R quotes from The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Played by John Cleese
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James Bond: [after Q introduces Bond to his successor] If you're Q, does that make him R?
R: Ah yes, the legendary 007 wit, or at least half of it.
R: Ah yes, the legendary 007 wit, or at least half of it.
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[at Q's lab, Bond notices a bagpiper playing, who then turns to a ballistics dummy, aiming his bagpipes at the dummy. One of the pipes fires machine gun bullets, another is a flamethrower]
Bond: I suppose we all have to pay the piper sometime, right, Q?
Q: Oh, pipe down, 007.
Bond: Was it something I said?
Q: No. Something you destroyed: My fishing boat [points to advanced (and heavily damaged) skiff Bond earlier used] for my retirement, away from you. [opens pool table. A platform arises, showing a man working on a BMW coupe. Bond and Q walk toward it] Now, I want to introduce you to the young fellow I'm grooming to follow me.
Man: [looks at Q and Bond] Oh... [man has lab gown stuck on the car door; he looks around in confusion. Bond opens it, freeing the lab coat]
Bond: Helps if you open the door.
Man: Hmm. And you might be?
Q: This is 007!
Bond: If you're Q, does that make him R?
R: Ah yes, the legendary 007 wit, or at least half of it.
Bond: I suppose we all have to pay the piper sometime, right, Q?
Q: Oh, pipe down, 007.
Bond: Was it something I said?
Q: No. Something you destroyed: My fishing boat [points to advanced (and heavily damaged) skiff Bond earlier used] for my retirement, away from you. [opens pool table. A platform arises, showing a man working on a BMW coupe. Bond and Q walk toward it] Now, I want to introduce you to the young fellow I'm grooming to follow me.
Man: [looks at Q and Bond] Oh... [man has lab gown stuck on the car door; he looks around in confusion. Bond opens it, freeing the lab coat]
Bond: Helps if you open the door.
Man: Hmm. And you might be?
Q: This is 007!
Bond: If you're Q, does that make him R?
R: Ah yes, the legendary 007 wit, or at least half of it.
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R: Now, I daresay, 007, that you've met your match with this machine.
James Bond: [Putting on some nearby shades, that are really x-ray glasses] Yeah? New model, improved specs?
R: I thought you were on the Inactive roster; some kind of injury?
James Bond: Yes, well, we'll see about that. So...
R: As I was saying, the very latest in interception countermeasures. Titanium armor, a multi-tasking heads-up display, and six beverage cup holders. All in all, rather stocked.
Q: "Fully loaded," I think is the term.
R: I think–
Q: You're not here to think, you're here to do what I tell you. Now, go put on the coat and demonstrate it for 007.
R: But of course. Now, watch closely, please, 007. [Puts on the snow jacket] The right arm goes in the right sleeve, thus, and the left arm in the left sleeve, thus. Now, note closely, please: pockets, poppers, and zipper. Take the lower part of the zipper, and insert it into the–
Q: [Q and Bond give a look to each other] Oh, pull the tag! [Pulls a tag on the front of the jacket]
R: Oh! But you said–! [An inflatable self-closing ball inflates out of the back of the jacket, then wraps around R. He falls and rolls around blindly, stuck in the ball] Oooh! Q! Ooof!
James Bond: He seems well-suited for the job. [Q chuckles and goes to a nearby platform] Now, you're not retiring anytime soon...are you?
Q: Now, pay attention 007. I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.
Bond: And the second?
Q: Always have an escape plan. [presses button and the platform lowers itself, and Q, into the floor]
James Bond: [Putting on some nearby shades, that are really x-ray glasses] Yeah? New model, improved specs?
R: I thought you were on the Inactive roster; some kind of injury?
James Bond: Yes, well, we'll see about that. So...
R: As I was saying, the very latest in interception countermeasures. Titanium armor, a multi-tasking heads-up display, and six beverage cup holders. All in all, rather stocked.
Q: "Fully loaded," I think is the term.
R: I think–
Q: You're not here to think, you're here to do what I tell you. Now, go put on the coat and demonstrate it for 007.
R: But of course. Now, watch closely, please, 007. [Puts on the snow jacket] The right arm goes in the right sleeve, thus, and the left arm in the left sleeve, thus. Now, note closely, please: pockets, poppers, and zipper. Take the lower part of the zipper, and insert it into the–
Q: [Q and Bond give a look to each other] Oh, pull the tag! [Pulls a tag on the front of the jacket]
R: Oh! But you said–! [An inflatable self-closing ball inflates out of the back of the jacket, then wraps around R. He falls and rolls around blindly, stuck in the ball] Oooh! Q! Ooof!
James Bond: He seems well-suited for the job. [Q chuckles and goes to a nearby platform] Now, you're not retiring anytime soon...are you?
Q: Now, pay attention 007. I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.
Bond: And the second?
Q: Always have an escape plan. [presses button and the platform lowers itself, and Q, into the floor]
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