Rob Riggle movie quotes

View Quote You listen to me, boy. Don't go poking around in things you don't understand, or I'll be your worst nightmare. I'm Frankenstein's head on a spider's body!

View Quote [reffering to Ted] What?! Why is he leaving town? NO ONE EVER LEAVES TOWN! See what he's up to.

View Quote You've got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. I can't think of any reason you'd ever wanna go outside of town again. Ever.

View Quote Lloyd: Hey, you guys wanna play "He Who Smelt It"?
Harry: Yeah.
Travis: What's that?
Lloyd: It's complicated, so pay attention. We put the windows up, first one who smells a fart gets a point. If you say who dealt it, double points.
Harry: But if you say you smelled a fart and nobody farted, like if we were just passing a slaughterhouse...
Lloyd: False fart!
Harry: ...you lose a point. And you can't smell your own farts, either.
Travis: What, are you guys kidding? No! No! I'm not gonna sit around sniffing you guys' farts like some kinda truffle pig! Forget it.
Harry: Okay, fine. Lloyd and I will play one-on-one.
Lloyd: Yeah, head-to-head.
Travis: How can you play one-on-one? If you smell a fart and you didn't do it, isn't it obvious the other guy did?
[Lloyd stares surprisingly at Travis]
Lloyd: I thought you said you never played before.

View Quote Lloyd: Hey, when is this KEN thing, anyway?
Travis: It actually starts today, but Penny doesn't give her speech until the night of May 2nd.
Harry: So that gives us...How many days are in April?
Lloyd: "Thirty days have September, all the rest I can't remember."
Harry: Must be 31, because nothing rhymes with August.
Lloyd: No, I think it's 32, Har. April's a leap month.
Harry: 31.
Lloyd: 32.
Harry: 31.
Lloyd: 32.
Harry and Lloyd: [overlapping] 2, 2, 2! 31, 31, 1, 1, 1!
Travis: 30! There's 30!
Harry: Thank you.
Travis: You said 31.
Harry: Yeah, but I was closer.

View Quote Travis: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 3. Whoever guesses it gets to be king of the car.
Lloyd: 1!
Travis: Nope.
Harry: 3?
Travis: Nope.
[Harry and Lloyd think for a while]
Lloyd: Okay, what is it?
[Travis looks at Lloyd, quizzically]
Travis: 2.
Lloyd: [groans] Oh, I swear I was gonna say that!

View Quote Cebause you're just a weak little boy.

View Quote [After Dennis' 5th birthday party is ruined]
Vlad: [to his son, Dracula] Hey, what did you just do? A few more seconds and the kid's fangs would have popped right out.
Drac: I don't care! It's... it's not worth it!
Mavis: What's not worth it?
Drac: It was my last attempt to make the boy a vampire so you'd stay.
Mavis: By ruining his favorite thing? How could you (made Grandpa Vlad) do that?
Johnny: We were desperate!
Mavis: You were in on this( too)?
Johnny: Dennis won't be happy in my town.
Mavis: (But) Dennis hasn't been there( yet)!
Erik: [plays organ while singing] The husband and wife! Hear the strain and the strife–
Drac, Mavis and Johnny: [to Erik] SHUT UP!
Mavis: (Oh, boy…) Johnny, Dennis is not a monster! [Vlad makes a shocked face] He likes avocado!
Johnny: 'Cause you don't let him eat anything fun!
Linda: I think Dennis just wants to be normal.
Mavis: Can we stop using the word, "normal"?
[Dennis walks away sadly, feeling not good enough to fit in]
Drac: Where we live now, he's normal!
Mavis: He is who he is and you can't change him, Dad.
[Dennis runs out of the room, Winnie follows him. Bella watches them from the window. Outside the castle... in the forest...]
Winnie: Dennis, where are you going?
Dennis: Away!
Winnie: But it's not safe out here by ourselves. I know a place where we can hide. Follow me! [they run to a tree house as their secret hiding place]
[Back at the party...]
Vlad: If you didn't stop me, my great-grandson wouldn't have to be a wimp his whole life, like schlumpy over here. [gestures to Johnny]
Johnny: "A wimp"!?
Drac: Johnny, be cool.
Johnny: [climbs on the stage, and walks to him] You wanna throw down, old man?! [does karate move at him] Certified yellow belt since 1997! [takes off his wig, blowing his cover]
Drac: No! (Oh, too late…)
Vlad: What's this now, you're not a vampire?
Johnny: (Huh? Oh…) [guilty] Uh, bleh?
Mike: Of course he's (a) human. He's our son( in fact). You think we're monsters? [he and Linda wipe off their make-up, revealing their true selves]
Vlad: [gasps; to Drac] You! You let your daughter marry a human and have a human kid! Why don't you just put a stake through my heart?!
Drac: We don't hate humans anymore and they don't hate us( either).
[the other humans reveal themselves as well]
Bela: (W-what?) [outraged of this charade] HUMANS!? [scratches the window, and growls]
Vlad: You're a fool!
Drac: Your great-grandson is the sweetest, kindest, most special boy I've ever met. And if you can't give him the love he deserves because he's half-human, then you're the fool.
Mavis: [hugs him lovingly] Oh, Daddy.
[Drac hugs her back]
Johnny: Hey, (speaking of which…) where is Dennis? Dennis!
Mavis: Dennis?

View Quote Bela: Stop squirming!
Dennis: Why are you doing this?
Bela: Because this is WRONG!! (I mean really!) Why doesn't one get that? Humans don't belong with monsters!
Winnie: You're wrong!
Bela: I am not! I am holding you hostage, and me and my crew are gonna tear that human-hugging hotel to shreds!
Dennis: You can't!
Bela: Really?! Why not?
Dennis: Because…
Bela: "Because" why?!
Dennis: Because it will make Papa Drac sad!
Bela: Ooh… Sad, and what are you gonna do about it?!
Dennis: I don't relay know.
Bela: do You know why you don't know? "Because" you're just a weak, little boy! [laughs]