All right, you're not going to put that skin in your mouth, are you?
[eats piece of skin]
You did. Okay, that's just gross.
Mini-Me [cringes and shakes head]
Austin Powers
Mike Myers · 27 quotes
Doctor Evil
Mike Myers · 24 quotes
Goldmember
John Travolta · 22 quotes
Fat Bastard
Mike Myers · 12 quotes
Foxxy Cleopatra
Beyoncé · 11 quotes
Nigel Powers
Michael Caine · 11 quotes
Most scenes together: Doctor Evil & Goldmember (7), Austin Powers & Foxxy Cleopatra (5), Austin Powers & Doctor Evil (4)
Austin Powers in Goldmember quotes
Page 2 of 6 Mini-Me Breaker-breaker one-niner, this is Goldie Wang. Over.
Ten-four there, Goldie Wang. This is Rubber Duckie. What's your ten-twenty? Over.
I've got Preparation H in my rear and Smokey the Bear on my back door. We got us a convoy. Over.
Yee-haw! Copy that, you son of a bitch, pile of monkey nuts.
Dr. Evil, we have the ultimate insurance policy; may I present to you, the very sexual, the very toit, Austin Power's fahza!
His what?
Number 2
His fazha, Dr. Evil.
His farjer?
Number 2
[nods]
What's farjer?
His fazha, ya know the fazha!
Yeah, Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch, OK, perv-boy.
Fazha, his dad--dad is fazha.
Oh, his dad. Oh, his father.
Yes, I have a Dutch accent, isn't that weird?
Fat-ther, Fat-ther. Ah, Nigel Powers.
Hello, hello. (slaps Frau on her rear) Ha-ha-ha!
Bring him to me.
Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. Oh, put the guns down. Is-is this the first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes, you attack me, one at a time, and I knock you out with a single punch. Okay? Go.
(to third guard)
Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. (laughing) You got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?
(The guard complies.)
All right, Dr. Evil, give yourself up while you still got a chance. (handgun chambers behind Nigel) Okay, okay, you got me.
Nigel Powers, I'd like you to meet Mini-me.
Oh, blimey! (looks down at Mini-me) I thought I smelled cabbage.
Take him away!
Uh-uh, Dr. Evil, can I paint his yoo-hoo go-o-l-l-l-d? It's kind of my thing, ya know?
(Dr. Evil pilots his chair over to Goldmember, and swivels it to look at Goldmember.)
How 'bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard!
Not so fast, shmarty-pants. Dr. Evil, you might not want to deschtroy the world, but I dooooooo... Preparation H goes ahead as planned. I'm going to flood the Earth!
Think again, Goldmember.
Ahh, Foxxy Cleopatra; it is a shame I had to kill your partner. Too bad for you-u-u!
Too bad for me? How about too bad for you (holds the gold tractor beam key over the shark tank which has sharks with lasers on their frickin' heads).
(Foxxy drops the key into the tank.)
No-ho-ho! No-ho-ho-ho! (composes himself) Luckily, I keep a spare.
(Goldmember turns around and removes his genitals with a lot of racheting and twisting.)
Look everyone, my winky was a key!
Would you like a smoke and a pancake?
... What?
A smoke and a pancake. You know, a flapjack and a cigarette? No?
[shakes head]
Cigar and a waffle? No?
[shakes head]
Pipe and a crepe? No?
[shakes head]
Bong and a blintz?
No.
Well, then there ish no pleashing you.
That's not right.
Japanese Man 1
Run! It's Godzilla.
Japanese Man 2
It looks like Godzilla, but due to International Copyright Laws, it's not.
Japanese Man 1
Still, we should run like it is Godzilla!
Japanese Man 2
Though it isn't.
[Both scream and run]
Johnson Sir? Dr. Evil is not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.
World Leader
Which one?
Johnson It's the one that looks like a pair of--
Woman
[cut to fruit stand]
Melons! Big juicy melons![holds them in front of her breasts.]
Man Are they nice and firm?
Woman
Well, what do you think?
Man [pointing to the sky]
Look at that! It looks like a set of giant--
Man with second T
[cut to football game. 4 men are cheering with the letters "T","I","T" and "S" painted on their chests.]
A, and N, you're late! [two men with the letters "A" and "N" arrive, forming "TITANS."]
"A" Man
How we doing, man?
Men
Yeah! Go, Titans! Yeah!
"A" Man
Check it out! Those remind me of--
Ozzy Osbourne
[film pauses]
Boobs!
Sharon Osbourne
Boobs, Ozzy?
Ozzy Osbourne
These filmmakers are just f[bleep]ing boobs!
Kelly Osbourne
What do you mean, Dad?
Ozzy Osbourne
Well, their using the same f[bleep]ing jokes as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.
Sharon Osbourne
What f[bleep]ing joke?
Jack Osbourne
You know, the f[bleep]ing joke about the long, smooth rocket that looks like some guy's--
World Leader
[back to World Organization]
Johnson?
Johnson Yes sir?
World Leader
Any sign of that satellite?
Johnson No sir. It's gone.
[to Mini-Me]
So, little fella, I'm curious. Is everything in proportion? [Mini-Me nods unsure] You know, your bobby dangler, giggle stick, your general-two-colonels, master of ceremonies...Yeah, don't be shy, let's have a look. [Mini-Me unzips his pants] My lord! You're a tripod. What you been feeding that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!
[Mini-Me nods, smiling]
Tom Cruise Yeah, baby!
Steven Spielberg (When Austin says he should change the opening credits)
Yeah, well (Holds up an Oscar) my friend here - he thinks it's fine the way it is.
Young Dr. Evil
(Checking the class rankings)
Hey everybody, I'm #1!
Young Number 2
Hello. I'm Number 2.
Young Dr. Evil
Pleased to meet you Number 2. I'm #1. *evil laugh*
Young Number 2
*evil laugh*
Both
*evil laugh*
Young Dr. Evil
[checking the class rankings]
Hey everybody, I'm #1!
Young Number 2
Hello. I'm Number 2.
Young Dr. Evil
Pleased to meet you, Number 2. But now, I'm finally going to be this year’s international man of mystery! [laughs evilly]
Boy
[Young Number 2 laughs along with Young Dr. Evil] [off screen]
Shut your gob! [throws a cupcake at Dr. Evil]
Young Dr. Evil
Ow! [the students laugh] Who throws a cupcake? Honestly.
[After Scott gives Dr. Evil a couple of laser-beamed sharks as a present, they finally hug as father and son]
Alright, it's getting crowded in here. Everyone out! Everyone out, come on! [Scott moves to get up] Not you, Scottie. [Number Two moves to get up] Not you, Number Two. [Frau moves to get up] Not you, Frau. [Goldmember moves to get up] Not you, Goldmember. [camera cuts to various henchmen around the sub] Not you guys back there. Not you, henchman holding wrench. Not you, henchman arbitrarily turning knobs, making it seem like you're doing something. [awkward silence, as everyone turns to look as Mini-Me] Oooh, this is uncomfortable.
Haha, the tiny one can't take a hint! He doesn't understand he is shmall, haha.
[Mini-Me became sad and feels dejected. He slowly rolls out of the room in his wheel chair, but not before flipping the bird at Dr. Evil, who is shocked in rage]
[Austin falls and accidentally pulls Dr. Evil's pants, which reveals his butt with the tattoo on it]
You know, Dr. Evil, most people think you were crazy.
I know.
Now I can see you're nuts. [to the camera] I thank you. [smiles]
Basil
[Basil brings in three sailors]
Austin, these men were assigned to guard your father. [to the sailors] Okay, chaps. Chins up, trousers down. [to Austin] I think we may have found a clue.
[The sailors pull down their pants, and Austin is shocked to see what they have exposed]
Cor blimey! All your privates have had their privates painted gold! How bizarre! Imagine, gilded tally-whackers, golden wedding tackle, 14-karat trouser snakes.
Basil
That's enough.
Okay. Basil, there's only one person in the world who truly understands the psychology of a madman.
[Everyone surrounds the defeated Goldmember]
Goldmember. [he stands up] You're under arrest, sugar.
[Goldmember turns around, and it was John Travolta in the movie Austinpussy] Goldmember (John Travolta): Hey, assholes! Do I have time for a last smoke and a pancake or what? [bites off the skin; the camera pulls out to reveal a movie theater. Austin, Foxxy, Dr. Evil, and Mini-Me were in the audience while enjoying their film] I am from Holland! Isn't that weird?! [showing off some groovy dance moves]