Nikita Khrushchev
[after Kaganovich, Mikoyan and Bulganin arrive]
Comrades, now that we're quorate, I propose we call a doctor.
Lazar Kaganovich
All the best doctors are in the Gulag or dead.
Georgy Malenkov
Yes, yes because they tried to kill the boss!
Lazar Kaganovich
So any doctor still in Moscow is not a good doctor.
NB Nikolai Bulganin
What are peoples' thoughts on getting a...bad doctor?
Anastas Mikoyan
What the **** are you talking about, that's mad! What if he recovers and finds out?
Nikita Khrushchev
Well, if he recovers, then we got a good doctor. If he doesn't recover then we didn't, but he won't know.
NB Nikolai Bulganin
[the Committee lift Stalin's unconscious body]
He's heavier than I thought he'd be.
LB Lavrentiy Beria
Do you think Stalin's too heavy?
NB Nikolai Bulganin
No! It's a compliment... gold is heavy!
Anastas Mikoyan
Well, you'd know. You've looted enough of it, you saucy little pirate!
Nikita Khrushchev
[The members of the Presidium are all standing around Stalin's coffin, talking in low tones.]
Ask Beria if he invited the bishops.
Georgy Malenkov
Don't give me orders. [to Bulganin] Ask Beria if he invited the bishops.
NB Nikolai Bulganin
[to Beria]
Did you invite the bishops?
NB Nikolai Bulganin
[to Malenkov]
Yes.
Nikita Khrushchev
Well?
Georgy Malenkov
He said yes.
Nikita Khrushchev
I'm going to give everyone in Red Square a voucher permitting one kick each to his stupid face.
LB Lavrentiy Beria
[to Bulganin]
Is he asking for some delicious hay?
NB Nikolai Bulganin
No, he said something quite complicated about a voucher system.
Anastas Mikoyan
[Beria is hauled away to a lavatory to hide him from potential rescue by the NKVD]
I have been picturing this moment every day for the last three decades.
LB Lavrentiy Beria
[handcuffed to a pipe]
Is this magisterial enough for you all? This charade? This is a lavatory!
Anastas Mikoyan
Well, you should feel at home then, shouldn't you, you little coil of shit?
GZ Georgy Zhukov
[looking at Malenkov's portrait on the wall]
**** me, Georgy's eyes really do follow you around the crapper. It's weird.
Lazar Kaganovich
Why'd they hang a picture of my grandmother in here? [laughs]
NB Nikolai Bulganin
[...]
Ho-how long until the Army gets here? We're in complete limbo now!
Nikita Khrushchev
Not long. We have to wait for the NKVD to leave the Kremlin.
Vyacheslav Molotov
[ducking into a bathroom stall]
In that case, if nobody objects, I'm going to spend a kopeck. It's the excitement, I think...
LB Lavrentiy Beria
[at Beria's supposed "trial"; Malenkov attempts from a prepared statement while others shout at Beria]
This is a travesty! You are all witnesses- this is criminal! Criminal travesty! I demand my rights under Article Fort- [to Ivan Konev, who is slapping his hand against the table] Would you stop banging?!
NK Nikita Krushchev
Marshal?
IK Ivan Konev
Comrade General Secretary! Get on with it!
LB Lavrentiy Beria
You're judging me-you're judging me! I judge all of you! All of you!
NK Nikita Krushchev
**** you!
Nikita Khrushchev
[Beria keeps shouting hysterically; Malenkov gives up on reading the prepared statement, and Krushchev grabs it and starts to read it aloud]
You are accused of using your position as Minister of the Interior to plot against the Soviet Union...
Zhukov's Chief of Staff: Traitor!
Nikita Khrushchev
...with the goal of forwarding the interests of foreign powers.
LB Lavrentiy Beria
Foreign powers? From where, the **** moon?!
Nikita Khrushchev
You are also accused of three hundred and forty-seven counts of rape, of sexual deviancy and bourgeois immorality...
Lazar Kaganovich
Pervert!
LB Lavrentiy Beria
Everyone in this room is responsible for someone's death!
Nikita Khrushchev
...and acts of perversion with children as young as seven years old.
NB Nikolai Bulganin
Seven years old!
Vyacheslav Molotov
Rapist! **** rapist!
LB Lavrentiy Beria
You've got it wrong! I deny-
Nikita Khrushchev
Petra Nikova, aged 13. Nadia Ranova, aged 14. Magya Holovic, aged seven. Would you like to read the list yourself? [Beria doesn't respond] You are accused of treason and anti-Soviet behavior. The court finds you guilty and sentences you to be shot.
LB Lavrentiy Beria
[Beria is hauled to his feet and dragged outside, kicking and struggling amidst general commotion]
No! Please, don't shoot me! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I-
GZ Georgy Zhukov
[An unidentified soldier takes out his sidearm and shoots Beria through the forehead. There is a shocked silence as Beria falls to the ground, dead]
Well, that's got it done. [pause] Come on, have a look. Everyone.
Vyacheslav Molotov
This is for us! This is for the people!
GZ Georgy Zhukov
Everybody happy? Proper dead?
NK Nikita Krushchev
Get 'im up.
Vyacheslav Molotov
You've ruined everything, Lavrentiy. You've ruined everything!
CP Coup participant
[as Beria's corpse is hauled away]
**** off back to Georgia, dead boy!
