Patton Oswalt movie quotes

View Quote [from trailer] I gotta admit, this is nice.

View Quote I'm going to find my inner Rooster.

View Quote And, Thank you!

View Quote Remy: [on top of a window at the restaurant looking down into the kitchen] I can't believe it. A real gourmet kitchen, and I get to watch!
Gusteau: You've have read my book. Let us see how much you know, huh? Which one is the chef?
Remy: Oh! Uh... Oh, that guy. [pointing to Skinner]
Gusteau: Very good. Who is next in command?
Remy: The Sous-Chef... [pointing to Horst] There. The sous is responsible for the kitchen when the chef's not around. [pointing to Lalo] Saucier, in charge of sauces. Very important. [pointing to Larousse and Pompidou] Chef De Partie, Demi Chef De Partie, both important. [pointing to Colette and another cook] Commis, Commis, they're cooks. Very important.
Gusteau: Ah, you are a clever rat. Now, who is that? [points to Linguini, clumsily cleaning up the kitchen]
Remy: Oh, him? He's nobody.
Gusteau: Not nobody. He is part of the kitchen.
Remy: No, he's a Plongeur or something. He washes dishes or takes out the garbage. He doesn't cook.
Gusteau: But he could!
Remy: [dismissively] Uh, no.
Gusteau: How do you know? What do I always say, Remy? Anyone can cook.
Remy: Well yeah, anyone can. That doesn't mean that anyone should.
Gusteau: Well, that is not stopping him. See?
[Linguini has accidentally spilled a pot of soup and is attempting to cover up his mistake by throwing random ingredients into it]
Remy: What?! What is he doing?! No. No! No, this is terrible! He... He's ruining the soup! And-And nobody's noticing it?! [to Gusteau] It's your restaurant! Do something!
Gusteau: What can I do? I am a figment of your imagination.
Remy: But he is ruining the soup!!! We have got to tell someone that he's the- [slips from the window and falls into the kitchen]

View Quote Skinner: I knew it!
Linguini: It's my... Second, third, fourth... Fifth time. Monday was my first time. But I've been taking out the garbage lots of time before that…
Skinner: Yes, yes. Have some more wine. Tell me, Linguini about your interests. Do you like animals?
Linguini: What? Animals? What kind?
Skinner: Oh, the usual, dogs, cats, horses, guinea pigs, rats.
Remy: [comes out with scraps of gourmet food] I brought you something to -- [sees Emile eating the garbage] AGH!!!!! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! SPIT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!
[Emile shamefully spits out the garbage; Remy sighs]
Remy: I have got to teach you about food. Close your eyes. [Emile does; hands him some cheese] Now, take a bite of thi -- [Emile inhales it] NO! NO, NO! Don't just hork it down!
Emile: Too late. [swallows]
Remy: Here. [hands him another piece] Ah, chew it slowly... Only think about the taste.
[Emile tastes the cheese slowly; everything behind him fades to black as a faint yellow-grey visualization appears along with a low bass melody]
Remy: See?
Emile: Not really.
Remy: Creamy, salty sweet... an oaky nuttiness... You detect that?
Emile: Oh, I'm detecting nuttiness.
Remy: Close your eyes. [hands Emile half a grape] Now taste this.
[Emile tastes the grape; light violet visualizations appear to a vibraphone melody]
Remy: Whole different thing, right? Sweet, crisp, slight tang on the finish?
Emile: Okay...
Remy: Now, try them together.
[Emile tastes them both at once; both melodies slowly begin to merge and get progressively louder as the visualizations grow and change shape little by little]
Emile Okay... I think I'm gettin' a little something there...
Remy: Uh-huh?
Emile: It might be the nuttiness...
Remy: See?
Emile: Could be the tang...
Remy: That's it! Now, imagine every great taste in the world being combined into infinite combinations, and tastes that no one has tried yet! Discoveries to be made!
Emile: I think...
Remy: Uh-huh?!
Emile: You've lost me again.
[The visualizations fade and the melody distorts]
Remy: [groans] Yeah...
Emile: But that was interesting. Most interesting garbage I ever-- HEY! What are we doing?! Dad doesn't know you are alive yet! We've got to go to the colony! Everyone will be thrilled!
Remy: Yeah! But…
Emile: What?
Remy: The thing is, I kind of have too…
Emile: What do you have to more than family? What's more important here?
Remy: Well, I… It wouldn't hurt to visit.
Skinner: Have you ever had a pet rat?
Linguini: No.
Skinner: Did you work in a lab with rats?
Linguini: No.
Skinner: Perhaps you lived in squalor at some point!
Linguini: Nopety nopety no.
Skinner: You know something about rats! You know you do!
Linguini: You know who know do whacka-doo. Ratta-tatta. Hey! Why do they call it that?
Skinner: What?
Linguini: Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? You’re gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille Doesn’t sound delicious, it sounds like rat and patootie, Ratpatootie, which does not sound delicious. [sharing more wine]
Skinner: Regrettably, [drops the wine on the trash can] we are all out of wine.
Django: My son has returned. [Rats cheering] And finding someone to replace you for poison checker has been a disaster. Nothing's been poisoned, thank gosh, but it hasn't been easy. You didn't make it easy.
Remy: I know. I am sorry, Dad.
Django: Well, the important thing is that you're home.
Remy: Yeah, well, about that…
Django: You look thin. Why is that? A shortage of food, or a surplus of snobbery?

View Quote Remy: It's locked. Hmm.
Gusteau: Remy, what are you doing in here?
Remy: [harassed] Emile shows up...I said not to... He goes and blabs - it's a disaster! Anyway, they're hungry, that food safe is locked, and I need the key.
Gusteau: They want you to steal food?
Remy: Yes. No...it's complicated! It's family. They don't have your–– ideals! [The cardboard Gusteaus start speaking]
Gusteau's Barbecue Spare-Ribs: Ideals? Hah! If Chef Fancy Pants had any ideals, you think I'd be hawkin' barbecue over here?!
Gusteau's Microwave Burritos: Or microwave burritos?
Gusteau's Tooth-Pickin' Chicken: Or tooth, I say, Tooth-pickin' Chicken? S'about as French as a Corn Dog!
Gusteau's Corn Puppies: Roof! Rumming roon!
Gusteau's Barbecue Spare-Ribs: Ha! We're inventin' new ways to sell out over here!
Gusteau's Haggis Bites: Will ye be wantin' some Haggis Bites, then?
Gusteau: I cannot control how they use my image Remy! I am dead!
Remy: Can you guys SHUT UP?! [the cutouts then stop talking] I've got to think! Word's getting out if I can't keep them quiet. The entire clan's going to be after me with their mouths open and... [finds the key and spots his will] Here it is. Hey. Your will! Oh, this is interesting. Mind if I...?
Gusteau: Not at all.
Remy: [upon seeing Linguini's name in Gusteau's file] Linguini? Why would Linguini be filed with your will?
Gusteau: This used to be my office. [Remy reads Gusteau's will and the letter Linguini's mother wrote.]
Remy: [shocked] He's your son?!
Gusteau: [also shocked] I have a son?!
Remy: How could you not know this?!
Gusteau: I am a figment of your imagination! You did not know, how could I?!
Remy: Well, your son is the rightful owner of this restaurant!!
Skinner: [enters the room; spots Remy; gasps] No! No! The rat! [Remy grabs the papers and runs off. Skinner dashes outside to catch him, only to bump into Lalo riding a motor scooter] NOOOOOOOO--!!!
Lalo: Sorry, Chef!
Skinner: The rat! It's stolen my documents! It's getting away! [pushes Lalo off the scooter, and drives off to find Remy]

View Quote Welcome to Dennis' World of Pain! [cackles]

View Quote Modo's my boss!

View Quote Daryl: All right, that's it. I need to hear it.
Will: Hear what?
Daryl: [chuckling] Oh, you know what.
Will: What? [sighs] Oh, come on.
Daryl: Do it.
Will: [sighs] Ba.
Hannah: [pushes Daryl] With feeling.
[Will starts to bleat and so does Daryl. Hannah joins in, as the three yell "baaa", then Will bleats loudly that Archie, Olivia, Lenny and Modo hears him. Then Coach Dennis woke up startled by Will's bleating]
Coach Dennis: [gasps] What?
[We zoom out at the Sunken City Hotel and we cut back in where we see the bellhop gerbil pushing the baggage cart, as he hears Will's bleating]
Bellhop Gerbil: [bleats] [resumes his work]
Will: [bleating continues, screams]
Jett: [fed up with Will's bleating noise and approached him] What is that noise? [grabs his phone] Give me that!
Daryl and Hannah: [bleating continues]
Hannah: [she and Daryl stopped bleating as they see Jett Fillmore] Jet...
Daryl and Hannah: Fillmore.
Daryl: Your head is so green–
[Then Jett broke Will's phone, as Will grins nervously at her]
Jett: Some of us have a game tomorrow. Keep it down.

View Quote Guys like me are born loving women like you.

View Quote Talk about dwelling on the past. Here you are back in Mercury, like a loser, trying to score with a happily married man.

View Quote Mavis: Weren't you that hate crime guy?
Matt: Excuse me?
Mavis: You totally were. You're the hate crime guy! Oh my God, why didn't you just say that? Now I know who you are. Matt, the hate crime guy.
Matt: Yes, Mavis. When when we were seniors a bunch of jocks who thought I was gay jumped me in the woods.
Mavis: That's right!
Matt: And hit me on the legs and dick with a crowbar.
Mavis: With a crowbar. I totally remember that.
Matt: It was national news. I mean, until people found out I wasn't really gay. Then it wasn't a hate crime anymore. It was a fat guy getting his ass beat.
Mavis: Didn't you get to miss a bunch of school?
Matt: Yes, I got to miss about six months. It was awesome.
Mavis: ****. How's your dick?
Matt: Not good. Not good.
Mavis: Does it work?
Matt: Yeah, it works. You know, it just kind of does. [makes sideways hand gesture]