Abu Uh-oh!
You have touched the forbidden treasure!
[Abu sheepishly tries to put the ruby back in the idol's palm, but the idol melts away]
Now you will never again see the light of DAY!!!
Played by Frank Welker 
Aladdin (1992) · 67 quotes
Aladdin (1992) · 67 quotes
6th most-quoted character in Aladdin (1992): in 10 of its 67 quotes
Most scenes with: Aladdin (10), Jafar (4), Princess Jasmine (4)
Scenes with Abu
10 scenes Abu [The next day, on a rooftop, where Aladdin rushes up to the edge, carrying a loaf of bread. He skids to a stop at the edge of the building]
Stop, thief!
[Aladdin looks back at Razoul, a young man head, muscular handsome guard, tan turban, red and white yellow uniform shirt, tan pants and dark yellow shoes, he's the guards scramble toward him] [first words]
I'll have your hands for a trophy, Street Rat.
[looks back, then down, then at the bread]
All this for a loaf of bread?
[Aladdin leaps off the roof, landing on two ropes strung between buildings, with drying clothes on them. He skies down them, collecting bits and pieces of clothing on him as he goes. Finally, he's nearing the end of the rope, at a window, when a woman reaches out and the shutters closed shut. Aladdin slams into the shutters and falls to the street, his fall being broken by numerous awnings and the pile of clothes around him. He pulls off the top layer of clothes and is about to enjoy his bread when]
Guard #1
There he is!
Guard #2
You won't get away so easy!
You think that was easy? [looks at ladies laughing and looks at Razoul and his guards]
You two, over that way. And you, with me. We found him.
Morning, ladies.
Woman
Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we Aladdin?
Trouble? No way, man. You're only in trouble if you get caught...
I'm in trouble.
...and this time. [Abu pulls down his turban]
Perfect timing, Abu. As usual.
Abu Hello!
Come on, let's get outta here! [singing] Gotta keep one jump ahead of the breadline / One swing ahead of the sword / I steal only what I can't afford...| [speaking] That's everything! [singing] One jump ahead of the lawmen / That's all, and that's no joke / These guys don't appreciate I'm broke.
Guard #1
Riffraff!
Guard #2 and #3
Street Rat!
Guard #4
Scoundrel!
Guard #5
Take that!
Guards
Rip him open, take it back, guys.
Girls
Who?| [singing] Oh, it's sad, Aladdin's hit the bottom / He's become a one-man rise in crime.
Portly Agrabah Woman
I'd blame parents, except he hasn't got 'em.
[singing]
Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat / Tell you all about it when I got the time / One jump ahead of the slowpokes / One skip ahead of my doom / Next time, gonna use a nom de plume.
There he is.
[singing]
One jump ahead of the hitmen / One hit ahead of the flock / I think I'll take a stroll around the block.
[A man sleeping on a bed of nails, of course one extremely large guard jumps on him]
Stop, thief!
Man
Vandal!
Abu!
Woman
Scandal!
Fat Lady
Still, I think he's rather tasty.
Guards
Wrong!
Get him!
[The guards chase Aladdin and Abu run across a flaming pit, followed by guards who hop up and down, screaming in pain as they cross the rocks. Aladdin and Abu pass a sword swallower, then Abu goes back, pulls the sword out of the swallower's mouth]
He's got a sword!
We've all got swords!
Guards
Vandal!
Guards
Street Rat!
Guards
Scoundrel!
Guards
Riffraff!
[singing]
Here goes, better throw my hand in / Wish me happy landin' / All I gotta do is jump!
Guards
[The guards fall down and land in a street]
Yuck! Oy!
[Aladdin uses the carpet as a parachute and landing, Aladdin and Abu high-five each other]
And now, esteemed effendi, we feast! All right!
Abu [Aladdin breaks the bread in two and gives half to Abu, who begins to eat. But Aladdin looks over and sees two young children rummaging through the garbage for food. The girl sees him, then drops her find and tries to hide. Aladdin looks at them, then the bread, then at Abu]
Uh-oh!
[Abu takes a big bite of his food, but Aladdin gets up and walks over to the children. The girl pulls her brother back]
Here, go on...take it.
Abu [The children giggle with delight. Abu tries to swallow his bite, then looks guilty. He walks over to the children and offers his bread to them. In delight, they pet him on the head]
Ah, don't. Huh?
Villager #1
[Abu sees Aladdin walking into the daylight, where there is a parade going on. Aladdin peers over the shoulders of the villagers before see Prince Achmed rides on a horse]
On his way to the palace, I suppose.
Villager #2
Another suitor for the princess.
[Aladdin is startled as the two children come running out from the alley. The boy runs out in front of Achmed's horse neighs] [first words]
Out of my way, you filthy brat! [ropes whip]
Hey, if I were as rich as you, I could afford some manners.
[He slaps Aladdin falls down on his mud and the citizens laugh]
Look at that, Abu. It's not every day you see a horse with two rear ends!
[Achmed stops and turns back to Aladdin]
You are a worthless street rat. You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you.
[Aladdin angrily rushes Achmed, but slam the doors to the palace shut on his face]
I'm not worthless. And I don't have fleas. Come on, Abu. Let's go home. [singing] Riffraff, street rat / I don't buy that / If only they'd look closer / Would they see a poor boy? / No siree / They'd find out, there's so much more to me. [speaking] Someday, Abu. Things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all.
[In the midnight, in a gardens, a shadowy figure walks through. We see it is Jasmine in disguise. She reaches the palace wall, then begins to climb it. She is tugged from behind by Rajah]
Oh, I'm so sorry, Rajah. But I can't stay here and have my life lived for me. I'll miss you. Goodbye!
[She disappears over the wall. The next morning, in the street Aladdin and Abu are up to their capers again. They are on top of the awning of a fruit stand]
Okay, Abu, go!
Fruit Merchant
[Abu dips over the edge and looks at the merchant] [to passing crowd]
Try this, your taste buds will dance and sing. [Abu grabs a melon and hangs there, distracting his attention] Hey, get your paws off that.
Abu Blah blah blah!
Fruit Merchant
Why, you! Get away from here, you filthy ape!
Abu [The merchant grabs the melon away from Abu. But in the foreground, Aladdin dips down and snatches another melon from the stand]
Bye-bye!
[He zings back up. The merchant takes the melon to the front, where he places it on top of a stack. He looks confused, like he has just done this]
Nice going, Abu, breakfast is served.
Pot Merchant
[Aladdin and Abu on the roof break open the melon and eat. We see Jasmine walking through the street]
Pretty lady buy a pot, no finer pot in brass or silver.
Nut Merchant
Sugar dates, sugar dates and figs! Sugar dates and pistachios!
Necklace Merchant
Would the lady like a necklace, a pretty necklace for a pretty lady.
Fish Merchant
[She is charmed by the action, but is startled by a fish thrust into her face]
Fresh fish! We catch him you buy him!
I don't think so.
[Jasmine backs away, but bumps into a fire eater, who is startled into swallowing his fire]
Excuse me.
[Man gulps, then belches fire from his mouth. Jasmine is disgusted. He is pleased and taps his stomach. Aladdin sees her, and a strange look comes over his face]
I'm really very sorry.
Abu [Jasmine pulls the hood of her cloak over her head. Abu sees him and jumps up on his shoulder, waving his hand in front of Aladdin's face]
Uh-oh, hello? Hello?
[Princess Jasmine stops at Farouk's fruit stand and sees a young boy reaching for fruit; she picks up an apple and hands it to him]
You must be hungry. Here you go. [the boy runs off]
Farouk
[first words]
You'd better be able to pay for that.
Farouk
No one steals from my cart.
I'm so sorry, sir. I don't have any money.
Farouk
Thief!
Please. If you let me go to the palace, I can get some from The Sultan.
Farouk
Do you know what the penalty is for stealing?!
[He grabs her hand and pins it down on the table, then raises his sword]
No! No, please!
[Aladdin stops Farouk]
Thank you, kind sir. I'm so glad you found her. [to Princess Jasmine] I've been looking for you.
Farouk
You know this girl?
Sadly, yes. She is my sister. She's a little crazy. [Aladdin twirls his finger around his ear; Jasmine scoffs in disbelief]
Farouk
She said she knew The Sultan.
She thinks The Monkey is The Sultan.
[Princess Jasmine, playing along, kneels and bows to Abu]
Oh, wise Sultan, how may I serve you?
Abu Well,... [babbles royally]
Tragic, isn't it? [leans forward, picking up another apple from the cart and hands it to Farouk as repayment] But no harm done. [walks over to Princess Jasmine] Now, come along, sis. Time to go see the doctor.
No, no, no, not that one. [to Abu, whose pockets are bulging] Come on, Sultan.
Farouk
[Abu bows to the crowd until nearly everything he picked up falls out] [last words]
Huh? What is it? [Abu picks up what he can carry, and the trio run off] Come back here, you little thieves!
[Finally, in the palace with Aladdin climbs up of the ladder, followed by Jasmine]
Almost there.
[Jasmine climbs over a wall, but trips and falls into Aladdin's arms and stands up]
I want to thank you for stopping that man.
Ah, forget about it. [he grabs a pole] So, uh, this is your first time in the Marketplace? [gasps]
[Aladdin pole vaults to the next building, leaves Jasmine behind]
Is it that obvious?
Well, you do kind of stand out. [Aladdin stares at Jasmine. Jasmine returns the look. But Aladdin realises what he's doing, and returns to normal] I mean, eh, you don't seem to know how dangerous Agrabah can be.
[Aladdin lays a plank between the buildings for her to walk over, but as Aladdin is leaned down, she vaults over his head. Aladdin looks back in surprise. Jasmine tosses the pole to him. Both Aladdin's and Abu's eyes bulge]
I'm a fast learner.
Hey. Come on, this way.
[They go inside the roof of a building, dodges planks and beams as they go]
Whoa. Watch your head there. Be careful.
Is this where you live?
Yep. Just me and Abu. Come and get as we please.
Fabulous.
Well, it's not much, [pulls back the curtain and exposes the palace] but it's got a great view. Palace looks pretty amazing, huh?
Oh, that's wonderful.
I wonder what it would be like to live there, to have servants and valets...
Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress.
That's better than here. Always scraping for food and ducking the guards.
You're not free to make your own choices.
Sometimes you feel so...
You're just...
Aladdin and Princess Jasmine
...trapped.
[They look at each other, realizing that they're perfect for one another. But Aladdin then realizes where he is, and breaks the look. Aladdin takes the apple out of Abu's hand and rolls it down his arm into the hand of Jasmine]
So, where are you from?
What does it matter? I ran away, and I'm not going back.
Really?
Abu [Aladdin takes a bite from the apple on his hand with Abu looks on his face]
Why you!
[Aladdin walks over and sits next to Jasmine]
My father's forcing me to get married.
That's, that's awful. [Abu appears from behind the princess and tries to steal the apple] Abu!
Abu says it's, uh, it's not fair.
Abu What?
Oh, did he?
Yeah, of course.
And does Abu have anything else to say?
Well, he wishes there was something he can do to help.
Abu Oh, boy.
Hmm. Tell him that's very sweet.
[Aladdin and Jasmine gets closer and kiss her before Razoul and the guards cross towards them]
Here you are.
Aladdin and Princess Jasmine
They've found me! [beat] They're after you?
My father must have sent them...
Do you trust me?
What?
Do you trust me?
Yes.
Then, jump!
[Aladdin and Jasmine leap off the roof, fall down and run before blocked by Razoul]
We just keep running into each other, don't we, Street Rat?
Run. Go, get out of here.
[Again, Razoul's turban is pulled down by Abu, but more guards are here and block the exit. Razoul pulls Abu off his head and throws him in a vase. Three other guards grab Aladdin]
It's the dungeon for you, boy.
Hey, get off of me!
Let him go.
Looky here, men, a street mouse.
Unhand him, by order of The Princess.
The Princess?
Abu The Princess?
What are you doing outside the palace? And with this street rat?
That's not your concern. Do as I command. Release him!
[last words]
Well, I would, Princess, unless my orders come from Jafar. You will have to take it up with him.
[Inside the dungeon, rats scurry across the gloomy walls, in and out of shafts of moonlight shining through a high, barred window. We see Aladdin chained to the wall] [to himself]
She was the Princess. I don't believe it. I must have sounded so stupid to her.
Abu [from a distance]
Yoo-hoo! Aladdin? Hello!
[We hear chitters, scampers down before Aladdin pulls on his arm irons]
Hey, come on. Help me outta these.
[Abu stops, then begins chattering wildly, dropping to the ground. He wraps a cloth around his head and makes his eyes big in an imitates of the Princess]
Hey, she was in trouble. Ah, she was worth it.
Abu [Abu jumps up on Aladdin's shoulders and pulls a small set of tools out of his pocket, then frees Aladdin]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't worry, Abu, I'll never see her again. I'm a street rat, remember, and there's a law. She's gotta marry a prince, she deserves it.
Abu [Abu finally frees Aladdin's hands]
Ta da!
I'm a fool.
A lowly prisoner like yourself. But together perhaps we can be more.
I'm listening.
There is a cave, boy, the Cave of Wonders, filled with treasures beyond your wildest dreams.
Jafar, can ya hurry it up? I'm dying in here!
But the law says that only a prince can marry...
Haven't you heard of the Golden Rule, haven't you boy? Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
So why will you share all of that wonderful treasure with me?
I need a young pair of legs and a strong back to go in after it.
Uh, one problem. It's out there, we're in here?
[Jafar walks to a wall and pushes open a hidden exit]
Mmm, mmm, mmm. Things aren't always what they seem. So do we have a deal?
Abu [Aladdin looks at Abu, who shrugs his shoulders]
Hmm?
[In the desert scene, we see Aladdin leading a horse with Jafar and Abu on it, in the Cave of Wonders location]
Who disturbs my slumber?
Uh, it is I, Aladdin.
[The cave opens up with a roar, and a staircase appears in front of Aladdin]
Remember, boy, first fetch me the lamp. And then you shall have your reward.
Come on, Abu. [to Abu hiding under the shoulder of his vest]
[Aladdin begins to descend the staircase. He reaches the bottom and enters a golden chamber filled with treasure]
Will you look at that!
Abu Uh-oh!
Just a handful of this stuff would make me richer than the Sultan.
[Abu stops in mid run, hovering over a rug on the floor]
Don't touch anything! We gotta find that lamp.
Abu [They begin to make their way through the room when the Carpet rises off the floor and begins following them. Abu gets the feeling they're being followed]
Huh?
Abu [He turns, and the Carpet lies flat on the floor. He continues, and the Carpet begins to follow again. Again, Abu turns back, but the Carpet is rolled up and leaning against a pile of treasure. Abu runs to Aladdin and tugs his pant leg]
Aladdin! Aladdin!
Abu, will you knock it off?
[Again the Carpet follows, but this time, when Abu turns, the carpet jumps to the other side. It reaches down with a tassel and pulls Abu's tail. When Abu jumps around, Carpet again goes to the other side. This time, Abu lands in a karate stance. Carpet reaches down and plucks Abu's hat off, then puts it on himself. Abu sits thinking for a second, until Carpet waves a tassel in front of his face. Abu and Carpet both jump scared, and run away. Abu tackles Aladdin and turns his head to look at the Carpet]
Abu, what are you, crazy?
[The Carpet peeks out from behind a pile of treasure]
The Magic Carpet. Come on, come on out, I'm not gonna hurt you. Hey, take it easy, Abu, he's not gonna bite.
[Abu shakes his fist and screeching. Carpet begins to walk away, "sadly"]
Hey, wait a minute. Don't go. Maybe you can help us.
[Carpet looks back, excited. It then flies over and wraps around the pair]
Hey, whoa! You see, we're trying to find this lamp.
Abu [Inside the cave, Aladdin sleeps groggily on the Carpet and Abu tries]
Oh, oh. Aladdin? Wake up. Aladdin.
[groans]
Oh, my head. [looks at a solid cavern] We're trapped. That two faced son-of-a-jackal! Whoever he was, he's long gone with that lamp.
Abu Aha! [pulls out the lamp]
Why, you hairy little thief! It looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of junk. Hey, I think there's something written here, but it's hard to make out.
[Aladdin rubs the lamp with his sleeve, it glows slightly and the lamp begins to shake and glow, but Aladdin holds onto the lamp, towering above Aladdin is the gigantic Genie comes out of the lamp. He is a hip, hyper, mercurial Robin Williams type, full of exuberance] [screaming]
OY! 10,000 years will give ya such a crick in the neck! Hang on a second! Whoa! Does it feel good to be outta there! Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where ya from? What's your name?
Uh, Al, Aladdin.
Aladdin! Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you Al? Or maybe just Din? Or how about Laddie? Sounds like here, boy! [whistles] Come on, Laddie!
Do you smoke? Mind if I do? Oh, sorry, Cheeta, I hope I didn't singe the fur!
[Abu is comically scared before the Carpet laughs] [noticed the Carpet]
Hey, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia! Give me some tassel! [to Aladdin] Yo yo! Yeah! Say, you're a lot smaller than my last master. Either that or I'm getting bigger. Look at me from the side, do I look different to you?
Wait a minute! I'm your master?
That's right! He can be taught!! What would you wish of me, [assumes a muscular physique and a deep Arnold Schwarzenegger-esque accent] the ever-impressive, [appears in a Phantom Zone-esque stretchy bubble] the long-contained, [creates a ventriloquist's dummy in his likeness, affecting a Señor Wences-esque high-pitched voice] often imitated, [creates multiple copies of himself] but never duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated... Genie Of The Lamp! [turns into a caricature of Ed Sullivan as the copies applaud] Right here, direct from the lamp, right here for your very much wish fulfillment. Thank you!
Three wishes to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. That's it, three. [affects a Groucho Marx impression] Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges or refunds.
[music for "Friend Like Me" begins]
Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here! So why don't you just ruminate, whilst I illuminate the possibilities. [singing] Well Ali Baba had them forty thieves / Scheherezade had a thousand tales / But master you in luck 'cause up your sleeves / You got a brand of magic never fails / You got some power in your corner now / Some heavy ammunition in your camp / You got some punch, pizzazz, yahoo and how / See all you gotta do is rub that lamp / And I'll say...| Mister Aladdin, sir / What will your pleasure be? / Let me take your order / Jot it down / You ain't never had a friend like me...| Life is your restaurant / And I'm your maître d' / C'mon whisper what it is you want / You ain't never had a friend like me...| Yes sir, we pride ourselves on service / You're the boss / The king, the shah / Say what you wish / It's yours, true dish / How about a little more Baklava?| Have some of column A / Try all of column B / I'm in the mood to help you dude / You ain't never had a friend like me...| Can your friends do this? / Do your friends do that? / Do your friends pull this out their little hat? / Can your friends go poof? / Well, looky here / Can your friends go, Abracadabra, let 'er rip / And then make the sucker disappear?| So dontcha sit there slack-jawed, buggy-eyed / I'm here to answer all your midnight prayers / You got me bona fide, certified / You got a genie for your charge d'affaires / I got a powerful urge to help you out / So what-cha wish? / I really want to know / You got a list that's three miles long, no doubt / Well, all you gotta do is rub like so - and oh...| Mister Aladdin, sir, have a wish or two or three / I'm on the job, you big nabob / You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend / You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend / You ain't never had a friend like me / You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!| [song fades]
[Back at the cave is empty again, save for Aladdin, Abu, the Carpet and the Genie, who now has a glowing neon "Applause" sign above his head]
So what'll it be, Master?
You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want?
[affecting a William F. Buckley accent]
Ah, almost. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos.
Like?
Ah, first rule: I can't kill anybody. [slices his head off with his finger] So don't ask. Second rule: I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone else. [Genie's head turns into a big pair of lips which kiss Aladdin] You little punim, there. [lies flat, then gets up and transforms into a zombie affecting a Peter Lorre accent] Third rule: I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. [grabs Aladdin and shakes him] I DON'T LIKE DOING IT! [poofs back to normal] Other than that, you got it!
Ah, provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? [to Abu] Some all powerful genie. Can't even bring people back from the dead. I don't know, Abu. He probably can't even get us out of this cave. Looks like we're gonna have to find a way out of here.
[stomps his foot in front of them, affects a Travis Bickle-esque Brooklyn accent, angrily and lost patience]
Excuse me? Are you lookin' at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden, you're walkin' out on me?! I don't think so! NOT right now! YOU'RE GETTIN' YOUR WISHES, SO SIT DOWN!! [Aladdin and Abu sit on the carpet; Genie joins them and turns into a stewardess] In case of emergency, the exits are here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, anywhere! Keep your hands and arms inside the Carpet! WEEEEEEEEEEEE'RE... [they pop out of the cave and soar into the distance] ...OUTTA HERE!
[Outside the palace, Aladdin is looking at the gardens] [to himself]
Sultan? You want me to be "sultan"?
[comes out of his lamp]
Huzzah! Hail the conquerin' hero! [He turns into a one-man band. He sees Aladdin walk away with his head hung. He stops, scratches his head, comes up with an idea, then zooms over to Aladdin. He holds up his hands like a director scoping a picture and we look through them.] Aladdin! You've just won the heart of The Princess. What are you gonna do next?
[Aladdin sadly walks to the bed. He goes to him and pulls out a script]
Psst, your line is "I'm going to free the genie." Anytime.
Genie, I can't.
Sure ya can. You just go, [grabs Aladdin’s head and uses him as a mock ventriloquist's dummy] "Genie, I wish you free."
[pulls him away]
I'm serious! Look, I'm sorry-- I really am. But they wanna make me Sultan-- no, they wanna make Prince Ali sultan. Without you, I'm just Aladdin.
Al, you've won!
Because of you! The only reason anyone thinks I'm worth anything is because of you. What if they find out I'm not really a prince? What do you bet Jasmine finds out? I'd lose her. Genie, I-I can't keep this up on my own. I... I can't wish you free.
[obviously hurt]
Fine. I understand. After all, you've lied to everyone else. Hey, I was just beginning to feel left out. Now, if you'll excuse me, "Master". [vanishes into his lamp]
[picks up his lamp]
Genie, I'm really sorry. [a tongue comes out of the spout and blows raspberry at him, he angrily covers it with a pillow] Well, fine! Then just... stay in there! [sees Abu and Carpet looking at him, bitterly but still angry] What are you guys lookin' at? [Abu and Carpet sadly starts leaving] Look, I... I-I'm sor... Abu, I'm sorry. I didn't... Wait. Come on. [sighs] What am I doing? Genie's right--I gotta tell Jasmine the truth.
[We see Iago wearing a beak and standing in stilts next of a flamingo in the pond. He is imitating Jasmine's voice]
Out in the menagerie, hurry.
I'm coming.
[We see Aladdin hurry past, not noticing the birds. Iago laughs, then turns back and looks into the face of a flamingo, who is panting and sighs]
Ya got a problem, pinky? [he sweeps the bird's legs from under it] Jerk. [Iago rushes into the palace and finds the lamp under the pillow] Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you! Excellent! [stretches his face and imitating Jafar's voice] Excellent work, Iago! [normal voice] Ah, go on. [Jafar's voice] No, really--on a scale of one to ten, you are an eleven! [normal voice] Ah, Jafar--you're too kind. I'm embarrassed, I'm blushing.
[Iago flies away with the lamp] [Outside the palace entrance, The Sultan is standing on top, gates open, throngs of people cheering]
People of Agrabah, my daughter has finally chosen a suitor!
[She behind the curtain, where Jasmine is peeking. Aladdin appears at the bottom of the stairs]
Jasmine?
Ali, where have you been?
Jasmine, there's something I've got to tell you.
The whole kingdom has turned out for father's announcement!
No. But Jasmine, listen to me, please! You don't understand...
Good luck!
Oh, boy!
[Jafar and Iago are watching The Sultan's coronation.]
Look at them, cheering that little pipsqueak.
Let them cheer. [rubs the lamp]
[comes out of the lamp, annoyed]
Ya know, Al, I'm getting really-- [sees Jafar and cringes] I don't think you're him. [reads the script] Tonight, the part of Al will be played by a tall, dark and sinister ugly man.
[offended by the last remark, Jafar grabs Genie and pins him under his foot]
I am your master now!
I was afraid of that.
Genie, grant me my first wish! I wish to rule on high AS SULTAN!
[Outside where dark clouds circle the palace like Dark Cloud. The palace earthshakes. The roof rips off and The Sultan and Aladdin duck.
Whoa!
Bless my soul. What is this? What's going on? Oh, my goodness, what's happening?
[His turban lifts off his head. When The Sultan grabs it, his whole body flies up, then is stripped of all his clothing except his underwear. The clothes reappears in Jafar]
Father.
That's Sultan Vile Betrayer to you.
Oh, yeah? Well, we'll just see about that! [pulls off his own turban, but finds it empty] The lamp!
Finders-keepers, Abooboo.
[They both look up and see a gigantic Genie lift the palace into the thunder cackling. Aladdin gasps. The Genie destroys the palace. Aladdin whistles and Carpet flies up to greet him. The villagers run and scream. They fly up near the Genie's head]
Genie! No!
Sorry, kid--I got a new master now.
Ah, but there's a new order now--my order! Finally, you will bow to me!
Why am I not surprised?
If you will not bow before a sultan, then you will cower before a sorcerer! [to Genie] Genie, my second wish--I wish to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world!
[Genie extends his finger. Aladdin tries to stop him, but he cannot, and another Genie (tm) brand lightning bolt strikes Jafar, returning him to his normal look]
Ladies and gentlemen, a warm Agrabah welcome for Sorcerer Jafar!
Now where were we? Ah, yes--abject humiliation!
[Jafar zaps Jasmine and The Sultan with his staff, and they both bow to him. Rajah comes running at him. He zaps Rajah, and the tiger turns into a kitty-cat]
Down, boy! Oh, Princess. [lifts her chin with his staff] There's someone I'm dying to introduce you to.
[Jafar zaps Aladdin. Carpet flies away] [singing]
Prince Ali / Yes, it is he / But not as you know him / Read my lips / And come to grips / With reality / Yes, meet a blast from your past / Whose lies were too good to last / Say hello to your precious Prince Ali.
Or should we say Aladdin?
Ali?
Jasmine, I tried to tell you.
[singing]
So Ali / Turns out to be / Merely Aladdin / Just a con / Need I go on? / Take it from me / His personality flaws / Give me adequate cause / To send him packing on a one-way trip / So his prospects take a terminal dip / His assets frozen / The venue chosen / It's the ends of the earth, whoopee / So long...
Goodbye, see ya!
[Jafar has zapped Abu back to normal. He sends the two of them into a tall pillar, then launches it like a rocket, but not before Carpet can get in. Fade to black, then open on to a snowy wasteland, where the pillar crashes and rolls. It finally comes to a stop. Aladdin emerges, obviously very cold]
Abu? [echoing] ABUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! [He turns back to the shivering pile of snow] Oh, this is all my fault. I-I should have freed The Genie when I had the chance!
Abu Mmm-hmm.
I'm sorry, Abu-- I made a mess of everything, somehow. I gotta go back and set things right.
[Aladdin looks up and sees Carpet is pinned by the pillar. Aladdin tugs to try and free Carpet. He can't do it, so he begins to remove snow from the base of the pillar]
Abu, start digging! That's it!
[Finally, enough snow has been removed, and the pillar begins to roll. Aladdin runs away, looks back, then slides into place. The pillar rolls over him, and when it is gone, Aladdin and Abu are left sitting in the patch of snow made by the window of the pillar]
Yeah! All right!
[Aladdin looks up at his turban, made out of scared Abu. Carpet shakes off the snow and runs over to pick them up]
Now, back to Agrabah! Let's go!
[Outside the Agrabah, shrouded in red clouds. Inside the throne room, Iago has The Sultan, dressed in jester's clothes, and Jasmine is chained next to the throne]
Puppet ruler want a cracker? Here's your cracker. Shove 'em all the way down your throat. Here, have lots!
[Jafar pulls the chain, and Jasmine walks up to him holding an apple]
Stop it! Jafar, leave him alone!
[Iago stops for a second, then continues]
It pains me to see you reduced to this, Jasmine. [he takes a bite out of the apple she is holding] A beautiful desert bloom such as yourself should be on the arm of the most powerful man in the world. [he waves his finger and a crown appears] What do you say, my dear? Why, with you as my Queen...
I'll teach you some respect! [she falls back as he raises his hand to slap her, then he stops] No. Genie, I have decided to make my final wish. I wish for Princess Jasmine to fall desperately in love with me.
[We see Aladdin race back into town] [again as Buckley]
Ah, master, there are a few addendas, some quid pro quos...
[Jasmine looks up and sees Aladdin, peering around a window, Abu and the Carpet at his play along]
You will do what I order you to do, slave!
[stands and puts the crown on her head]
Jafar! I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.
[The Genie's jaw drops]
Mmm. That's better. [pulls the Genie's jaw up like a shade] Now, pussycat, tell me more about... myself.
You're tall, dark, well dressed...
[Jafar walks over to her. Aladdin jumps down with Abu and Genie sees them]
Al! Al, little buddy!
Shh!
[literally zips his mouth shut, then unzips it]
Al, I can't help you--I work for Señor Psychopath, now. [his head turns into Jafar's, then back] What are you gonna do?
Hey-- I'm a street rat, remember? [he rezips Genie's mouth] I'll improvise.
[Aladdin slides down a pile of coins and hides close to Jafar and Jasmine. Jafar's back is to Aladdin]
Cute little gaps between your teeth.
Go on.
And your beard...is so...twisted! You've stolen my heart.
[Jasmine has handsome arms around him. Jasmine pretends to twist with her finger, but she is actually motioned for Aladdin to come over, he makes his move. Iago sees him]
Jaf--mmmmmm!
What street rat?
Abu [When Iago manages to knock over a bowl. Jafar turns to look, but Jasmine grabs him back and kisses him. He looks disgusted. Iago and Abu both look disgusted]
Yecch!
That was... [sees Aladdin's reflection in Jasmine's crown] YOU! [He zaps Aladdin just as he is about to reach his respective lamp. Genie watches in shock] How many times do I have to kill you, boy?
[Jasmine rushes him, and he angrily throws her to the ground. Aladdin bravely rushes toward him and heroically grabs his staff]
Get the lamp!
No! [Jasmine runs to do so, but Jafar shakes off Aladdin, but evilly zaps her into an hourglass] Ah, ah, ah, Princess. Your time is up!
Jasmine?
[Sand begins to flow from the top onto her, and she immediately realizes what will happen]
Oh, nice shot, Jaf–
[Abu angrily knocks Iago out with the fruit bowl that fell earlier and rushes for the lamp]
Don't toy with me!
[Abu is almost to the lamp, but the blast from Jafar's staff turns him into a toy monkey, with cymbals and a wind-up key]
Abu!
[Carpet rushes in and grabs the lamp as he flies side-by-side, but Jafar zaps him as well]
Things are unraveling fast now, boy! [Carpet unravels in midair, ending up as a pile of tangled threads and tassels. The lamp bounces away and lands in front of Aladdin] Get the point? [Aladdin runs for the lamp, but his path is blocked by a ring of large swords sticking in the floor. Aladdin reaches for his lamp, but the opening is too narrow for him to get far enough, and Jafar evilly grabs it] I'm just getting warmed up! [evilly breathes fire around Aladdin, setting the ring on fire. The Street Rat, however, yet stands his ground]
ARE YOU AFRAID TO FIGHT ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARDLY SNAKE?!
[emerges through the fire, suddenly getting an idea from Aladdin's statements]
A snake, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how snake-like I can be!
[He transformation into a snake, and the ring of fire around Aladdin becomes part of the snake encircling Aladdin. From inside the hourglass, Jasmine watches Jafar's transformation in shock. Meanwhile, Snake Jafar snaps at Aladdin twice, and on the third try, Aladdin swings the sword and hits Jafar. The giant snake yells in pain. Cut to four Genies as cheerleaders wearing "A" sweaters] [in unison]
Rickem, rockem, rackem, rake--stick that sword into that snake!
[The Genies merge back into one and he waves a pennant, not wishing to root for his evil current master] [dryly]
Jafar, Jafar, he's our man--if he can't do it, GREAT!!!
[Meanwhile, Aladdin uses the distraction from his genie to make a break for the hourglass where Jasmine is trapped. However, Jafar sees this and blocks the path. Aladdin is thrown off, and loses his sword. He hears a shout from Jasmine]
Aladdin!
[Aladdin turns to see Jasmine already knee-deep in sand. He bravely jumps on a large gem and heroically slides across the floor, bravely grabbing his sword along the road. He turns a corner, but the pursuing snake cannot, and the front half of Jafar smashes through a wall and hangs outside the palace. Aladdin bravely jumps up on the snake's back and heroically stabs him hard. Jafar shrieks in agony. Cut to Aladdin, who is once again trying to free Jasmine. At this point, she is now neck-deep in sand, and sinking fast]
Jasmine, hang on!
[He is about to hit the glass with a piece of wood he caught earlier until Jafar grabs him] [laughs hideously]
You little fool! You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on Earth?
[with Genie coming up behind him]
Squeeze him, Jafar! Squeeze him like a--awk! [Genie elbows him out of the road, all the while trying to look innocent]
Without the Genie, boy, you're nothing! [Aladdin suddenly glances down at Genie, who shrugs his shoulders, not knowing what to do either]
The Genie? [has an idea] The Genie! THE GENIE HAS MORE POWER THAN YOU'LL EVER HAVE!
HE GAVE YOU YOUR POWER! HE CAN TAKE IT AWAY!
FACE IT, JAFAR, YOU'RE STILL JUST...SECOND-BEST! [Jafar thinks for a moment, and realizes Aladdin's right. Genie's "phenomenal cosmic powers" far surpass his, meaning that he yet can't call himself the most powerful being as he thought]
You're right, his power does exceed my own. But not for long! [Jafar circles around the Genie, aiming to rectify the power discrepancy between him]
[hesitantly]
The boy's crazy. He's a little punch-drunk. [turns his hand into a cobra puppet and beats himself with it] One too many hits with the snake.
[imperatively]
Slave, I make my third wish!! I wish to be an all-powerful Genie! [Aladdin looks down at Genie from Jafar's coils, and Jasmine, who is now almost buried in sand, looks toward her captor as well. Then Genie sighs in defeat, knowing he has no choice but to comply with Jafar's request]
[Genie zaps Jafar with the last Genie-brand lightning bolt. Jafar's snake form dissipates, freeing Aladdin and he begins his transformation into a Genie. One shies from using the word "orgasmic" in a Disney animated feature script]
Yes! Yes! The power! The absolute power!
[At this point, all that remains of Jasmine before she disappears under the sand is her raised hand. Thankfully, Aladdin runs over and eventually smashes the glass. The sand, along with Jasmine pours out, and she coughs a bit. Jafar rises out of the palace and towards outer space like Star Wars, getting larger as his power grows. Down below, the wind blows fiercely to signal what's to follow] [to Aladdin frightfully]
What have you done?!
Trust me!
[Suddenly, a black lamp, similar to that of Genie's, appears at Jafar's base, though he is too busy manipulating the stars and planets like to notice at]
The universe is mine to command, to control!
NOT SO FAST, JAFAR! AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?
[Jafar looks down at him questioningly, confused as to what the Street Rat is speaking about]
Huh?
YOU WANTED TO BE A GENIE, YOU'VE GOT IT!
[Aladdin holds up the black lamp, and it begins to suck Jafar in. He tries to escape, but its power is too strong]
NO! NO!!
I'm gettin' outta here!
Phenomenal cosmic powers!
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[Iago tries to fly off, but Jafar grabs him, and he gets sucked in as well]
Come on, you're the genie, I don't want--
[With one final clank, Jafar and Iago are sucked inside his lamp, and that is the last we see of them]
Itty-bitty living space.
[ruffles Aladdin's hair]
Al, you little genius, you!
[As a result of being trapped in his lamp, all of Jafar's magic undoes itself. First, Abu turns back into a real monkey and Carpet re-ravels himself. Next, Jasmine, The Sultan and Rajah stand together, and the tiger jumps up into The Sultan's arms. Just then, they are all transformed back into their regular clothes, and Rajah, now an adult tiger again, almost crushes him. Eventually, the palace reappears back in the ciy from where it was taken. Aladdin holds Jafar's lamp as he and Iago start arguing]
Get your blasted beak out of my face!
Oh, shut up, you moron!
Don't tell me to shut up!
Allow me. Ten thousand years in the Cave of Wonders oughtta chill him out. [flicks the lamp explosion into the desert]
