Lazar Kaganovich
[to Khruschev, jogging through the woods]
How can you run and plot at the same time?
Played by Dermot Crowley 
The Death of Stalin (2017) · 59 quotes
The Death of Stalin (2017) · 59 quotes
Out of my way, you fannies!
More lines from Lazar Kaganovich
4 quotes Lazar Kaganovich
Lazar Kaganovich
I've had nightmares that made more sense than this.
Lazar Kaganovich
[seeing the Orthodox bishops at Stalin's funeral]
I thought we'd banned those freaks.
Lazar Kaganovich
Who's going to carry the can for this farago of shit?
Scenes with Lazar Kaganovich
7 scenes
Nikita Khrushchev
[after Kaganovich, Mikoyan and Bulganin arrive]
Comrades, now that we're quorate, I propose we call a doctor.
Lazar Kaganovich
All the best doctors are in the Gulag or dead.
Georgy Malenkov
Yes, yes because they tried to kill the boss!
Lazar Kaganovich
So any doctor still in Moscow is not a good doctor.
Nikolai Bulganin
What are peoples' thoughts on getting a...bad doctor?
Anastas Mikoyan
What the **** are you talking about, that's mad! What if he recovers and finds out?
Nikita Khrushchev
Well, if he recovers, then we got a good doctor. If he doesn't recover then we didn't, but he won't know.
Lazar Kaganovich
Who organized the Wurlitzer?
Dr. Lukomsky
It's a respirator.
Lazar Kaganovich
Did you use it?
Dr. Lukomsky
No... it's American.
Khrushchev/Kaganovich
It's what?
2nd Doctor
[points to Lukomsky]
It's from his hospital...
Dr. Lukomsky
[points to 2nd Doctor]
It was his idea...
Nikita Khrushchev
All right, let's just pretend these last six sentences never happened.
Lavrentiy Beria
[as Beria realizes he is being scapegoated for the massacre of civilians by the NKVD]
It's time all of you realized who kept the daggers out of your backs. Show some **** respect! I... I've got, I've got... [grabs files from an aide] I've got documents. I have documents on all of you! [to Kruschev] You, um, 30th of March, 1937. Zolotov trials. 42 dead, 173 exiled. Your signature!
Lazar Kaganovich
Beria, that's enough!
Lavrentiy Beria
Yeah, well, you signed off on the life of your own **** brother!
Lazar Kaganovich
Oh, you think that was easy? You bastard!
Lavrentiy Beria
[to Mikoyan]
Bagrov, Gorev! How did your conscience accommodate that? [to Bulganin] And Zykov! Zykov! Poor blameless, guileless Zykov! All of you! All of you! I have documents on all of you! I've seen what you've done. I know the truth. [grabs a fistful of papers] It's all written down. It's all written down on a very **** long list![hurls the papers to the ground; to a guard] Just... pick them up. [the guard does]
Nikita Khrushchev
Are we done?
Lavrentiy Beria
We will convene tomorrow, after the funeral. I will nominate... some scapegoats, we can arraign... a couple of the officers who fired.[he quickly leaves]
Nikita Khrushchev
No harm done.
Georgy Malenkov
Are you okay?
Nikita Khrushchev
It's only comrades and friends who can shout at each other like this.
Georgy Malenkov
All right, so we'll fix this in committee, right?
Nikita Khrushchev
He's using you, Georgy! He's using you, and then he's going to kill you! You saw those papers.
Georgy Malenkov
What are you talking about? Jesus, Nicky, he was pointing at you, he wasn't pointing at me.
Nikita Khrushchev
No, no, he said, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov
No, no, I was over there, and he went, [twirls his finger] "all of you".
Nikita Khrushchev
Yeah, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov
No, no, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Lazar Kaganovich
No, he said, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov
[annoyed]
You know, [twirls his finger] all of you... [bends over and points] ...can kiss my Russian ass! All of you!
Georgy Zhukov
Want a job done properly, you call the Army. Take his belt off. It's hard to run away with your pants falling down.
Nikita Khrushchev
[to Malenkov]
If you want to talk to General Zhukov, now's your opportunity.
Georgy Zhukov
Spit it out, Georgy. Staging a coup here.
Georgy Malenkov
...He's got a knife by his ankle.
Lavrentiy Beria
You're a disgrace!
Lazar Kaganovich
Give his head a good kicking. Make you feel better.
Vyacheslav Molotov
All in good time.
Lavrentiy Beria
Oh, I'm gonna enjoy peeling the skin from your self-satisfied face.
Georgy Zhukov
[holds up the little knife]
Not with that, you won't. Come on, then.
NKVD Officer Aslanov
[Aslanov and three other NKVD officers walk in, clueless that a coup is being staged]
S-sorry, comrades.
NKVD Officer Kobulov
Wrong room.
Lavrentiy Beria
Aslanov!
Georgy Zhukov
[The NKVD men hurriedly back out; Zhukov looks at a Red Army soldier holding an AK-47]
Go and kill them, will you?
Lavrentiy Beria
Kobulov!
Anastas Mikoyan
[Beria is hauled away to a lavatory to hide him from potential rescue by the NKVD]
I have been picturing this moment every day for the last three decades.
Lavrentiy Beria
[handcuffed to a pipe]
Is this magisterial enough for you all? This charade? This is a lavatory!
Anastas Mikoyan
Well, you should feel at home then, shouldn't you, you little coil of shit?
Georgy Zhukov
[looking at Malenkov's portrait on the wall]
**** me, Georgy's eyes really do follow you around the crapper. It's weird.
Lazar Kaganovich
Why'd they hang a picture of my grandmother in here? [laughs]
Nikolai Bulganin
[...]
Ho-how long until the Army gets here? We're in complete limbo now!
Nikita Khrushchev
Not long. We have to wait for the NKVD to leave the Kremlin.
Vyacheslav Molotov
[ducking into a bathroom stall]
In that case, if nobody objects, I'm going to spend a kopeck. It's the excitement, I think...
Lavrentiy Beria
[at Beria's supposed "trial"; Malenkov attempts from a prepared statement while others shout at Beria]
This is a travesty! You are all witnesses- this is criminal! Criminal travesty! I demand my rights under Article Fort- [to Ivan Konev, who is slapping his hand against the table] Would you stop banging?!
Nikita Krushchev
Marshal?
Ivan Konev
Comrade General Secretary! Get on with it!
Lavrentiy Beria
You're judging me-you're judging me! I judge all of you! All of you!
Nikita Krushchev
**** you!
Nikita Khrushchev
[Beria keeps shouting hysterically; Malenkov gives up on reading the prepared statement, and Krushchev grabs it and starts to read it aloud]
You are accused of using your position as Minister of the Interior to plot against the Soviet Union...
Zhukov's Chief of Staff: Traitor!
Nikita Khrushchev
...with the goal of forwarding the interests of foreign powers.
Lavrentiy Beria
Foreign powers? From where, the **** moon?!
Nikita Khrushchev
You are also accused of three hundred and forty-seven counts of rape, of sexual deviancy and bourgeois immorality...
Lazar Kaganovich
Pervert!
Lavrentiy Beria
Everyone in this room is responsible for someone's death!
Nikita Khrushchev
...and acts of perversion with children as young as seven years old.
Nikolai Bulganin
Seven years old!
Vyacheslav Molotov
Rapist! **** rapist!
Lavrentiy Beria
You've got it wrong! I deny-
Nikita Khrushchev
Petra Nikova, aged 13. Nadia Ranova, aged 14. Magya Holovic, aged seven. Would you like to read the list yourself? [Beria doesn't respond] You are accused of treason and anti-Soviet behavior. The court finds you guilty and sentences you to be shot.
Lavrentiy Beria
[Beria is hauled to his feet and dragged outside, kicking and struggling amidst general commotion]
No! Please, don't shoot me! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I-
Georgy Zhukov
[An unidentified soldier takes out his sidearm and shoots Beria through the forehead. There is a shocked silence as Beria falls to the ground, dead]
Well, that's got it done. [pause] Come on, have a look. Everyone.
Vyacheslav Molotov
This is for us! This is for the people!
Georgy Zhukov
Everybody happy? Proper dead?
Nikita Krushchev
Get 'im up.
Vyacheslav Molotov
You've ruined everything, Lavrentiy. You've ruined everything!
Coup participant
[as Beria's corpse is hauled away]
**** off back to Georgia, dead boy!
Svetlana Stalina
That's how you deal with a problem, isn't it?
Nikita Khrushchev
I'm sorry you had to be here.
Svetlana Stalina
I hope you didn't tell Beria that he was going to be safe from harm.
Nikita Khrushchev
You will be safe, okay? Vasily, too. If you listen to me.
Svetlana Stalina
Why wouldn't we be safe?
Nikita Khrushchev
What are you talking about? Just be quiet now.
Svetlana Stalina
I refuse to be quiet every time...
Nikita Khrushchev
Just shut up! Vasily stays here in Russia where we can take care of him. Read it.
Svetlana Stalina
Vienna? If I stayed, I could contain Vasily.
Nikita Khrushchev
No. No. No, you go to Vienna. He stays. We can't have a drunken madman spreading conspiracy theories all over the world.
Svetlana Stalina
He's not... He's not bad.
Nikita Khrushchev
Listen to me.
Svetlana Stalina
He's just ill.
Nikita Khrushchev
No. No. You understand what's going on? This is how people get killed, when their stories don't fit. Safe travels.
Svetlana Stalina
I never thought it would be you.
Nikita Khrushchev
[Khrushchev impatiently motions her into a waiting car, and she is driven away.]
Now we can turn the corner.
Lazar Kaganovich
Yeah. Put all the bloodshed behind us.
Nikita Khrushchev
I'm worried about Malenkov, though. Can we trust him?
Lazar Kaganovich
Can you ever trust a weak man?
