Batman So it seems, loose to plague us with his criminal conundrums.
Played by Adam West 
Batman (1966) · 53 quotes
Batman (1966) · 53 quotes
Most-quoted character in Batman (1966): in 23 of its 53 quotes
Most scenes with: Robin (10), Miss Kitka (2)
If Robin and I were to remove our masks, the secret of our true identities will be revealed.
More lines from Batman
5 quotes Batman Batman They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're also human beings.
Batman Bon Voyage, Pussy.
Batman Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb...
Batman I will bash him brutally.
Scenes with Batman
17 scenes Batman [After the shark attack, Batman takes questions from the press in Commissioner Gordon's office]
You there, Miss...
Comrade Kitayna Ireyna Tatanya Kerenska Alisoff. I am from the Moscow Bugle.
If you please, to take off the mask to give the better picture?
Commissioner Gordon
Great Scott! Batman take off his mask?
Chief O'Hara: The woman must be mad!
Batman Please...Chief O'Hara...all of you. This young lady is a stranger to our shores. Her request is not unnatural, however, impossible to grant.
Impossible?
Batman Indeed. If Robin and I were to remove our masks, the secret of our true identities would be revealed.
Commissioner Gordon
Completely destroying their value as ace crimefighters.
Chief O'Hara: Sure, ma'am. Not even Commisioner Gordon and meself know who they really are.
In fact, our own relatives we live with don't know.
But your so curious costumes...
Don't be put off by them, ma'am. Underneath this garb, we're perfectly ordinary Americans.
You are like the masked vigilantes in the Westerns, no?
Commissioner Gordon
Certainly not! Batman and Robin are fully deputized agents of the law.
Support your police! That's our message!
Batman Well said, Robin...and no better way to end this press conference...thank you, and good day.
Gordon
[Batman, Robin, Commissioner Gordon, and Chief O'Hara consider which supercriminal might have been behind the fake yacht and exploding shark attack]
Could be any one of them, but which one? W...Which ones?
O'Hara: [gasps]
Batman Pretty fishy what happened to me on that ladder.
Gordon
You mean, where there's a fish, there could be a Penguin.
But wait, it happened at sea. See? "C" for Catwoman.
Batman Yet, an exploding shark....was pulling my leg.
Gordon
The Joker!
O'Hara: All adds up to a sinister riddle. Riddle-er. Riddler?
Gordon
Oh, a thought strikes me. [exhales] So dreadful I scarcely dare give it utterance.
Batman The four of them. Their forces combined....
Holy nightmare!
Commissioner Gordon
Penguin, Joker, Riddler...and Catwoman, too! The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate.
Batman We've been given the plainest warning. They're working together to take over-
Chief O'Hara: Take over what, Batman? Gotham City?
Batman Any two of them would try that!
Commissioner Gordon
The whole country?
Batman If it were three of them, I would say yes, but four? Their minimum objective must be...the entire world.
[In the Batcave, Batman and Robin prepare to leave in the Batmobile]
Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed.
Batman Roger. Ready to move out.
Batman [Stuck to Penguin's magnetic buoy, with a torpedo approaching, Batman pries loose his utility belt transmitter]
If I could just reverse the polarity...send out waves of super-energy...
Batman [A third torpedo approaches, but Batman's transmitter ceases its screeching]
Confound it! The batteries are dead!
[Moments after an off-camera explosion, we see Batman and Robin speeding in their Batboat]
Gosh, Batman. The nobility of the almost-human porpoise.
Batman True, Robin. It was noble of that animal to hurl himself into the path of that final torpedo. He gave his life for ours.
Fangschliester
[Batman calls Vice Admiral Fangschliester at the Pentagon about recently sold submarines]
Answer affirmative, Batman! We disposed of a war surplus submarine last Friday. A pre-atomic model. To some chap named, uh, "P. N. Guin".
Batman P. N. Guin?
The Penguin!
Batman Did this P. N. Guin leave an address?
Fangschliester
No, just a post office box number. Would you like it?
Batman No, thank you, Admiral. [gritting his teeth] You've been very helpful.
Fangschliester
Avast and belay, Batman. Your tone sounds rather grim. We haven't done anything foolish, have we?
Batman [slowly]
Disposing of pre-atomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses?! Good day, Admiral!
Fangschliester
[They hang up]
Gosh!
Batman [Batman reads Miss Kitka's riddles to Robin]
One: "What has yellow skin and writes?"
A ballpoint banana.
Batman Right! Two: "What people are always in a hurry?"
Rushing people? Russians!
Batman Right again! Now, what would you say they mean?
Banana...Russian...I've got it! Someone Russian is gonna slip on a banana peel and break their neck!
Batman Precisely, Robin! The only possible meaning!
Alfred
What is the scheme, sir?
Batman Tonight, Bruce Wayne will go out on the town with Miss Kitka.
Alfred
A not-displeasing chore, sir.
Batman Indeed, Alfred! I've rarely met a girl who's such a potent argument in favor of international "relations".
[Batman and Robin are climbing up the wharf building concealing the United Underworld hideout]
When you think, Batman, with people in weird outfits, like the four super crooks hangin' around here, it's amazing somebody hasn't already reported this place to the police!
Batman It's a low neighborhood, full of rumpots. They're used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.
Gosh, drink is sure a filthy thing, isn't it? I'd rather be dead than unable to trust my own eyes.
Batman [Batman dashes around the pier trying to dispose of a comically large bomb, repeatedly running into insensate bar patrons, the Salvation Army, two nuns, a baby stroller, lovers in a boat, and ducks in the water]
Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb!
[In the Batcave, Penguin's reconstituted pirates all disappear the moment they're touched]
The pirates - they're gone! Popped like balloons! How'd it happen?
Batman Whoever de-hydrated those pirates could not have foreseen their accidental re-hydration with the heavy water we use in recharging the atomic pile!
Which naturally left them in a highly unstable condition!
Batman You saw it yourself, Robin. The [slaps his hands together] SLIGHTEST impact was sufficient to instantly reduce them to anti-matter!
Antimatter? You mean they won't be coming back?
Batman No, Robin. Not in this universe. [they jump down from the Bat consoles] Let that be an object lesson in the dangers of tampering with the laws of Mother Nature.
Batman [Batman and Robin spy the Riddler's latest missile-delivered clues]
"What goes up white, and comes down yellow and white?"
An egg!
Batman "How do you divide seventeen apples among sixteen people?"
Make apple sauce!
Batman Apples into apple sauce; a unification into one smooth mixture. An egg: nature's perfect container the container of all our hopes for the future!
A unification and a container of hope? United World Organization!
Batman Precisely, Robin!
[Batman and Robin are running through the streets of Gotham to the United World headquarters]
Holy marathon! I'm getting a stitch, Batman!
Batman Let's hope it's a stitch in time, Robin! That saves nine of the nine members of the United World Security Council!
Batman [Last lines; after processing the jumbled powders of the Security Council members with their Super Molecular Dust Separator, the Dynamic Duo discovers the rehydrated delegates are speaking the wrong languages]
Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity. Let's go, but, inconspicuously...through the window. We'll use our Batropes. [long pause] Our job is finished.
