When you think, Batman, with people in weird outfits, like the four super crooks hangin' around here, it's amazing somebody hasn't already reported this place to the police!
It's a low neighborhood, full of rumpots. They're used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.
Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes.
Holy marathon! I'm getting a stitch, Batman!
Let's hope it's a stitch in time, Robin! That saves nine of the nine members of the United World Security Council!
"What goes up white, and comes down yellow and white?"
An egg!
"How do you divide seventeen apples among sixteen people?"
Make apple sauce!
Apples into apple sauce; a unification into one smooth mixture. An egg: nature's perfect container the container of all our hopes for the future!
A unification and a container of hope? United World Organization!
Precisely, Robin!
Answer affirmative, Batman! We disposed of a war surplus submarine last Friday. A pre-atomic model. To some chap named, uh, "P. N. Guin".
P. N. Guin?
The Penguin!
Did this P. N. Guin leave an address?
No, just a post office box number. Would you like it?
No, thank you, Admiral. [gritting his teeth] You've been very helpful.
Avast and belay, Batman. Your tone sounds rather grim. We haven't done anything foolish, have we?
Disposing of pre-atomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses?! Good day, Admiral!
Gosh!
Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb!
A ballpoint banana.
Right! Two: "What people are always in a hurry?"
Rushing people? Russians!
Right again! Now, what would you say they mean?
Banana...Russian...I've got it! Someone Russian is gonna slip on a banana peel and break their neck!
Precisely, Robin! The only possible meaning!
Could be any one of them, but which one? W...Which ones?
O'Hara: [gasps]
Pretty fishy what happened to me on that ladder.
You mean, where there's a fish, there could be a Penguin.
But wait, it happened at sea. See? "C" for Catwoman.
Yet, an exploding shark....was pulling my leg.
The Joker!
O'Hara: All adds up to a sinister riddle. Riddle-er. Riddler?
Oh, a thought strikes me. [exhales] So dreadful I scarcely dare give it utterance.
The four of them. Their forces combined....
Holy nightmare!
Careful, careful. quack, quack. Every one of them has a mother.
Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed.
Roger. Ready to move out.
The pirates - they're gone! Popped like balloons! How'd it happen?
Whoever de-hydrated those pirates could not have foreseen their accidental re-hydration with the heavy water we use in recharging the atomic pile!
Which naturally left them in a highly unstable condition!
You saw it yourself, Robin. The [slaps his hands together] SLIGHTEST impact was sufficient to instantly reduce them to anti-matter!
Antimatter? You mean they won't be coming back?
No, Robin. Not in this universe. [they jump down from the Bat consoles] Let that be an object lesson in the dangers of tampering with the laws of Mother Nature.
Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity. Let's go, but, inconspicuously...through the window. We'll use our Batropes. [long pause] Our job is finished.
Gosh, Batman. The nobility of the almost-human porpoise.
True, Robin. It was noble of that animal to hurl himself into the path of that final torpedo. He gave his life for ours.
If I could just reverse the polarity...send out waves of super-energy...
Faugh, Quack! How should I know they'd have a can of shark-repellent Batspray handy? Why, you sniveling sardine!
Why you pompous, puffed-up penguin!
Oh, friends, make peace. Have a shake on me. [shakes their hands, and the two are electrified; Joker laughs manically, and shows he is wearing joy buzzers on his hands] A joke a day keeps the gloom away!
So help me, Catwoman, I'll feed him to the birds!
I'll incapacitate the beast with my trick confetti!
United Underworld? [scoffs as she picks up her cat] We're about as united as the members of the United World Headquarters on Gotham East River. What's the matter with you all?
She's right. she's right! If we don't manage to somehow swallow our supercriminal pride, I'm afraid-
Right, Mr. Riddler, quite right! We must hang together, or most assuredly we shall hang separately.
Oh, and what a pity that would be, on the eve of the greatest criminal coup anyone ever dreamed of!
Aha! How did it go, Catwoman?
Purr-fectly, purr-fectly. In my disguise as Kitka, I penetrated their press conference. The fools are completely baffled.
Yes, but undrowned.
Yes, unfortunately. Batman's boots didn't even look damp! How's our prisoner? Still doesn't know he's been kidnapped?
He hasn't the foggiest. He just keeps ringing for his confounded tea.
