Astrid
Oh, Great Odin's ghost! Oh, this is high! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Astrid
Astrid
Alright, I admit it. This is pretty cool. It's amazing. He's amazing. [pets Toothless]
Astrid
No one just gets as good as you do... especially you!
Astrid
[to Hiccup, during the final battle]
Take 'em down, babe!
Hiccup
[Astrid and Stormfly arrive at Itchy Armpit]
Afternoon, milady. Where have you been?
Astrid
Oh, winning races. What else? Real question is, where have you been?
Hiccup
Avoiding my dad.
Astrid
Oh, no. What happened now?
Hiccup
Oh, you're gonna-- you're gonna love this. I wake up, the sun is shining, Terrible Terrors are singing on the rooftop. I saunter down to breakfast thinking all is right with the world and I get... [imitates Stoick] "Son, we need to talk."
Astrid
[imitates Hiccup]
Not now, Dad! I got a whole day of goofing off to get started!
Hiccup
[laughs]
What? Okay, first of all, I-I don't sound like that. Who-- what is this character? A-and second, what is that thing you're doing with my shoulders? Yeah, that's a truly flattering impersonation. [Astrid laughs] Anyway, he goes... [imitates Stoick] ..."You're the pride of Berk, son, and I couldn't be prouder."
Astrid
[imitates Hiccup]
Aw, thanks, Dad! I'm pretty impressed with myself, too!
Hiccup
[laughs]
Wh-when have I ever done that with my hands?
Astrid
You just did! [laughs]
Hiccup
[exasperatedly but lightheartedly]
Ah, okay! Just... [grips Astrid's arms] Just hold still! [holds her hands] Very serious. [imitates Stoick] "You're all grown up. And since no chief could ask for a better successor, I've decided–"
Astrid
[interrupts]
To make you Chief! Oh, my gods! Hiccup, that's AMAZING! [playfully punches Hiccup in the chest, accidentally hitting the button that releases the back fin of his flight suit]
Hiccup
OH! You're going to wear out the spring coil. The calibration is very sensitive. [winds the fin back into his flight suit then Toothless and Stormfly come running past chasing each other and knock over Astrid and Hiccup] Yeah, so... This is what I'm dealing with.
Astrid
What'd you tell him?
Hiccup
I-I didn't. By the time he turned around I was gone.
Astrid
Huh, well... that's a lot of responsibility. The map will have to wait, for sure, and I'll need to fly Toothless since you'll be too busy, but...
Hiccup
[Astrid realizes what she just said]
I-It's not me, Astrid. All those speeches and planning and running the village, that's his thing.
Astrid
I think you're missing the point. I mean, Chief. What an honor. I'd be pretty excited.
Hiccup
I... I'm not like you. You... know exactly who you are. You always have. I'm still looking. I know that I'm not my father, and I've never met my mother, so... what does that make me?
Astrid
[Hiccup sits down and gazes off into space. Astrid sits down beside him and starts braiding his hair]
What you're searching for isn't out there, Hiccup. [puts her hand to Hiccup's chest] It's in here.
Eret
[shows Hiccup and Astrid, his scar under his shirt]
This is what he gave me last time I showed up empty-handed. [Hiccup and Astrid looked in disgust at Eret's scar] He promised to be far less understanding in the future.
Hiccup
Look, we don't know anything about a dragon thief, or an ice-spitting dragon, [Eret nods to his men hidden behind Hiccup and Astrid] Or your lunatic boss and his dragon army, okay? Just give us back our dragon and we'll go, Strange-Hostile-Person-Whom-We've-Never-Met.
Eret
[chuckles]
Oh, where are my manners? I'm Eret, Son of Eret. [drags his dagger] Finest dragon trapper alive. After all, it's not just anyone who can capture a Night Fury.
Hiccup
[Toothless roars]
And this is Toothless. He says we're going, now.
Eret
[laughs]
Heh. They all say that. [to the trappers] Rush 'em, lads!
Ug
[The hidden dragon trappers attack. Toothless fires at a large icicle that falls on the dragon trappers and keeps them back. They shout and jump away.]
Oh, Watch out!
Astrid
[Hiccup pulls out Inferno and cuts the net off of Stormfly.]
Stormfly! C'mon, go! Go!
Eret
[Astrid barely manages to escape on Stormfly, with Toothless and Hiccup following]
You will never hold on to those dragons!!! You hear me?! Drago is coming for them all!!!
Gloria
Barbie in the Real World? That's impossible.
Barbie
[in tears]
I'm not pretty anymore!
Gloria
What? You're so pretty!
Barbie
I'm not stereotypical Barbie pretty!
Narrator
Note to the filmmakers: Margot Robbie is the wrong person to cast if you want to make this point.
Gloria
It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart. And it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin but not too thin, and you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also, you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be very grateful, but never forget the system is rigged, so find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory, and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault. I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing a woman, then I don't even know.