Rowley and start dragging him along. Rowley screams]
Rowley! Hang on!
[screaming]
WHOOOOOOOA!!!
[Greg tries to rescue Rowley, but another teenager knocks him flat on his face. As Greg picks himself up, the sound of a record scratching is heard and the music comes to an abrupt stop] [over P.A.]
GREG HEFFLEY! This is your mother! Everything is going to be okay. Stay where you are, and your father is going to come rescue you. I repeat, everything is going to be okay. Okay, here he comes. Here comes Frank. I see him. He's on his way. Okay.
[Dad struts out into the middle of the rink and picks Greg up, carrying him off]
Dad!
[Holly's friends giggle, but Holly isn't amused] [over P.A.]
Okay. Alright. Everyone, go back to skating!
[As Dad sets Greg back on his feet, everyone resumes skating]
You all right?
[Rodrick approaches]
Hey, Romeo. How'd it go with the new girl?
[grunts and lunges at Rodrick, screaming]
WHOOOA!!!!
Taylor [Greg lands onto Taylor's birthday cake. Rodrick laughs. Greg picks himself up off the smashed cake, his face covered in frosting] [lividly; to Greg]
You ruined my birthday! You jerk!
It looks fake. It has to look real.
But how do I fake it if I'm actually falling backwards?
Maybe you need a gimmick so people notice you. Oh. [gives Rowley a pair of underwear] Wear this on your head. [Rowley puts his underwear on his head] Now do it again.
Why can't you be the one that falls backwards in the chair?
Because. I'm not the one wearing the underwear on my head.
It's unbelievable. Even at school, Rodrick is ruining my life.
Shh. [whispers, pointing to Rodrick who is sleeping on the couch] He might hear you.
[Greg drums loudly on Manny's toy drum in Rodrick's face. He remains asleep]
Holy cow!
He once slept through an entire day.
