Mavis

Weren't you that hate crime guy?

Matt

Excuse me?

Mavis

You totally were. You're the hate crime guy! Oh my God, why didn't you just say that? Now I know who you are. Matt, the hate crime guy.

Matt

Yes, Mavis. When when we were seniors a bunch of jocks who thought I was gay jumped me in the woods.

Mavis

That's right!

Matt

And hit me on the legs and dick with a crowbar.

Mavis

With a crowbar. I totally remember that.

Matt

It was national news. I mean, until people found out I wasn't really gay. Then it wasn't a hate crime anymore. It was a fat guy getting his ass beat.

Mavis

Didn't you get to miss a bunch of school?

Matt

Yes, I got to miss about six months. It was awesome.

Mavis

****. How's your dick?

Matt

Not good. Not good.

Mavis

Does it work?

Matt

Yeah, it works. You know, it just kind of does. [makes sideways hand gesture]