[notices that it is almost 8:00]
I'm going in. [to Rowley] Cover me!
B Bill
[Greg scooches towards Holly; Just then, the lights dim, and "Always" by Atlantic Starr begins playing] [over P.A.]
All rockers and hardcore skaters off the rink, unless you're lookin' for love. It's time for Couples Skate!
I'm making my move. [prepares to tap Holly on the shoulder]
B Bill
[over P.A.]
STOP!!!! [The music stops; Greg turns around] Enough of that total lameness! Who's ready to ROCK?! Yeah! [plays the intro to "Cut Throat" by Kittie]
[makes the "Double Horns" sign with both hands]
Whoo!
[Greg stares at Rodrick in disbelief. Rodrick smiles evilly]
Come on, let's get outta here. Come on. [she and her friends exit the rink]
Rowley [A crowd of violent teenagers enter the rink. They brutally bump into others knocking them over] [panicking]
What're we gonna do?!
Stay calm. All we have to do is just stay here.
[Two teenagers grab Rowley and start dragging him along. Rowley screams]
Rowley! Hang on!
Rowley [screaming]
WHOOOOOOOA!!!
[Greg tries to rescue Rowley, but another teenager knocks him flat on his face. As Greg picks himself up, the sound of a record scratching is heard and the music comes to an abrupt stop] [over P.A.]
GREG HEFFLEY! This is your mother! Everything is going to be okay. Stay where you are, and your father is going to come rescue you. I repeat, everything is going to be okay. Okay, here he comes. Here comes Frank. I see him. He's on his way. Okay.
[Dad struts out into the middle of the rink and picks Greg up, carrying him off]
Dad!
[Holly's friends giggle, but Holly isn't amused] [over P.A.]
Okay. Alright. Everyone, go back to skating!
[As Dad sets Greg back on his feet, everyone resumes skating]
You all right?
[Rodrick approaches]
Hey, Romeo. How'd it go with the new girl?
[grunts and lunges at Rodrick, screaming]
WHOOOA!!!!
T Taylor
[Greg lands onto Taylor's birthday cake. Rodrick laughs. Greg picks himself up off the smashed cake, his face covered in frosting] [lividly; to Greg]
You ruined my birthday! You jerk!
It's unbelievable. Even at school, Rodrick is ruining my life.
Rowley Shh. [whispers, pointing to Rodrick who is sleeping on the couch] He might hear you.
Rowley [Greg drums loudly on Manny's toy drum in Rodrick's face. He remains asleep]
Holy cow!
He once slept through an entire day.
[Greg opens his Xbox 360 game system to put a video game in, and finds a huge chocolate chip cookie stuffed in the disc tray]
WHAT?!!
Rowley Hey! A cookie.
Manny, what have you done?
[walks in]
What's going on? What'd you do to him?
Nothing, he ruined my video game.
[gasps]
He didn't anything on purpose, did you honey?
No, he didn't. He's only three.
I'm onwy thwee.
[Manny pokes his tongue out at Greg as Susan takes him away]
It looks fake. It has to look real.
Rowley But how do I fake it if I'm actually falling backwards?
Maybe you need a gimmick so people notice you. Oh. [gives Rowley a pair of underwear] Wear this on your head. [Rowley puts his underwear on his head] Now do it again.
Rowley Why can't you be the one that falls backwards in the chair?
Because. I'm not the one wearing the underwear on my head.
[whispering]
We've got to keep them away from the bathroom.
Listen to me. No matter what they ask you, no matter how hard they push, deny, deny, deny; even if they figure it out, never ever admit to anything. Deny, deny, deny. Got it?
Got it. Deny, deny, deny.
Rowley [At school]
It sounds to me like, "Lie, lie, lie." I kind of wish you hadn't told me.
Don't you understand? Rodrick isn't beating me up anymore.
Rowley But how are they not going to notice that the lock's gone?
Please. They're like, 40.
Greg, is there something you want to say to Rowley and his father?
[to Rowley and Mr Jefferson]
I'm sorry for choosing an inappropriate movie for the sleepover. At least nobody got hurt this time.
Rowley [Cuts to a flashback of Greg and rowley's sleepover]
I'm a little birdy! I'm a little birdy! (falls of the bed and injures himself) My Kneebone!
[Cuts to the present, where Rowley and his father leave the Heffley house]
What?
Rowley [Plainview Talent Show, The Heffleys walk in; Scotty Douglas, Rowley's assistant, runs through the hall to the bathroom] [chases after Scotty]
Scotty! Come on! [Scotty locks himself into the bathroom] Scotty, come on! You don't wanna let the magic fans down, do you?
S Scotty
[from inside]
Go away!
Rowley My assistant, Scotty, got stage fright. Now he doesn't want to do the show.
Maybe Greg would help out. He can be your assistant. What? No way.
What? Rowley is your best friend. This is important to him. You need to do this.
Rowley It's okay, Mrs. Heffley. Greg is just afraid that Holly Hills will think less of him.
[defensive]
Rowley. [turns to Susan] Mom, can we talk in private?
Rowley [desperate]
Scotty, please.
[A beautiful blonde girl skates past Greg and Rowley] [surprised]
Who is that?
C Chirag
[skates up next to them]
Her name is Holly Hills. She just moved here.
C Chirag
Seventh. She's an all-star soccer player, has done professional modeling, and was her sixth grade class president. She moved here from Oregon because her father got a big promotion. They drive a hybrid SUV, live on the north side of town in a cul-de-sac near the park. [Greg and Rowley look at him, confused] What? I googled her. She's a picture of loveliness, is she not?
Rowley She's almost as pretty as my mom.
C Chirag
She's going to be very popular.
Rowley Greg, look who's in our class. [points to Holly]
[spots a desk that's sitting next to Holly's; narrating]
This was my chance. If I could sit next to Holly, I'd have the whole year to show her how great I am.
[As Greg walks over to the desk, Patty comes up]
No way, Greg Heffley. This is my seat.
No, it's not. I was here first.
[They both start fighting over it] [grunting]
It's mine!
You know I'm stronger than you, Greg Heffley.
[Greg opens his Xbox 360 game system, and finds a huge chocolate chip cookie stuffed in the disc tray]
What?!
Rowley Hey! A cookie.
Manny, what have you done?
[walks in]
What's going on? What'd you do to him?
Nothing, he ruined my video game.
[gasps]
He didn't anything on purpose, did you honey?
No, he didn't. He's only three.
I'm only 3. [pokes his tongue out at Greg as Susan takes him away]
Okay, let's go, sweetie. You want another cookie?
[narrating]
It's so unfair. I have Rodrick making my life a misery on one side, and Manny attacking me from the other. And I'm the only one who seems to get blamed for anything. Wonder what it'd be like to have a family that actually loves me.
In conclusion, without last century's technological advances, there'd be no computers, cell phones, or modern medical miracles. And so for that, we salute and thank our ancestors from 100 years ago.
D Mr. Draybick
[Mr. Draybick and his students (except Patty) clap in applause] [turns the lights back on]
Thank you, Holly. That was excellent work. Now I think we have time for one more. I have to say that when I read this paper, [takes out Greg's assignment binder] I was a bit surprised by its content. But more than any other, this one deserves to be read out loud. [lowers the binder to Greg] Greg?
Rowley [clapping]
Yay, Greg!
D Mr. Draybick
[Greg takes his assignment and gets up from his desk, facing the class]
Just read it, Greg. All of it.
[reading his assignment]
"Sometimes I sit and wonder about stuff I do not know, like, what the earth was like a hundred years ago. Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs? Did flowers even grow? Did spiders rule the earth? Were deserts filled with snow? There were no books or humans, so how are we to know what the earth was like a hundred years ago?"
