Dogma quotes

View Quote I'm tired of all this cryptic bullshit. I'm physically and psychologically exhausted, Rufus, and I'm ready to kick back and welcome the end of existence unless you come clean, right now.

View Quote Behold the Metatron! Herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God!

View Quote Hey, man, back in the old days with J.C., we used to walk everywhere. Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?

View Quote (Bartleby and Loki have missed the last bus to New Jersey.)
Bartleby: Nice. Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating what ought to be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.
Loki: Oh, bus, schmuss. Anyway, w-why should we fall victim to gravity when we can just as easily rise above?
Bartleby: You mean fly?
Loki: We got wings, right? ****, let's use 'em!
Azrael: I wouldn't suggest that. You see, kids, you wouldn't want to look like a couple of fairies, now would you?

View Quote Gang leader: I knew I's gonna whack somebody today! Represent!

View Quote One of the drawbacks to being a martyr is that you have to die.

View Quote The lesson must be taught. All are accountable... even God.

View Quote You know, Christ told me the secret to the Resurrection once. We were at this wedding in Cana, right? And I-I got drunk and forgot it.

View Quote After all this time, this is what it comes down to? Slaughter by a meat-puppet.

View Quote The nature of God and the Virgin Birth--these are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? That's just plain gullibility!

View Quote Don't run! Don't run! Fakes! Fakes! All of you, fakes! Oh, and you! And one to grow on! (people are punctuated by gunshots)

View Quote I'm Jay, and this is my hetero life-mate Silent Bob.

View Quote Loki: Now, wait, so all I gotta do, I walk through the arch thing and then I can go back home?
Bartleby: No. By walking through the archway, all your sins are forgiven. Then all we have to do is die.
Loki: Die?! I don't wanna die!
Bartleby: What, you'd rather hang around here for a few more eons?
Loki: No... we don't even know if we can die. All right, but what if we can and then, and then the arch thing doesn't work? What then, Hell? **** that.
Bartleby: It's impossible--
Loki: **** that!
Bartleby: If we cut off our wings and trans-substantiate to complete human form, we become mortal. If we die with clean souls, there's no way they can keep us out. We won't be angels anymore, but at least we can go back home.

View Quote Metatron: I am to charge you with a holy crusade.
Bethany: For the record, I work in an abortion clinic.
Metatron: Noah was a drunk, and look what he accomplished- and no one's asking you to build an ark. All you've got to do is go to New Jersey, and visit a small church on a very important day.
Bethany: New Jersey?
Metatron: Mmm-hmm. (drinks a shot of tequila and spits it out into an empty glass)
Bethany: That doesn't sound like much of a crusade.
Metatron: Aside from the fine print, that's it.
Bethany: What's the fine print?
Metatron: (quickly and quietly into his next shot) Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus negating all existence. (takes the shot)
Bethany: Whoa, wait, what?
Metatron: (more clearly) Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus - Negating - All - Existence; I hate it when people need it spelled out for them.

View Quote You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus.