Bob Patchett [speaking to Ruth]
I don't even think you're a woman! You know what you are? You're a she-devil!
Played by Ed Begley Jr. 
She-Devil (1989) · 46 quotes
She-Devil (1989) · 46 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in She-Devil (1989): in 12 of its 46 quotes
Most scenes with: Mary Fisher (4), Ruth Patchett/Vesta Rose (3)
Because that is the real world, Mary, so wake up and smell the cappuccino!
More lines from Bob Patchett
2 quotes Bob Patchett Bob Patchett It's picture time! [sets Olivia on the Xerox machine]
Scenes with Bob Patchett
9 scenes
What is it, exactly, that you do, Mr. Patchett?
Bob Patchett I'm a financial consultant.
Really?! I'm absolutely in awe of men who know how to handle money. I can't even balance my own checkbook.
Bob Patchett Doesn't your accountant do that for you?
Should he?
Bob Patchett The good ones do.
Bob Patchett [in awe of Fisher's home]
My God, this is fantastic.
You should see my electric bill.
Bob Patchett I'd love to!
Bob Patchett [Ruth comes into the bathroom where Bob is showering] [startled]
Ruth! What the hell are you doing?! Oh, please, don't start now. My folks will be here soon.
I'm not starting anything, I just wanted to weigh myself.
Bob Patchett Yeah, no wonder you're upset.
Bob Patchett [Ruth comes into the dining room with soup. She takes the lid off of the dish, exposing Andy's pet gerbil, Herbie, lying dead in the meal]
Oh my God!
Andy Patchett
Herbie!
I'm gonna barf!
Bob Patchett Ruth, what the hell is wrong with you?!
I'll go get a strainer.
Bob Patchett Ruth, where are you going?!
I don't know, Bob. Into my future, I guess.
Bob Patchett Mary, what's wrong?
Your son and that mongrel are molesting my poodle.
Bob's father: Uh, if you were not in love with her why did you marry her, Bob?
Bob Patchett She was pregnant; YOU MADE ME, DAD!
Bob's father: Oh, yeah, right.
Bob's mother: Well, marriage is never easy, son.
Bob Patchett You know Mrs. Fisher, I haven't told you what a wonderful daughter you've got. You did a terrific job in raising her!
Mrs. Fisher
You'd never know it the way she treats me! Ms. Famous Writer over there... You would think a 41-year old woman would have learnt to appreciate her mother!
[angry]
You would think that a mother would appreciate the very expensive nursing home her daughter pays for!
Bob Patchett Mary, I th... I thought you were 34?
[nods]
Mrs. Fisher
Ah she's 41, I got the birth certificate to prove it.
Mrs. Fisher
[agitated]
Bullshit, I remember everything! I remember when you were just a teena...
Bob has had charges prepared against him for embezzlement. He and Mary are meeting with Larry, his attorney
Larry Well Bob, this is serious. You are facing a fine of $200,000.
Mary Fisher{sotto}: Oh, we can afford that.
Larry ...and two to five years in state prison. Only two words can save you now.
Bob Patchett Pay off?
Larry No. Judge Phillips.
Bob Judge Phillips?
Larry We have drawn Judge Phillips and that is good news, very good news indeed. He was my dad's old golfing partner. Judge Phillips has earned a reputation of being, shall we say, considerate to white-collar criminals. We can say a computer bug somehow crept into your system and made errors in these accounts. I will be golfing with him this weekend so we can work out the plan. Besides, since a large part of the money was from Mary's account, it may work. After all, you would not steal from your woman, right?
Mary gives look to Bob as her lawyer unknowingly revealed Bob stole from her.
Bob Patchett Are you sure this can work?
Lawyer
Hey, I do not get paid $350 an hour to give bad advice.
Bob and Mary depart lawyer's office. Larry gives himself a nervous look.
