Hedley Lamarr That's Hedley. [Repeated line - he is frequently confused with Hedy Lamarr by many characters]
2nd most-quoted character in Blazing Saddles (1974): in 20 of its 93 quotes
Most scenes with: Taggart (6), Governor William J. Le Petomane (2)
I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, In**an agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, b***erers, b***whackers, h****wogglers, horse thieves, bull d***s, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!
More lines from Hedley Lamarr
9 quotes Hedley Lamarr Hedley Lamarr [to himself]
Maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage... if I could find a sheriff who so offends the citizens of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town. [To camera] But where would I find such a man? [pause]... Why am I asking you?
Hedley Lamarr Where's my froggy?
Hedley Lamarr Shut up, you Teutonic twat!!
Hedley Lamarr You will merely be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.
Hedley Lamarr Taxi! Drive me off of this picture!
Hedley Lamarr [Last words - at the footprints of Douglas Fairbanks]
How did he do such terrific stunts... with such little feet?!
Hedley Lamarr There might be a legal precedent. Land snatching. [searches books] "L--land. See snatch."
Hedley Lamarr [monologue to the camera]
A sheriff! But law and order is the last thing I want! Wait a minute...maybe I can use this to my advantage. If I could find a sheriff who so offends the people of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town! Wherever will I find such a man? [To the camera] Why am I asking you?
Scenes with Hedley Lamarr
10 scenes
I got it. I got it.
Hedley Lamarr You do?
We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em.
Hedley "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one...
Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley You spare the women?
NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on.
Hedley Marvelous.
Hedley My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Ditto!
Hedley "Ditto"? "Ditto", you provincial putz?!
Hedley My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
Hedley Shit-kicker.
Hedley Lamarr Raise your right hand... [Nazi's raise left] ...Right hand [Nazi's switch]. Repeat after me: I...
Brigands
I...
Hedley Lamarr ...your name...
Brigands
...your name...
Hedley Lamarr [to himself]
Shmucks. [loud] pledge allegiance...
Brigands
...do pledge allegiance...
Hedley Lamarr ...to Hedley Lamarr...
Brigands
...to Hedy Lamarr...
Hedley Lamarr That's Hedley!!
Brigands
That's Hedley!!
Hedley Lamarr ...and to the evil...
Brigands
...and to the evil...
Hedley Lamarr ...for which he stands.
Brigands
...for which he stands.
Hedley Lamarr Now go do, that voodoo, that you do, so weeeell!!!
Hedley Lamarr Qualifications?
Applicant
Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Hedley Lamarr You said rape twice.
Applicant
I like rape.
Hedley Lamarr That's not much of a crime.
Through the Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr [smiling]
Kinky! Sign here. (Bart begins to sign, his dark-skinned hand showing)
Jim (thinking fast, talking mock-southern, pretending to scrub the back of Bart's hand): Rhett, how many times have I told you to wash up after weekly cross-burnin's? (turns Bart's hand up, exposing naturally-light palm) See, it's comin' off! (Taggart pulls Bart's hood off).
And now, for my next impression... Jesse Owens! (Bart and Jim sprint away)
Hedley Lamarr Cease them! [fires a shot in the air] Catch them! Get them!
Hold up, men! We'll head them off at the pass!
Hedley Lamarr 'Head them off at the pass'?! I hate that clich?! [Shoots Taggart in the foot]
What do you want me to do, sir?
Hedley Lamarr I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gun slinger in the West. Take this down.
Hedley Lamarr [Taggart looks for a pen and paper while Hedley talks]
I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull ****, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists! [Laughs hysterically and sinisterly]
Hedley Lamarr [Groan!]
Hedley Lamarr Qualifications.
Rapist
Rape, murder, arson and rape.
Hedley Lamarr You said rape twice.
Rapist
I like rape.
Hedley Lamarr Charming. Sign right here.
Hedley Lamarr [The rapist signs his name]
Very good. Badge. Next. Qualifications?
Gum-chewing outlaw
Arson, armed robbery...mayhem.
Hedley Lamarr Wait a minute. What have you got in your mouth?
Gum-chewing outlaw
[Stops chewing]
Noth-um!
Hedley Lamarr "Noth-um", eh? Lyle.
Hedley Lamarr Chewing gum in line, eh? I hope you brought enough for everybody!
Gum-chewing outlaw
[panicked]
...I didn't know there was gonna be so many! [Lamarr shoots him dead]
Holy underwear! Sheriff murdered? Innocent women and children blown to bits? We've got to protect our phoney-baloney jobs, gentleman! We must do something about this immediately! Immediately, immediately! Harrumph, harrumph!" [Other staff 'harrumph' as well] I didn't get a "harrumph" out of that guy!
Hedley Lamarr Give the governor "harrumph"!
Staff member
Harrumph!
You watch your ass.
Hedley Lamarr Meeting adjourned. Oh, I am sorry, sir, I didn't mean to overstep my bounds. You say that.
Hedley Lamarr "Meeting is adjourned".
Hedley Lamarr No, you say that, Governor.
Hedley Lamarr "Meeting is adjourned".
Hedley Lamarr [sighs, then gives the governor a paddleball]
Here, sir, play with this.
Oh, thank you, Hedy.
Hedley Lamarr No, it's HEDLEY!
