Aladdin (1992) · 67 quotes
Puppet ruler want a cracker?!
Iago
Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's goin' nuts! Jafar! [pounds on Jafar's turban] Jafar! GET A GRIP!!! [Jafar grabs him toughly around the throat which causes his head's blood circulation] Good grip.
Iago
Ya got a problem... [hits the flamingo with his right stilt, and the flamingo falls into the water] Pinky?! Jerk. [laughs maniacally, removes his flamingo disguise, sneaks into the palace, and gets the lamp] Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you! [mimics Jafar] Excellent work, Iago! [in his normal voice] Aw, go on! [as Jafar] No, really. I mean, dead seriously. On a scale of 1 to 10, you are an 11. [in his normal voice] Oh, Jafar, you're too kind. [flies away with the lamp] I'm embarrassed. I'm blushing.
Jafar
The universe is mine to command! TO CONTROL!!
Not so fast, Jafar! Aren't you forgetting something?!
Jafar
Huh?
You wanted to be a genie? You got it!
Jafar
WHAT?!
And everything that goes with it!
Jafar
NO! NO!!
Iago
I'm gettin' outta here!
Phenomenal cosmic powers!
Jafar
NOOOOOOOO!!!
Iago
Come on! You're the genie! I don't wanna be... [gets trapped in the lamp with Jafar]
Itty-bitty living space.
Al! You little genius, you!
Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place / Where the caravan camels roam / Where it's flat and immense / And the heat is intense (soundtrack version: Where they cut off your ear / If they don't like your face) / It's barbaric, but hey, it's home...| When the wind's from the east / And the sun's from the west / And the sand in the glass is right / Come on down / Stop on by / Hop a carpet and fly / To another Arabian night...| Arabian nights / Like Arabian days / More often than not / Are hotter than hot / In a lot of good ways...| Arabian nights / 'Neath Arabian moons / A fool of his guard / Could fall and fall hard / Out there on the dunes...| [speaking] Ah, salaam and good evening to you, my worthy friend. Please, please come closer. [the camera zooms in] Ah uh, too close, a little to close... [the camera pulls back] There. Welcome to Agrabah, city of mystery, of enchantment, [pulls a bag off of the camel and unrolls it to reveal a merchant's stand] and the finest merchandise this side of the River Jordan, on sale today! Come on down. [chuckles] Look at this, yes, he he, combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes julienne fries! It will not break! It will not... [breaks apart] It broke. [toss it away] Oh, look at this, I have never seen one of these intact before...This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen, [lifts cover slightly and blows a raspberry] ah, still good. Ha ha. [the camera pans to the right] Wait, don't go! I can see that you are only interested in the exceptionally rare. I think, then, you will be most rewarded to consider this. [pulls out an oil lamp] Do not be fooled by its common-place appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts. This is no ordinary lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life. A young man, who like this lamp, was more than what he seemed...A diamond in the rough. Perhaps you will like to hear the tale? [pours sand from the lamp into his hand, and throws it into the air which form into stars which transition into the next scene] It begins on a dark night, where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose.
Jafar
You... are late.
A thousand apologies O Patient One.
Jafar
You have it, then?
I had to slit a few throats, but I got it. [pulls the scarab piece back] Ah-ah! The treasure! [Iago flies over and swipes the piece] Ouch!
Jafar
Trust me my pungent friend. You'll get what's coming to you.
Iago
What's coming to you! Awk!
Jafar
Quickly, follow the trail! [On horseback, the trio chase the medallion across the moonlit desert] FASTER!
Jafar
At last! After all my years of searching...The Cave of Wonders!
Iago
Awk! Cave of Wonders!
By Allah!
Jafar
Now...Remember! Bring me the lamp. The rest of the treasure is yours. But the lamp, is mine!
Iago
Awk! The lamp! Awk! The lamp! [Now that Iago and Jafar are alone, Iago opens up in normal English] Geez, where did ya dig this bozo up?
Jafar
Shh.
Cave of Wonders
WHO DISTURBS MY SLUMBER?!
Er...it is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.
Cave of Wonders
KNOW THIS. ONLY ONE MAY ENTER HERE. ONE WHOSE WORTH LIES FAR WITHIN. A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH!
Jafar
What are you waiting for? Go on!
Jafar
Nooooooooo!!!!
Cave of Wonders
SEEK THEE OUT, the diamond, the diamond in the rough. [echoes]
Iago
I can't believe it! I just don't believe it! We're never gonna get a hold of that stupid lamp! Just forget it! Look at this. Look at this. I'm so ticked off that I'm molting. [He flies up to Jafar's shoulder]
Jafar
Patience, Iago, patience. Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.
Iago
Oh, there's a big surprise. That's it, an incredib-- I think I'm gonna have a heart attack and die from that surprise. What are we gonna do? We got a big problem, a big--
Jafar
Yes. Only one may enter, I must find this one, this...diamond in the rough.
Sultan
I don't know where she gets it from. Her mother wasn't nearly so picky.
Sultan
Ooh, oh. Ah, Jafar, my most trusted advisor. I am in desperate need of your wisdom.
Jafar
My life is but to serve you, my lord. [bows]
Sultan
It's this suitor business, Jasmine refuses to choose a husband, I'm at my wit's-end.
Iago
Awk, wit's-end.
Sultan
Oh, ha ha. Have a cracker, pretty Polly!
Jafar
Your Majesty, certainly has a way with dumb animals. Now then, perhaps I can divine a solution to this thorny problem.
Sultan
If anyone can help, it's you.
Jafar
Ah, but it will require the use of the mystic blue diamond.
Sultan
Uh, my ring? But it's been in the family for years.
Jafar
It is necessary to find the Princess a suitor.
Jafar
Don't worry. Everything will be fine.
Sultan
Everything will be fine.
Jafar
The diamond.
Sultan
Here, Jafar, whatever you need will be fine.
Jafar
You are most gracious, my liege. Now run along and play with your little toys.
Sultan
Yes, that'll be pretty good.
Iago
I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those moldy, disgusting crackers. Bam! Whack!
Jafar
Calm yourself, Iago.
Iago
Then I'd grab him around the head. Whack! Whack!
Jafar
Soon, I will be sultan, not that addle-pated twit.
Iago
And then I stuff the crackers down his throat! [laughs]
[The pair pass through a door and slam it shut]
Iago
With all due respect, your rottenness, couldn't we just wait for a real storm?
Jafar
Save your breath, Iago. Faster!
Iago
Yes, O Mighty Evil One.
Jafar
Ah, sands of time - Reveal to me the one who could enter the cave. [The sand in top forms the Cave of Wonders, it falls through into a storm, but it shows Aladdin climbing up a ladder, followed by Jasmine who is covered in her cloak] Yes, yes! There he is. My diamond in the rough!
Iago
That's him, that's the clown we've been waiting for?
Jafar
Let's have the guards extend him an invitation to the palace. Shall we?
Iago
Swell.
[Jafar laughs hideously, and the camera zooms in on Aladdin in the hourglass]
Jafar?
Jafar
Oh, uh, Princess.
Iago
Awk! Jafar, I'm stuck!
Jafar
How may I be of service to you? [spreads out his cape]
The guards just took a boy from the market, on your orders.
Jafar
Your father's charged me with keeping peace in Agrabah. The boy was a criminal.
What was his crime?
Iago
I can't breathe, Jafar!
Jafar
Why, kidnapping the Princess, of course.
Iago
If you could just. [he kicks him back inside the door and it slams shut] Ow! That hurt!
He didn't kidnap me! I ran away!
Jafar
Oh, dear! Oh, why frightfully upsetting. Had I but known.
What do you mean?
Jafar
Sadly, the boy's sentence has already been carried out.
What sentence?
Jafar
Death. [Jasmine gasps] By beheading.
No!
Jafar
I am exceedingly sorry, Princess.
How could you? [crying]
Iago
So, how did it go?
Jafar
I think she took it rather well. [they both get a sinister smile on their faces]
It's all my fault, Rajah. I didn't even know his name.
She was the Princess. I don't believe it. I must have sounded so stupid to her.
Abu
Yoo-hoo! Aladdin? Hello!
Abu! Down here!
Hey, come on. Help me outta these.
Hey, she was in trouble. Ah, she was worth it.
Abu
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't worry, Abu, I'll never see her again. I'm a street rat, remember, and there's a law. She's gotta marry a prince, she deserves it.
Abu
Ta da!
I'm a fool.
Jafar
You're only a fool if you give up, boy.
Who are you?
Jafar
A lowly prisoner like yourself. But together perhaps we can be more.
I'm listening.
Jafar
There is a cave, boy, the Cave of Wonders, filled with treasures beyond your wildest dreams.
Jafar
Treasure enough to impress even your princess, I'd wager.
Iago
Jafar, can ya hurry it up? I'm dying in here!
But the law says that only a prince can marry...
Jafar
Haven't you heard of the Golden Rule, haven't you boy? Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
So why will you share all of that wonderful treasure with me?
Jafar
I need a young pair of legs and a strong back to go in after it.
Uh, one problem. It's out there, we're in here?
Jafar
Mmm, mmm, mmm. Things aren't always what they seem. So do we have a deal?
Abu
Hmm?
Sultan
Jafar, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all your years of loyal service... From now on, you're to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me, before they are beheaded.
Jafar
I assure you, Your Highness, it won't happen again.
Sultan
Jasmine, Jafar, now let's put this whole messy business behind us. Please?
Jafar
My most abject and humblest apologies to you as well, Princess.
At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am queen, I will have the power to get rid of you.
Sultan
That's nice. All settled, then. Now, Jasmine, getting back to this suitor business, [looks and sees Jasmine walking out] Jasmine? Jasmine!
Jafar
If only I had gotten that lamp!
Iago
I will have the power to get rid of you! [normal voice] Doh! To think, we gotta keep kissing up to that chump, and his chump daughter for the rest of our lives...
Jafar
No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband. Then she'll have us banished, or beheaded!
Eeewww!
Iago
Oh! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Jafar? What if you were the chump husband?
Jafar
What?
Iago
Okay, you marry the Princess, all right? Then, uh, you become Sultan!
Jafar
Oh! Marry the shrew? I become Sultan. The idea has merit!
Iago
Yes, merit! Yes! And then we drop Papa-in-Law and the little woman off a cliff! [dive bombs into the floor] Kersplat!
Jafar
Iago, I love the way your foul little mind works!
[Both laugh]
Jafar
Sire, I have found a solution to the problem with your daughter.
Iago
Awk! The problem with your daughter!
Sultan
Oh, really?
Jafar
Right here. "If the Princess has not chosen a husband by the appointed time, then The sultan shall choose for her."
Sultan
But Jasmine hated all those suitors! [He tries to stuff a cracker into Iago's mouth. Iago backs away. The Sultan absentmindedly pulls the cracker back.] How could I choose someone she hates? [Iago is relieved, but The Sultan quickly stuffs a cracker in his mouth.]
Jafar
Not to worry, my liege. There is more. If, in the event a suitable prince cannot be found, a princess must then be wed to... hmm... interesting.
Sultan
What? Who?
Jafar
The royal vizier! Why, that would be...me!
Sultan
Why, I thought the law says that only a prince can marry a princess, I'm quite sure.
Jafar
Desperate times call for desperate measures, my lord. [He pulls out the staff and hypnotizes The Sultan with it.]
Sultan
Yes... desperate measures...
Jafar
You will order the Princess to marry me.
Sultan
I... will order... the Princess... to... [the spell breaks momentarily] ...but you're so old!
Jafar
The Princess WILL marry me!
Sultan
The Princess will marry... What? What is that? That music! Ha ha ha. Jafar, you must come and see this!
Make way for Prince Ali / Say hey! It's Prince Ali.
Hey, clear the way in the old bazaar / Hey, you! Let us through, it's a bright new star / Oh, come be the first on your block to meet his eye / Make way, here he comes, ring bells, bang the drums! / Oh, you're gonna love this guy!| Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababwa / Genuflect, show some respect / Down on one knee / Now, try your best to stay calm / Brush up your Sunday salaam / Then come and meet his spectacular coterie / Prince Ali, mighty is he, Ali Ababwa / Strong as ten regular men, definitely. [speaking as Walter Brennan] He faced the galloping hordes! [singing] A hundred bad guys with swords / [as Lou Albano] Who sent those goons to their lords? Why, Prince Ali!
He's got 75 golden camels.
Don't they look lovely, June?
Purple peacocks, he's got 53.
Fabulous, Harry, I love the feathers. [singing] When it comes to exotic-type mammals / Has he got a zoo? I'm telling you.
It's a world-class menagerie.
Prince Ali, handsome is he, there's no question, this Ali's alluring / Ali Ababwa, never ordinary, never boring / That physique! How can I speak? / Weak at the knee, everything about the man just plain impresses / Well, get on out in that square, he's a winner, he's a wiz, a wonder / Adjust your veil and prepare, he's about to pull my heart asunder / To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Ali, and I absolutely love the way he dresses.
He's got 95 white Persian monkeys / He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys / And to view them, he charges no fee / He's generous, so generous / He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies / Proud to work for him! / They bow to his whim, love serving him / They're just lousy with loyalty to Ali, Prince Ali.
Prince Ali, amorous he, Ali Ababwa.
Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see! / And that, good people, is why / He got dolled up and dropped by.
With 60 elephants, llamas galore / With his bears and lions, a brass band and more / With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers / His birds that warble on key / Make way for Prince Ali! [fanfare ends]
Sultan
Splendid, absolutely marvelous.
Your Majesty, I have journeyed from afar to seek your daughter's hand.
Sultan
Prince Ali Ababwa! Of course. I'm delighted to meet you. [rushes over and shakes Aladdin's hand] This is my royal vizier, Jafar. He's delighted too.
Jafar
Ecstatic. I'm afraid, Prince Abooboo...
...Ababwa!
Jafar
Whatever. You cannot just parade in here uninvited and expect to...
Sultan
...by Allah, this is quite a remarkable device. [tugs at the tassels, and they tug his moustache] I don't suppose I might...
Why certainly, Your Majesty. Allow me.
Jafar
Sire, I must advise against this.
Sultan
Oh, button up, Jafar. Learn to have a little fun.
Jafar
Just where did you say you were from?
Oh, much farther than you've traveled, I'm sure. [smiles. Jafar does not]
Jafar
Try me. [Iago lands on the staff]
Sultan
Look out, Polly!
Iago
Hey, watch it. Watch it with the dumb rug!
Sultan
Out of the way, I'm coming in to land. Jafar, watch this! [he lands]
Jafar
Spectacular, Your Highness.
Sultan
Ooh, that was lovely. Yes, I do seem to have a knack for it. [Carpet walks over to Abu dizzily, then collapses. Abu catches it] This is a very impressive youth. And a prince besides. [whispers to Jafar] If we're lucky, you won't have to marry Jasmine after all.
Jafar
I don't trust him, Sire.
Sultan
Nonsense. One thing I pride myself on Jafar, I'm an excellent judge of character.
Iago
Oh, excellent judge, yeah, sure... not!!!
Sultan
Jasmine will like this one!
And I'm pretty sure I'll like Princess Jasmine!
Jafar
Your Highness, no. I must intercede on Jasmine's behalf. [Jasmine hears this and gets mad] This boy is no different than the others. What makes him think he is worthy of the princess?
Your Majesty, I am Prince Ali Ababwa! [pricks Jafar's goatee, which springs out in all directions] Just let her meet me. I will win your daughter!
How dare you? [they all look at her surprised] All of you, standing around deciding my future? I am not a prize to be won! [storms out]
Sultan
Oh, dear. Don't worry, Prince Ali. Just give Jasmine time to cool down. [they exit]
Jafar
I think it's time to say goodbye to Prince Abooboo.
What am I going to do? Jasmine won't even let me talk to her. I should have known I couldn't pull off this stupid prince wish.
So move! [Carpet does, knocking a black piece off the board] Hey, that's a good move. [as Rodney Dangerfield] I can't believe it-- I'm losing to a rug.
Genie, I need help.
Okay, Sparky, here's the deal. You wanna court the Little Lady, you gotta be a straight shooter, do ya got it?
What?
Tell her the...TRUTH!!!
No way! If Jasmine found out I was really some crummy street rat, [downcast] she'd laugh at me. [dons turban]
A woman appreciates a man who can make her laugh! Al, all joking aside, you really oughtta be yourself.
Hey, that's the last thing I want to be. Okay, I'm gonna go see her. I gotta be smooth, cool, confident. How do I look?
Like a prince.
Princess Jasmine?
Who's there?
It's me, Prince Ali. Ahem-- [then he jumps to his deep voice] Prince Ali Ababwa.
I do not want to see you.
No, no, please, Princess. Give me a chance. [Rajah growls and advances on him]
Just leave me alone.
I'll leave you alone. Down, kitty!
How's our beau doing?
Good kitty, take off. Down, kitty. [He takes off his turban to brush Rajah away]
Wait, wait. Do I know you?
Uh, no, no.
You remind me of someone I met in the marketplace.
The marketplace? [a bee buzzes around his head] I have servants that go to the marketplace for me. Why I even have servants who go to the marketplace for my servants, so it couldn't have been me you met.
No, I guess not.
Enough about you, Casanova. Talk about her! She's smart, fun, the hair, the eyes. Anything--pick a feature!
Um, Princess Jasmine? You're very...
Wonderful, glorious, magnificent, punctual!
Punctual!
Punctual?
Sorry.
Beautiful.
Nice recovery.
Hmm. I'm rich too, you know.
Yeah!
The daughter of a sultan.
I know.
A fine prize for any prince to marry.
Uh, right. Right. A prince like me.
Warning! Warning!
Right, a prince like you. And every other stuffed shirt, swaggering peacock I've met!
Mayday! Mayday!
Just go jump off a balcony! [turns and walks away]
What?
Stop her! Stop her! Do you want me to sting her?
Buzz off!
Okay, fine. But remember-- bee yourself! [buzzes into his turban]
Yeah, right!
What!?!
Uh, you're right. You aren't just some prize to be won. [looks disappointed] You should be free to make your own choice. [Jasmine and Rajah look at each other in confusion] I'll go now. [steps up on the ledge and drops off]
No.
No? What? What?
How-- how are you doing that? [she looks over the edge and sees the Carpet]
It's a magic carpet.
It's lovely. [Carpet takes Jasmine's hand with a tassel]
You, uh, you don't want to go for a ride, do you? We could get out of the palace, see the world.
Is it safe?
Sure. Do you trust me?
What?
Do you trust me?
Yes.
I can show you the world / Shining, shimmering, splendid / Tell me, Princess, now when did / You last let your heart decide?| I can open your eyes / Take you wonder by wonder / Over, sideways and under / On a magic carpet ride...| A whole new world / A new fantastic point of view / No one to tell us no / Or where to go / Or say we're only dreaming.
A whole new world / A dazzling place I never knew / But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear / That now I'm in a whole new world with you.
Now I'm in a whole new world with you.
Unbelievable sights / Indescribable feeling / Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling / Through an endless diamond sky...| A whole new world.
Don't you dare close your eyes.
A hundred thousand things to see.
Hold your breath, it gets better.
I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far.
I can't go back to where I used to be...| A whole new world.
Every turn a surprise.
With new horizons to pursue.
Every moment, red-letter.
I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare / Let me share this whole new world with you...| A whole new world, a whole new world / That's where we'll be, that's where we'll be.
A thrilling chase.
A wondrous place.
For you and me...| [song fades]
It's all so magical.
Yeah.
It's a shame Abu had to miss this.
Nah, he hates fireworks. He doesn't really like flying either. That is... Oh, no!
You're the boy from the market! I knew it. Why did you lie to me?
Jasmine, I'm so sorry.
Did you think I was stupid?
No.
That I wouldn't figure it out?
No. I mean, I hoped you wouldn't. No, that's not what I meant.
Who are you? Tell me the truth!
The truth?
The truth, the truth is, I sometimes dress as a commoner, to escape the pressures of palace life. But I really am a prince!
Why didn't you just tell me?
Well, you know, uh, royalty going out into the city in disguise. It seems a little strange, don't you think?
Not that strange.
Good night, my handsome prince.
Sleep well, Princess. [They slowly lean forward to kiss before Carpet bumps him up and they kiss sooner than expected] Yes! [he falls back onto the Carpet, who descends to the ground] For the first time in my life, things are starting to go right. [Aladdin looks up at Jasmine's balcony, and suddenly the guards' hand grab him]
Aha!
Hey! What?! [muffled] Abu? Abu?
Hold him!
Jafar
I'm afraid you've worn out your welcome, Prince A-Boo-Boo.
Why, you...
Jafar
Make sure he's never found.
[Razoul hits him in the head, and he falls unconscious. In a cliff, where Razoul laughs as Aladdin's body drops into the water. He is conscious now, but his feet are tied to a rock. The rock hits the sea bottom, then the turban lands and the lamp tumbles out. He sees this and struggles to rub the lamp. However, he loses consciousness and falls to the floor. The lamp, unsettled by his movement, rolls down and rubs against his hands. It shakes, and Genie emerges with a bath brush, rubber duckie, and shower cap]
Never fails. You get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp. [squeaks the duck] Hello? [sees unconscious Aladdin] Al? Al! Kid, snap out of it. You can't cheat on this one, I can't help you unless you make a wish. You have to say, "Genie, I want you to save my life." Got it? Okay. Come on, Aladdin!! [he grabs Aladdin by the shoulders and shakes him. His head goes up, then falls] I'll take that as a yes. [head turns into a siren] Wooga! Wooga! [turns into a submarine] Up scope! [he babbles in something that sounds like German. On the surface, a giant water spout emerges, and lands on top of the cliff. Aladdin reawakes and coughs the water out of his lungs] Don't you scare me like that!
Genie, I-- uh, I- uh, I... [he can't think of how to say it, so they just hug each other] Thanks, Genie.
Oh, Al. I'm gettin' kind of fond of you, Kid. Not that I want to pick out curtains or anything.
Sultan
Jasmine!
Oh, Father-- I just had the most wonderful time. I'm so happy.
Sultan
You should be, Jasmine. I have chosen a husband for you.
What?
Sultan
You will wed Jafar.
Jafar
You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife.
I will never marry you. [goes to The Sultan] Father, I choose Prince Ali!
Jafar
Prince Ali left!
Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar!
Prince Ali!
Iago
How in the he-- [back to parrot-ese] --uh, awk!
Tell them the truth, Jafar! You tried to have me killed.
Jafar
What? [goes to The Sultan] Ridiculous nonsense, Your Highness. He is obviously lying.
Sultan
Obviously...lying.
Father, what's wrong with you?
I know what's wrong.
Sultan
Oh, oh, oh my!
Your Highness, Jafar's been controlling you with this! [he advances the staff]
Sultan
What? Jafar? You, you traitor!
Jafar
Your Majesty, all of this can be explained.
Sultan
Guards! Guards!
Iago
Well, that's it--we're dead, forget it. Just dig a grave for both of us. We're dead.
Sultan
Arrest Jafar at once.
Jafar
This is not done yet, boy!
Sultan
Find him, search everywhere!
Jasmine, are you all right?
Yes.
Sultan
Jafar, my most trusted counselor, plotting against me all this time. This is horrible, just horrible. How will I ever--
Sultan
Can it be true? My daughter has finally chosen a suitor? [she nods] Ha, ha! Praise Allah! You brilliant boy, I could kiss you! I won't--I'll leave that to my... [Aladdin beams] But you two will be wed at once! Yes, yes. And you'll be happy and prosperous, and then my boy, you will be sultan!
Sultan?
Sultan
Yes, a fine upstanding youth like yourself, a person of your unimpeachable moral character is exactly what this kingdom needs!
Iago
We gotta get outta here! We gotta get-- I gotta start packing, Your Highness. Only essentials.
Iago
We gotta travel light! Bring the guns, the weapons, the knives [stops and takes out a picture of himself and Jafar] and how about this picture? I don't know--I think I'm making a weird face in it.
Iago
Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's gone nuts. [Iago flies down to an oblivious Jafar and knocks on his head] Jafar? Jafar? Get a grip! [Jafar grabs him around the neck] Good grip!
Jafar
Prince Ali is nothing more than that ragged urchin Aladdin. [loosens his grip] He has the lamp, Iago.
Iago
Why that miserable--
Jafar
But you are going to relieve him of it!
Iago
Me?
Sultan? You want me to be "sultan"?
Huzzah! Hail the conquerin' hero! [He turns into a one-man band. He sees Aladdin walk away with his head hung. He stops, scratches his head, comes up with an idea, then zooms over to Aladdin. He holds up his hands like a director scoping a picture and we look through them.] Aladdin! You've just won the heart of The Princess. What are you gonna do next?
Psst, your line is "I'm going to free the genie." Anytime.
Genie, I can't.
Sure ya can. You just go, [grabs Aladdin’s head and uses him as a mock ventriloquist's dummy] "Genie, I wish you free."
I'm serious! Look, I'm sorry-- I really am. But they wanna make me Sultan-- no, they wanna make Prince Ali sultan. Without you, I'm just Aladdin.
Al, you've won!
Because of you! The only reason anyone thinks I'm worth anything is because of you. What if they find out I'm not really a prince? What do you bet Jasmine finds out? I'd lose her. Genie, I-I can't keep this up on my own. I... I can't wish you free.
Fine. I understand. After all, you've lied to everyone else. Hey, I was just beginning to feel left out. Now, if you'll excuse me, "Master". [vanishes into his lamp]
Genie, I'm really sorry. [a tongue comes out of the spout and blows raspberry at him, he angrily covers it with a pillow] Well, fine! Then just... stay in there! [sees Abu and Carpet looking at him, bitterly but still angry] What are you guys lookin' at? [Abu and Carpet sadly starts leaving] Look, I... I-I'm sor... Abu, I'm sorry. I didn't... Wait. Come on. [sighs] What am I doing? Genie's right--I gotta tell Jasmine the truth.
Ali, oh Ali--will you come here?
Well, here goes. [walks into the garden] Jasmine? Where are you?
Iago
Out in the menagerie, hurry.
I'm coming.
Iago
Ya got a problem, pinky? [he sweeps the bird's legs from under it] Jerk. [Iago rushes into the palace and finds the lamp under the pillow] Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you! Excellent! [stretches his face and imitating Jafar's voice] Excellent work, Iago! [normal voice] Ah, go on. [Jafar's voice] No, really--on a scale of one to ten, you are an eleven! [normal voice] Ah, Jafar--you're too kind. I'm embarrassed, I'm blushing.
Sultan
People of Agrabah, my daughter has finally chosen a suitor!
Jasmine?
Ali, where have you been?
Jasmine, there's something I've got to tell you.
The whole kingdom has turned out for father's announcement!
No. But Jasmine, listen to me, please! You don't understand...
Good luck!
Sultan
...Ali Ababwa!
Oh, boy!
Iago
Look at them, cheering that little pipsqueak.
Jafar
Let them cheer. [rubs the lamp]
Ya know, Al, I'm getting really-- [sees Jafar and cringes] I don't think you're him. [reads the script] Tonight, the part of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man.
Jafar
I am your master now!
I was afraid of that.
Jafar
Genie, grant me my first wish! I wish to rule on high AS SULTAN!
[Outside where dark clouds circle the palace like Dark Cloud. The palace earthshakes. The roof rips off and The Sultan and Aladdin duck.
Whoa!
Sultan
Bless my soul. What is this? What's going on? Oh, my goodness, what's happening?
Father.
Sultan
Jafar, you vile betrayer.
Iago
That's Sultan Vile Betrayer to you.
Oh, yeah? Well, we'll just see about that! [pulls off his own turban, but finds it empty] The lamp!
Jafar
Finders-keepers, Abooboo.
Genie! No!
Sorry, kid--I got a new master now.
Sultan
Jafar, I order you to stop!
Jafar
Ah, but there's a new order now--my order! Finally, you will bow to me!
We'll never bow to you!
Iago
Why am I not surprised?
Jafar
If you will not bow before a sultan, then you will cower before a sorcerer! [to Genie] Genie, my second wish--I wish to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world!
Iago
Ladies and gentlemen, a warm Agrabah welcome for Sorcerer Jafar!
Jafar
Now where were we? Ah, yes--abject humiliation!
Jafar
Down, boy! Oh, Princess. [lifts her chin with his staff] There's someone I'm dying to introduce you to.
Jafar! Get your hands off her!
Jafar
Prince Ali / Yes, it is he / But not as you know him / Read my lips / And come to grips / With reality / Yes, meet a blast from your past / Whose lies were too good to last / Say hello to your precious Prince Ali.
Iago
Or should we say Aladdin?
Ali?
Jasmine, I tried to tell you.
Jafar
So Ali / Turns out to be / Merely Aladdin / Just a con / Need I go on? / Take it from me / His personality flaws / Give me adequate cause / To send him packing on a one-way trip / So his prospects take a terminal dip / His assets frozen / The venue chosen / It's the ends of the earth, whoopee / So long...
Iago
Goodbye, see ya!
Jafar
...ex-Prince Ali... [laughs]
Abu? [echoing] ABUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! [He turns back to the shivering pile of snow] Oh, this is all my fault. I-I should have freed The Genie when I had the chance!
Abu, are you okay?
Abu
Mmm-hmm.
I'm sorry, Abu-- I made a mess of everything, somehow. I gotta go back and set things right.
Carpet!
Abu, start digging! That's it!
Yeah! All right!
Now, back to Agrabah! Let's go!
Iago
Puppet ruler want a cracker? Here's your cracker. Shove 'em all the way down your throat. Here, have lots!
Stop it! Jafar, leave him alone!
Jafar
It pains me to see you reduced to this, Jasmine. [he takes a bite out of the apple she is holding] A beautiful desert bloom such as yourself should be on the arm of the most powerful man in the world. [he waves his finger and a crown appears] What do you say, my dear? Why, with you as my Queen...
Never!
Jafar
I'll teach you some respect! [she falls back as he raises his hand to slap her, then he stops] No. Genie, I have decided to make my final wish. I wish for Princess Jasmine to fall desperately in love with me.
Ah, master, there are a few addendas, some quid pro quos...
Jafar
Don't talk back to me, you big blue lout!
Jafar
You will do what I order you to do, slave!
Jafar! I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.
Jafar
Mmm. That's better. [pulls the Genie's jaw up like a shade] Now, pussycat, tell me more about... myself.
You're tall, dark, well dressed...
Al! Al, little buddy!
Shh!
Al, I can't help you--I work for Señor Psychopath, now. [his head turns into Jafar's, then back] What are you gonna do?
Hey-- I'm a street rat, remember? [he rezips Genie's mouth] I'll improvise.
Cute little gaps between your teeth.
Jafar
Go on.
And your beard...is so...twisted! You've stolen my heart.
Iago
Jaf--mmmmmm!
Jafar
And the Street Rat?
What street rat?
Abu
Yecch!
Jafar
That was... [sees Aladdin's reflection in Jasmine's crown] YOU! [He zaps Aladdin just as he is about to reach his respective lamp. Genie watches in shock] How many times do I have to kill you, boy?
Get the lamp!
Jafar
No! [Jasmine runs to do so, but Jafar shakes off Aladdin, but evilly zaps her into an hourglass] Ah, ah, ah, Princess. Your time is up!
Jasmine?
Iago
Oh, nice shot, Jaf–
Jafar
Don't toy with me!
Abu!
Jafar
Things are unraveling fast now, boy! [Carpet unravels in midair, ending up as a pile of tangled threads and tassels. The lamp bounces away and lands in front of Aladdin] Get the point? [Aladdin runs for the lamp, but his path is blocked by a ring of large swords sticking in the floor. Aladdin reaches for his lamp, but the opening is too narrow for him to get far enough, and Jafar evilly grabs it] I'm just getting warmed up! [evilly breathes fire around Aladdin, setting the ring on fire. The Street Rat, however, yet stands his ground]
ARE YOU AFRAID TO FIGHT ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARDLY SNAKE?!
Jafar
A snake, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how snake-like I can be!
Rickem, rockem, rackem, rake--stick that sword into that snake!
Jafar
You stay out of this-s-s-s!
Jafar, Jafar, he's our man--if he can't do it, GREAT!!!
Aladdin!
[Aladdin turns to see Jasmine already knee-deep in sand. He bravely jumps on a large gem and heroically slides across the floor, bravely grabbing his sword along the road. He turns a corner, but the pursuing snake cannot, and the front half of Jafar smashes through a wall and hangs outside the palace. Aladdin bravely jumps up on the snake's back and heroically stabs him hard. Jafar shrieks in agony. Cut to Aladdin, who is once again trying to free Jasmine. At this point, she is now neck-deep in sand, and sinking fast]
Jasmine, hang on!
Jafar
You little fool! You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth?
Iago
Squeeze him, Jafar! Squeeze him like a--awk! [Genie elbows him out of the road, all the while trying to look innocent]
Jafar
Without the Genie, boy, you're nothing! [Aladdin suddenly glances down at Genie, who shrugs his shoulders, not knowing what to do either]
The Genie? [has an idea] The Genie! THE GENIE HAS MORE POWER THAN YOU'LL EVER HAVE!
Jafar
What?!
HE GAVE YOU YOUR POWER! HE CAN TAKE IT AWAY!
Al, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?
FACE IT, JAFAR, YOU'RE STILL JUST...SECOND-BEST! [Jafar thinks for a moment, and realizes Aladdin's right. Genie's "phenomenal cosmic powers" far surpass his, meaning that he yet can't call himself the most powerful being as he thought]
Jafar
You're right, his power does exceed my own. But not for long! [Jafar circles around the Genie, aiming to rectify the power discrepancy between him]
The boy's crazy. He's a little punch-drunk. [turns his hand into a cobra puppet and beats himself with it] One too many hits with the snake.
Jafar
Slave, I make my third wish!! I wish to be an all-powerful Genie! [Aladdin looks down at Genie from Jafar's coils, and Jasmine, who is now almost buried in sand, looks toward her captor as well. Then Genie sighs in defeat, knowing he has no choice but to comply with Jafar's request]
Alright, your wish is my command. Way to go, Al.
Jafar
Yes! Yes! The power! The absolute power!
What have you done?!
Trust me!
Jafar
The universe is mine to command, to control!
NOT SO FAST, JAFAR! AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?
Jafar
Huh?
YOU WANTED TO BE A GENIE, YOU'VE GOT IT!
Jafar
WHAT?!
AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES WITH IT!
Jafar
NO! NO!!
Iago
I'm gettin' outta here!
Phenomenal cosmic powers!
Jafar
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Iago
Come on, you're the genie, I don't want--
Itty-bitty living space.
Al, you little genius, you!
[As a result of being trapped in his lamp, all of Jafar's magic undoes itself. First, Abu turns back into a real monkey and Carpet re-ravels himself. Next, Jasmine, The Sultan and Rajah stand together, and the tiger jumps up into The Sultan's arms. Just then, they are all transformed back into their regular clothes, and Rajah, now an adult tiger again, almost crushes him. Eventually, the palace reappears back in the ciy from where it was taken. Aladdin holds Jafar's lamp as he and Iago start arguing]
Jafar
Get your blasted beak out of my face!
Iago
Oh, shut up, you moron!
Jafar
Don't tell me to shut up!
Allow me. Ten thousand years in the Cave of Wonders oughtta chill him out. [flicks the lamp explosion into the desert]
Jafar
Shut UP!
[Jafar and Iago continue to argue as they fade out]
