I hate being sober. It's a terrible, terrible mood to be in.
Vasily Stalin
Foreigners, a vile crime has been perpetrated! Hairy monsters in coats have scooped out my father's brain and sent it to America! And these traitors, sucking the **** and balls - sucking the **** and balls - of Zionist... New York... New York Zionist **** in petticoats. Look at them. You see? Those brain thieves!
Vasily Stalin
When we play Hungary, are we allowed to use guns?
Comrade General, these are the best I could find since the plane crash.
Vasily Stalin
What plane crash? There was never a plane crash. [to Tarasov] Was there a plane crash? [Tarasov shakes his head.] Soviet planes do not crash, and Stalin's son does not **** up.
Vasily Stalin
How old are you?
I'm... old.
Vasily Stalin
You're not old! [points to another] You're not even a person, you're a testicle! [to a third] You're made mostly of hair!
Vasily, remember what Papa said!
Vasily Stalin
Yes, but they have a machine, and they're filling his brain with American lies!
"Wade gently through the river because there are snakes and crocodiles."
Vasily Stalin
Medic!
Not today! You're a **** stain on that uniform! [He kicks Vasily in the stomach] You best **** behave!
Vasily Stalin
I want to make a speech at my father's funeral.
Nikita Khrushchev
And I want to **** Grace Kelly.
Vasily Stalin
I simply don't care! I want to make a speech at my father's funeral.
You know what I'm doing? I'm offering you and that bloated soak my protection.
We are not children!
Vasily Stalin
You are a real listener, thank you...!
...I am not a child.
