[to Greg]
Your performance was pathetic, Greg Heffley! Only a moron would find humor in bird poop! [bird poops on Patty's hair] You stupid bird! [storms off furiously]
The unitard or the performance?
Both.
Greg
Zachary Gordon · 33 quotes
Rodrick Heffley
Devon Bostick · 21 quotes
Susan Heffley
Rachael Harris · 21 quotes
Rowley
Robert Capron · 13 quotes
Frank
Steve Zahn · 4 quotes
Manny
4 quotes
Holly
Peyton List · 3 quotes
Patty
Laine MacNeil · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Susan Heffley & Greg (17), Rodrick Heffley & Greg (15), Greg & Rowley (12)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules quotes
Page 2 of 3For the next 10 years?
Listen to me. No matter what they ask you, no matter how hard they push, deny, deny, deny; even if they figure it out, never ever admit to anything. Deny, deny, deny. Got it?
Got it. Deny, deny, deny.
Don't you understand? Rodrick isn't beating me up anymore.
But how are they not going to notice that the lock's gone?
Please. They're like, 40.
Hey, Greg. Can you break a leg or something so we can leave?
[Greg laughs and sighs. Rodrick realizes Greg is staring at Holly Hills]
Oh. [laughs] That'll never happen. Not a chance. There's no way that girl will EVER talk to you.
Now get out, doofus.
Okay. Later...butt-brain!
Okay. Everything's cool here, right, Greg?
Yeah, Mom, and I have your number if I need you.
[whispering angrily to the boys]
Listen up. If you do anything that embarrasses me, ANYTHING at all, I will-
You will what?
Just, stay out of my way... nerds.
This is huge, I've gotta call the band. W-We've gotta practice. THIS COULD BE OUR BIG BREAK!!!
Ah, ah, ah, wait a second. Aren't you forgetting something?
What? I showered yesterday. Smell.
Okay, okay, okay, okay. We agreed that you'd give a drum lesson to Greg.
You were serious?
Who knows? Maybe you guys will really like it and we can form a family band. [gasps]
Recorded music
[The whole scene shifts over to the entire Heffley family, wearing matching outfits and performing with musical instruments] [song: "Get Happy"]
Hello, world. Here's a song that we're singin'. Come on, get happy! A whole lot of loving is what we'll be bringin'. We'll make you happy!
Hey Greg, maybe we should-
CAN IT, CHUNKY CHEESE!!!
Moly! [gets up from the sofa and he and brother look around the messy house; to Rodrick] You are in so much trouble.
[A cartoon drawing shows Frank and Susan standing in front of Rodrick’s grave]
Me? You lied to Mom just as much as I did, and you know how she feels about lying. She’s gonna kill both of us!
[Another drawing shows Greg’s grave lying next to Rodrick’s and a vulture lands on the headstone]
You do the living room, I’ll start the kitchen, go!
[Greg anxiously hesitates to reply; Susan gives him a "Well?" look on her face] [bursting out]
IT WAS RODRICK! HE MADE ME! IT WAS HIS IDEA! He had the party! Someone wrote on the door, so we had to change it!
I knew it. I knew it. [starts to leave the room]
[gets up from his desk and runs to the door and closes it]
No, Mom, wait! I was exaggerating a little bit. It wasn’t a party. It was a band rehearsal for the talent show. That’s all it was.
We said nobody could come over. He knew the rules.
Greg, is there something you want to say to Rowley and his father?
[to Rowley and Mr Jefferson]
I'm sorry for choosing an inappropriate movie for the sleepover. At least nobody got hurt this time.
[Cuts to a flashback of Greg and rowley's sleepover]
I'm a little birdy! I'm a little birdy! (falls of the bed and injures himself) My Kneebone!
Well, you brought this on yourselves. You can kiss Rockin' Rapids good-bye. You two will stay here together all weekend and work out your differences. And if you don't, I will... and trust me, you don't want any part of that. Do you understand?
Yes.
Yes.
Taylor POOP! HE'S POOPED HIS PANTS!
No, it isn't what it looks like! It isn't! It's chocolate! Chocolate, see? [eats a bit of it, then everyone in the church gets grossed out, so humiliated; Rodrick laughs] Hyah! [lunges at Rodrick as they have a scuffle on the floor]
Teacher
What's going on?
Greg Heffley [shows note] is passing me notes.
No, I wasn't!
[Frank and Susan wait unhappily in the hallway as Greg and Rodrick slowly come down the stairs]
Your father I have talked, and we've decided on your punishment.
Greg, you're grounded for two weeks. Also, no video games for two weeks.
Rodrick, you may only drive to and from school for the next month. As the ringleader, you are also grounded for a month.
Mom, I'm sorry, and I won't do it again.
I know you won't. And to make sure, we're also not allowing you to perform in the talent show.
[shocked]
What? No. No, you can't do that, ground me for a year, I don't care, but you have to let me play in that show! This could be my big break.
I'm sorry.
Actually, Rodrick, that doesn't help your case. Bill's kind of a jerk.
[Greg looks silently at Rodrick; upset with his punishment, goes upstairs, and Greg follows along] [whispers to Greg]
You are so dead.