Gary King
There's only one Gary King!
Then you have made your choice, Gary King of the humans!
Gary King
Yeah I have! Because, frankly, who the **** are you to come down here and tell us what to do?!
We are the Network! And we are here for your betterment! In the last 23 years, have you not marveled as information technology has surged forward?
Gary King
No.
Earth has grown smaller, yet greater as connectivity has grown! This is our doing! And it is just the beginning!
Gary King
Ohhh **** off you big lamp!
You are children, and you require guidance! There is no room for imperfection!
Gary King
Hey, Earth isn't perfect, all right? And humans aren't perfect, and guess what? I ain't perfect!
Therein lies the necessity of this intervention, must the galaxy be subjected to an entire planet of people like you?
Andrew Knightley
Whoah, whoah...whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah...who put you in charge, huh? Who are you to criticize anyone? You may think Gary is a bit of a ****, and he is a bit of a ****, but he's MY ****!
Gary King
Oh thanks, mate.
But he is a detriment to himself just as Earth is a detriment to the galaxy!
Andrew Knightley
What did you say?
You act out the same cycles of self-destruction again, and again! At this point, your planet is the least civilized in the entire galaxy!
Gary King
What did he say?
Andrew Knightley
He's saying we're a bunch of ****-ups!
Gary King
HEY! It is our basic human right to be ****-ups! This civilization was founded on ****-ups and you know what? That makes me proud!
Andrew Knightley
Yeah! And me!
Gary King
What is it they say? "To err is..."
Andrew Knightley
"To err is human."
Gary King
"To err is human!" So...errr...!
We do not believe you speak for all humanity! You are but two men! Two DRUNK men!
Steven Prince
THREE drunk men!
Stevey-baby! [all laughing]
ENOUGH! ENOUGH, HUMANS!
Gary King
Oh, you are in trouble now! It's only the **** three musketeers!
You are revolting against the wisdom of countless solar systems!
Gary King
Yeah, we are revolting!
Andrew Knightley
Wait, you just said you're not here to conquer! Can I just ask, how many people did you have to replace in Newton Haven?
That is irrelevant.
Andrew Knightley
Is it? [to the blank congregation] Hands up! Who here is human?!
I'm human.
Gary King
One!
And me.
Gary King
That's two!
I am, but I don't know for how long.
Basil!
Shh! [disappears]
Steven Prince
So what's that, three?
Andrew Knightley
You had to replace an entire town?
Not the entire town.
Gary King
Well everybody apart from old Nutball, and the shifty twins!
Steven Prince
That's a good name for a band, Gary, you should write that down!
Gary King
I will!
Andrew Knightley
What about all the ones you replaced, like Peter and Oliver?
Steven Prince
Yeah! What happened to the empties?!
I told you not to ask that!
Redundant vessels are recycled, mulched and converted into fertilizer where upon they are returned to the earth to promote verdancy and growth. It is a highly efficient means of organic renewal!
Gary King
Mulched?!
It is a relative few in light of our long-term plan!
Steven Prince
You mean a few hundred thousand turned to **** compost!
Andrew Knightley
Well what about the other places? The penetration points! [Gary makes a sex motion with his finger] Are they as successful as Newton Haven? Because I'm guessing we're not the only glitch in your system!
It is true, the Network has been experiencing some difficulties.
Gary King
I think you bit off more than you can chew with Earth, mate!
Andrew Knightley
Yeah because we are more belligerent, more stubborn, and more idiotic than you can possibly imagine! I am not just talking about Gary!
Gary King
Yeah, there's more than one Gary King!
But you said-
Gary King
I **** KNOW WHAT I **** SAID!
YOUR RELIANCE ON PROFANITY IS A MEASURE OF YOUR IMMATURITY AS A MAN AND AS A SPECIES!
Gary King
Why don't you just get in your rocket and **** off back to Legoland, you ****s!
Steven Prince
Yeah! Stop **** Starbucking us man!
Gary King
Yeah!
It is our duty to challenge you!
Gary King
Just leave us to our own devices, you intergalactic arseholes!
You misunderstand!
Gary King
Shut up!
We are trying-
Gary King
Nobody's listening!!
If you'd only-!
Gary King
FACE IT! We are the human race, and we don't like being told what to do!
Just what is it you want to do?!
Gary King
We wanna be free!
Andrew Knightley
Yeah!
Gary King
We wanna be free to do what we wanna do!
Andrew Knightley
Yeah.
Gary King
We wanna get loaded!
Steven Prince
Yeah!
Gary King
And we wanna have a good time! And that's what we're gonna do!
It's pointless arguing with you... [Begins shutting down] You will be left to your own devices.
Gary King
Really?
Yeah...**** it. [Shuts down]