Luke Eveshim quotes from The Witches (1990)
Played by Jasen Fisher
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Helga Eveshim: Real witches are very cruel, and they have a highly developed sense of smell. A real witch could smell you across the street on a pitch-black night.
Luke Eveshim: She couldn't smell me. I've just had a shower.
Helga Eveshim: Oh yes, she could. The cleaner you are, the more a witch can smell you.
Luke Eveshim: That doesn't make sense.
Helga Eveshim: Oh, yes it does. A dirty child, it is the dirt she smells. A clean child, it is the child.
Luke Eveshim: Wow. I'll never have a shower again, and I'll have you for an excuse.
Helga Eveshim: Well, just not often. Only once a month is probably safe.
Luke Eveshim: So a witch could smell me right now?
Helga Eveshim: To me you smell of raspberries and cream. But to a witch, you would smell absolutely disgusting.
Luke Eveshim: What kind of disgusting?
Helga Eveshim: Like... dog's droppings.
Luke Eveshim: I don't believe it.
Helga Eveshim: You don't believe it? What's more, to a witch you would smell of FRESH dog's droppings.
Luke Eveshim: She couldn't smell me. I've just had a shower.
Helga Eveshim: Oh yes, she could. The cleaner you are, the more a witch can smell you.
Luke Eveshim: That doesn't make sense.
Helga Eveshim: Oh, yes it does. A dirty child, it is the dirt she smells. A clean child, it is the child.
Luke Eveshim: Wow. I'll never have a shower again, and I'll have you for an excuse.
Helga Eveshim: Well, just not often. Only once a month is probably safe.
Luke Eveshim: So a witch could smell me right now?
Helga Eveshim: To me you smell of raspberries and cream. But to a witch, you would smell absolutely disgusting.
Luke Eveshim: What kind of disgusting?
Helga Eveshim: Like... dog's droppings.
Luke Eveshim: I don't believe it.
Helga Eveshim: You don't believe it? What's more, to a witch you would smell of FRESH dog's droppings.
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Luke Eveshim: So if no one's seen the Grand High Witch, how are you sure she exists?
Helga Eveshim: [she looks at him] Nobody's ever seen the Devil, but we know He exists, don't we?
Luke Eveshim: Yes.
Helga Eveshim: For all you know, a witch might be living next door to you.
Helga Eveshim: [she looks at him] Nobody's ever seen the Devil, but we know He exists, don't we?
Luke Eveshim: Yes.
Helga Eveshim: For all you know, a witch might be living next door to you.
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Woman in Black: Hello, young man. What a magnificent tree-house. Did you build it yourself?
Luke Eveshim: My dad and I did.
Woman in Black: [opening her purse] I've got something for you here. Something I think you'll like. [Her eyes glow. Luke gasps] Jump down, and I'll show you.
Luke Eveshim: No!
Woman in Black: What?
Luke Eveshim: No, thank you very much.
Woman in Black: It's worth a lot of money...
Luke Eveshim: This is private property.
Woman in Black: [pulling a snake out of her purse] There's nothing to be frightened of, I just wanted to give you this. I find him on my walks, he's quite harmless. See? Little boys love snakes. Here, he's yours.
Luke Eveshim: [calling] Grandma!
Woman in Black: Look, I'll leave him here if you like, then you can come down on your own and get him. They wriggle away quite quickly... UNLESS you tell them not to. [she whispers to the snake]
Luke Eveshim: My dad and I did.
Woman in Black: [opening her purse] I've got something for you here. Something I think you'll like. [Her eyes glow. Luke gasps] Jump down, and I'll show you.
Luke Eveshim: No!
Woman in Black: What?
Luke Eveshim: No, thank you very much.
Woman in Black: It's worth a lot of money...
Luke Eveshim: This is private property.
Woman in Black: [pulling a snake out of her purse] There's nothing to be frightened of, I just wanted to give you this. I find him on my walks, he's quite harmless. See? Little boys love snakes. Here, he's yours.
Luke Eveshim: [calling] Grandma!
Woman in Black: Look, I'll leave him here if you like, then you can come down on your own and get him. They wriggle away quite quickly... UNLESS you tell them not to. [she whispers to the snake]
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Luke Eveshim: Grandma! Grandma! Wake up, Grandma! Please, Grandma!
[Miss Ernst and Miss Irvine enter the room]
Luke Eveshim: My grandma!
Miss Ernst: An old adversary I have discovered... very old...
Luke Eveshim: If you hurt my grandma...
Miss Ernst: Silence! [catches Luke]
[Miss Ernst and Miss Irvine enter the room]
Luke Eveshim: My grandma!
Miss Ernst: An old adversary I have discovered... very old...
Luke Eveshim: If you hurt my grandma...
Miss Ernst: Silence! [catches Luke]
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Helga Eveshim: Oh, how I love English hotel teas! Cream cakes, and shortbread, and...
Luke Eveshim: No grandma.
Helga Eveshim: , :Luke Eveshim: No cream cakes.
Helga Eveshim: And no shortbread either; it's full of sugar. Soon I will be eating the same diet as your mice.
Luke Eveshim: No grandma.
Helga Eveshim: , :Luke Eveshim: No cream cakes.
Helga Eveshim: And no shortbread either; it's full of sugar. Soon I will be eating the same diet as your mice.
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Helga Eveshim: Witches spend their time plotting to kill children, stalking the wretched child like a hunter stalks a bird in the forest.
Luke Eveshim: Did they hunt you? [she shows him her right hand with a missing finger] You said it was an accident...
Helga Eveshim: A very unpleasant accident.
Luke Eveshim: Did they hunt you? [she shows him her right hand with a missing finger] You said it was an accident...
Helga Eveshim: A very unpleasant accident.
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Mr. Stringer: I'm sorry, madam, but I cannot permit mice in my hotel.
Helga Eveshim: How dare you say that when your rotten hotel is full of rats anyway?
Mr. Stringer: Rats? There are no rats in this hotel!
Helga Eveshim: I saw one this morning running along the corridor, into the kitchens.
Mr. Stringer: Madam, you only arrived in the hotel this afternoon.
Helga Eveshim: [scoffs] Morning, afternoon, I saw a rat in your hotel, and if matters do not improve, I shall have to report you to the public health authorities.
Mr. Stringer: Look, madam, I'm not prepared...
Luke Eveshim: The cakes in the lounge are nibbled around the edges, too. I can show you.
Helga Eveshim: If you are not careful, the health people will order the whole hotel closed before everyone gets typhoid fever.
Mr. Stringer: You can't be serious, madam!
Helga Eveshim: I have never been more serious in my life. Now - will you or will you not let my grandchild keep his hygienic and perfectly harmless pet mice?
Helga Eveshim: How dare you say that when your rotten hotel is full of rats anyway?
Mr. Stringer: Rats? There are no rats in this hotel!
Helga Eveshim: I saw one this morning running along the corridor, into the kitchens.
Mr. Stringer: Madam, you only arrived in the hotel this afternoon.
Helga Eveshim: [scoffs] Morning, afternoon, I saw a rat in your hotel, and if matters do not improve, I shall have to report you to the public health authorities.
Mr. Stringer: Look, madam, I'm not prepared...
Luke Eveshim: The cakes in the lounge are nibbled around the edges, too. I can show you.
Helga Eveshim: If you are not careful, the health people will order the whole hotel closed before everyone gets typhoid fever.
Mr. Stringer: You can't be serious, madam!
Helga Eveshim: I have never been more serious in my life. Now - will you or will you not let my grandchild keep his hygienic and perfectly harmless pet mice?
Other characters in The Witches (1990): Miss Ernst · Helga Eveshim · Grand High Witch · Bruno Jenkins · Miss Irvine · Woman in Black · Mr. Stringer
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