Lavrentiy Beria quotes from The Death of Stalin (2017)

View Quote [Handing out execution orders] Shoot her before him, but make sure he sees it... oh, and this one, kill him, take him to his church and dump him in the pulpit... The rest I leave up to you.

View Quote [To Molotov, out of earshot] Goodbye, old friend. Goodbye forever.

View Quote It smells like a Baku piss house in here.

View Quote I thank the Union for bringing me so many devoted wives who **** like sewing machines.

View Quote [Standing over Stalin's unconscious body] Have a long sleep, old man. I'll take it from here.

View Quote It's lucky we both now live in the new Soviet Union or you and your wife and your family would be a pile of dust on the floor of a crematorium toilet.

View Quote NKVD Officer Kobulov: Some women will do anything to get their husbands released.
Lavrentiy Beria: Yep, and she did everything. I thank the Union for bringing me so many devoted wives who **** like sewing machines.

View Quote Georgy Malenkov: He's irreplaceable. How can we possibly...? I - we - must think of the people. As Acting General Secretary I must step up. I must, I must take his place while he's... on the floor.
Lavrentiy Beria: You just said he's irreplaceable.
Georgy Malenkov: Irreplaceable... "take his place", as in assembling the Central Committee, of course.
Lavrentiy Beria: Good. I was testing you. Get used to that sort of challenge.

View Quote Nikita Khrushchev: Which doctor have you called?
Georgy Malenkov: Oh, well...
Lavrentiy Beria: The subject's currently under discussion.
Georgy Malenkov: As acting General Secretary, I think that, well, the Committee should decide.
Nikita Khrushchev: The Committee? But our actual General Secretary is lying in a puddle of indignity! I think he's saying, "get me a doctor now!"
Georgy Malenkov: No, I-I don't agree. I think we should wait until we're quorate.
Nikita Khrushchev: Quorate? The room is only 75% conscious!
Lavrentiy Beria: [Peers At Him] Are you wearing pyjamas?
Nikita Khrushchev: Yeah, so?
Lavrentiy Beria: ...Why?
Nikita Khrushchev: Because I act, Lavrentiy! Decisively and with great speed.
Lavrentiy Beria: [To Malenkov] I said you'd be tested, and now you're being tested by a shouting man in pyjamas. [To Khrushchev, Indicating Stalin] Have you got a nappy under those too? Too late for him. [He Chuckles]

View Quote [the Committee lift Stalin's unconscious body]
Nikolai Bulganin: He's heavier than I thought he'd be.
Lavrentiy Beria: Do you think Stalin's too heavy?
Nikolai Bulganin: No! It's a compliment... gold is heavy!
Anastas Mikoyan: Well, you'd know. You've looted enough of it, you saucy little pirate!

View Quote [as Beria realizes he is being scapegoated for the massacre of civilians by the NKVD]
Lavrentiy Beria: It's time all of you realized who kept the daggers out of your backs. Show some **** respect! I... I've got, I've got... [grabs files from an aide] I've got documents. I have documents on all of you! [to Kruschev] You, um, 30th of March, 1937. Zolotov trials. 42 dead, 173 exiled. Your signature!
Lazar Kaganovich: Beria, that's enough!
Lavrentiy Beria: Yeah, well, you signed off on the life of your own **** brother!
Lazar Kaganovich: Oh, you think that was easy? You bastard!
Lavrentiy Beria: [to Mikoyan] Bagrov, Gorev! How did your conscience accommodate that? [to Bulganin] And Zykov! Zykov! Poor blameless, guileless Zykov! All of you! All of you! I have documents on all of you! I've seen what you've done. I know the truth. [grabs a fistful of papers] It's all written down. It's all written down on a very **** long list![hurls the papers to the ground; to a guard] Just... pick them up. [the guard does]
Nikita Khrushchev: Are we done?
Lavrentiy Beria: We will convene tomorrow, after the funeral. I will nominate... some scapegoats, we can arraign... a couple of the officers who fired.[he quickly leaves]
Nikita Khrushchev: No harm done.
Georgy Malenkov: Are you okay?
Nikita Khrushchev: It's only comrades and friends who can shout at each other like this.
Georgy Malenkov: All right, so we'll fix this in committee, right?
Nikita Khrushchev: He's using you, Georgy! He's using you, and then he's going to kill you! You saw those papers.
Georgy Malenkov: What are you talking about? Jesus, Nicky, he was pointing at you, he wasn't pointing at me.
Nikita Khrushchev: No, no, he said, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov: No, no, I was over there, and he went, [twirls his finger] "all of you".
Nikita Khrushchev: Yeah, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov: No, no, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Lazar Kaganovich: No, he said, [twirls his finger] "all of you."
Georgy Malenkov: [annoyed] You know, [twirls his finger] all of you... [bends over and points] ...can kiss my Russian ass! All of you!

View Quote [The members of the Presidium are all standing around Stalin's coffin, talking in low tones.]
Nikita Khrushchev: Ask Beria if he invited the bishops.
Georgy Malenkov: Don't give me orders. [to Bulganin] Ask Beria if he invited the bishops.
Nikolai Bulganin: [to Beria] Did you invite the bishops?
Lavrentiy Beria: Yes.
Nikolai Bulganin: [to Malenkov] Yes.
Nikita Khrushchev: Well?
Georgy Malenkov: He said yes.
Nikita Khrushchev: I'm going to give everyone in Red Square a voucher permitting one kick each to his stupid face.
Lavrentiy Beria: [to Bulganin] Is he asking for some delicious hay?
Nikolai Bulganin: No, he said something quite complicated about a voucher system.

View Quote Lavrentiy Beria: You know what I'm doing? I'm offering you and that bloated soak my protection.
Svetlana Stalina: We are not children!
[Tarasov emerges from Vasily's room, looking grim.]
Vasily Stalin: [from inside] You are a real listener, thank you...!
Svetlana Stalina: ...I am not a child.

View Quote Lavrentiy Beria: [banging on the window] Guards!
Georgy Zhukov: [bursts into the Presidium conference room] HANDS UP OR I'LL SHOOT YOU IN THE **** FACE...!
[Everyone points over his shoulder at Beria at the window.]
Lavrentiy Beria: Guards!
Georgy Zhukov: Oh, shit...
[He hands his AK-47 to a soldier standing guard at the door and marches over to Beria.]
Lavrentiy Beria: GUARDS!
Georgy Zhukov: Oy! [pulls Beria away from the window and decks him]

View Quote Georgy Zhukov: Want a job done properly, you call the Army. Take his belt off. It's hard to run away with your pants falling down.
Nikita Khrushchev: [to Malenkov] If you want to talk to General Zhukov, now's your opportunity.
Georgy Zhukov: Spit it out, Georgy. Staging a coup here.
Georgy Malenkov: ...He's got a knife by his ankle.
Lavrentiy Beria: You're a disgrace!
Lazar Kaganovich: Give his head a good kicking. Make you feel better.
Vyacheslav Molotov: All in good time.
Lavrentiy Beria: Oh, I'm gonna enjoy peeling the skin from your self-satisfied face.
Georgy Zhukov: [holds up the little knife] Not with that, you won't. Come on, then.
[Aslanov and three other NKVD officers walk in, clueless that a coup is being staged]
NKVD Officer Aslanov: S-sorry, comrades.
NKVD Officer Kobulov: Wrong room.
Lavrentiy Beria: Aslanov!
[The NKVD men hurriedly back out; Zhukov looks at a Red Army soldier holding an AK-47]
Georgy Zhukov: Go and kill them, will you?
Lavrentiy Beria: Kobulov!

View Quote [Beria is hauled away to a lavatory to hide him from potential rescue by the NKVD]
Anastas Mikoyan: I have been picturing this moment every day for the last three decades.
Lavrentiy Beria: [handcuffed to a pipe] Is this magisterial enough for you all? This charade? This is a lavatory!
Anastas Mikoyan: Well, you should feel at home then, shouldn't you, you little coil of shit?
Georgy Zhukov: [looking at Malenkov's portrait on the wall] **** me, Georgy's eyes really do follow you around the crapper. It's weird.
Lazar Kaganovich: Why'd they hang a picture of my grandmother in here? [laughs]
[...]
Nikolai Bulganin: Ho-how long until the Army gets here? We're in complete limbo now!
Nikita Khrushchev: Not long. We have to wait for the NKVD to leave the Kremlin.
Vyacheslav Molotov: [ducking into a bathroom stall] In that case, if nobody objects, I'm going to spend a kopeck. It's the excitement, I think...

View Quote [at Beria's supposed "trial"; Malenkov attempts from a prepared statement while others shout at Beria]
Lavrentiy Beria: This is a travesty! You are all witnesses- this is criminal! Criminal travesty! I demand my rights under Article Fort- [to Ivan Konev, who is slapping his hand against the table] Would you stop banging?!
Nikita Krushchev: Marshal?
Ivan Konev: Comrade General Secretary! Get on with it!
Lavrentiy Beria: You're judging me-you're judging me! I judge all of you! All of you!
Nikita Krushchev: **** you!
[Beria keeps shouting hysterically; Malenkov gives up on reading the prepared statement, and Krushchev grabs it and starts to read it aloud]
Nikita Khrushchev: You are accused of using your position as Minister of the Interior to plot against the Soviet Union...
Zhukov's Chief of Staff: Traitor!
Nikita Khrushchev: ...with the goal of forwarding the interests of foreign powers.
Lavrentiy Beria: Foreign powers? From where, the **** moon?!
Nikita Khrushchev: You are also accused of three hundred and forty-seven counts of rape, of sexual deviancy and bourgeois immorality...
Lazar Kaganovich: Pervert!
Lavrentiy Beria: Everyone in this room is responsible for someone's death!
Nikita Khrushchev: ...and acts of perversion with children as young as seven years old.
Nikolai Bulganin: Seven years old!
Vyacheslav Molotov: Rapist! **** rapist!
Lavrentiy Beria: You've got it wrong! I deny-
Nikita Khrushchev: Petra Nikova, aged 13. Nadia Ranova, aged 14. Magya Holovic, aged seven. Would you like to read the list yourself? [Beria doesn't respond] You are accused of treason and anti-Soviet behavior. The court finds you guilty and sentences you to be shot.
[Beria is hauled to his feet and dragged outside, kicking and struggling amidst general commotion]
Lavrentiy Beria: No! Please, don't shoot me! Don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I-
[An unidentified soldier takes out his sidearm and shoots Beria through the forehead. There is a shocked silence as Beria falls to the ground, dead]
Georgy Zhukov: Well, that's got it done. [pause] Come on, have a look. Everyone.
Vyacheslav Molotov: This is for us! This is for the people!
Georgy Zhukov: Everybody happy? Proper dead?
Nikita Krushchev: Get 'im up.
Vyacheslav Molotov: You've ruined everything, Lavrentiy. You've ruined everything!
Coup participant: [as Beria's corpse is hauled away] **** off back to Georgia, dead boy!