Bob's mother
Is it that time of the month?
Ruth Patchett/Vesta Rose
Roseanne Barr · 16 quotes
Mary Fisher
Meryl Streep · 15 quotes
Bob Patchett
Ed Begley Jr. · 12 quotes
Mrs. Trumper
Mary Louise Wilson · 4 quotes
Nicolette Patchett
Elisebeth Peters · 3 quotes
Olivia Honey
Maria Pitillo · 2 quotes
Judge Brown
Rosanna Carter · 1 quote
Most scenes together: Bob Patchett & Mary Fisher (4), Ruth Patchett/Vesta Rose & Bob Patchett (3), Mary Fisher & Nicolette Patchett (2)
She-Devil quotes
Page 1 of 4
Garcia I may be the butler, but I'm not the maid!
AHHHH! Hooper! Vesta! This is long-term leakage!
Nurse Hooper may be short, but she's very devoted.
Ute Fuzzy has just shit all over the carpet!
Ute I took this job because I only had to cook and clean for one person and one dog. Then I get the mother, the lover, his kids, their dog! Ms. Fisher, up with this bullshit I will not put! I quit!
You should see my electric bill.
I'd love to!
Mary, what's wrong?
Your son and that mongrel are molesting my poodle.
Ruth, where are you going?!
I don't know, Bob. Into my future, I guess.
You know Mrs. Fisher, I haven't told you what a wonderful daughter you've got. You did a terrific job in raising her!
Mrs. Fisher
You'd never know it the way she treats me! Ms. Famous Writer over there... You would think a 41-year old woman would have learnt to appreciate her mother!
[angry]
You would think that a mother would appreciate the very expensive nursing home her daughter pays for!
Mary, I th... I thought you were 34?
[nods]
Mrs. Fisher
Ah she's 41, I got the birth certificate to prove it.
Mrs. Fisher
[agitated]
Bullshit, I remember everything! I remember when you were just a teena...
Journalist
Are you saying she was promiscuous?
Mrs. Fisher
Promiscuous? She was a teenage tramp! She couldn't get enough. She'd do it anywhere, anytime, and with anyone!
How shall I inscribe this?
Would you sign it, "To Ruth"?
"To Ruth, With Thanks, Mary Fisher."
Thank you.
Mary does a double take, having heard that name somewhere, but brushes it off. With a "devilish" twinkle in her eyes, Ruth departs; the next one in line steps up.
Alain
Would you inscribe it "To Alain", please.
Bien sur. (Translation: "Of course.")
Alain
Your grasp of the Postmodern metaphor is wonderful, Mrs. Fisher.
Oh, no, no, no. Miss Fisher. (She removes her glasses and begins to flirt) Please, call me...Mary.
Oh, don't you look... what's the matter with your clothes?
You did the laundry.
Oh yes, must be something wrong with that machine.
What is it, exactly, that you do, Mr. Patchett?
I'm a financial consultant.
Really?! I'm absolutely in awe of men who know how to handle money. I can't even balance my own checkbook.
Doesn't your accountant do that for you?
Should he?
The good ones do.
Let me stress one thing above all else. You must report any damp or smelly beds immediately.
Do you mean...
INCONTINENCE! Bedwetters have no place in the Golden Twilight home!