Ed Begley Jr. movie quotes

View Quote Because that is the real world, Mary, so wake up and smell the cappuccino!

View Quote It's picture time! [sets Olivia on the Xerox machine]

View Quote [speaking to Ruth] I don't even think you're a woman! You know what you are? You're a she-devil!

View Quote Richard Tyler: Can't argue with statistics, Dad.
Alan Tyler: Statistics. Here's something you can do: go down to Gutman's Hardware Store, buy a pound of these.
Richard Tyler: But, Dad...
Alan Tyler: Son, you can't live your life based on statistics. You've gotta take some chances. Now come on, Buddy.
Alan Tyler: [with a five-dollar-bill] You can do this.
[Alan gives money to Richard. His mother Claire releases him and joins her father in unison]
Richard Tyler: [Leaving his parents behind] This is not good. Definately not good.

View Quote [At night, the Tyler's parent car arrives home]
Claire Tyler: [In car] I can't imagine where he could be. Maybe we should call the police.
Claire Tyler: [Gasps as the car parks in front of Richard's bicycle, lying down] Alan!
[the car stops]
Claire Tyler: [Gets out] He's home!
[Alan gets out]
Claire Tyler Alan.
Alan Tyler: [sees Richard in the treehouse] It's impossible.
[Alan goes up into the treehouse]
Alan Tyler: Rich?
Claire Tyler [Goes up into the treehouse and takes Richard's signature glasses] We probably should put him in his bed.
Alan Tyler: Let's let him sleep up here tonight.
[Claire goes down, as Alan uses the coat as a blanket for Richard]
Alan Tyler: [turning off a lantern] Love you, Richie.
[Alan goes down the treehouse. Alan & Claire goes inside the house]
Alan Tyler: Good night, son.
[Alan closes the door, leaves, and the living room light turn off]

View Quote [First lines during the opening scene]
Claire Tyler: [offscreen; in bed] Alan, every ten-year-old is afraid of something.
Alan Tyler: [offscreen; in bed] The kid's afraid of tuna-fish sandwitches.
Claire Tyler: Mercury levels in the tuna.
Alan Tyler: Whatever.
Claire Tyler: Alan, the world is a frightening place to him right now. I think we could be a little more supportive.
Alan Tyler: Supportive? I'm the most supportive father on earth, but I'm running out of supportive things to do. I signed him up for Little League, he drove everybody crazy with statistics about how you can develop tumors from being hit in the head with a ball. [offscreen] Did you know that shin splints can lead to blood clots in the legs? Claire, he brought in a medical journal. Nobody wanted to play after that. And now I'm building him a tree house, in a tree he refuses to climb.
[while Alan says the last sentence above, Claire turns on a light and he looks at the treehouse on a dark and stormy night]
Claire Tyler: You know he hates heights.
Alan Tyler: I don't know. I just want to be a good father.
Claire Tyler: But you are a good father.

View Quote Gil Turner: Do you smell perfume?
Jack Harrison: Yes. I know what was in this room.
Gil: What?
Jack: The Creature from Estee Lauder.

View Quote Gil Turner: You can't fire me, I'm your son.
Mac Turner: Prove it!

View Quote Jack Harrison: Look, didn't you hire me to raise the journalistic level of this paper?
Mac Turner: Wrong! I hired you to raise the vocabulary level of this paper. I want to keep the journalistic level very low. Why do you think I teamed you up with him? [points to Gil]
Gil Turner: Hey, I'm a team player.