The Witches 1990 quotes

Bruno Jenkins

That lady promised me six whole bars of cream-whipped hazelnut milk chocolate. I've come to collect.

Miss Ernst

Ladies, may I introduce Bruno? Come up, Bruno... I have the chocolate here. [Bruno does so and she looks at her watch] I said 6:15, and that is in 15 seconds from now. [the witches laugh as does Bruno and she looks at Bruno] You are in for a treat. [laughs] We all are!

Bruno Jenkins

What's going on?

Miss Ernst

Just a few moments... Five!

Bruno Jenkins

I can't even see any chocolate!

Miss Ernst

Four! Three! Two! One!

Bruno Jenkins

Will one of you please tell me what's up?

Miss Ernst

ZERO! [Bruno groans in pain then belches loudly] We have ignition! [the witches begin laughing in amusement] Everybody, look! It's fantastic! It's begun! [Bruno begins transforming into a mouse] I can't stand it; it's so wonderful! Look at you! It's fantastic!

We can't possibly wipe out all of them.

Who spoke? Who dares to argue with me. [she notices Dora, points to her] It was you!

I didn't mean to argue, your grandness.

You dare to argue with me!

No, honestly, it just was a...

A stupid witch who answers back, must burn till her bones are black!

No, no!

A foolish witch without a brain, must sizzle into fire and flame! A witch who dares to say I'm wrong, will not be with us... very long! [she zaps the witch with her eyes]

Is she sober?

Mr. Stringer

Yes she's sober! I've been with her all aftern... When... I... Uh... I saw her w... Yes, of course she's sober! Don't be stupid!

Wait! Wait! [Miss Ernst and the others stop and turn around] I smell... dogs' droppings.

Woman in Black

Ugh! The smell!

Miss Ernst

She's right! Search out this small lump of dung! Find it! It must be exterminated immediately!

Formula 86: My greatest triumph. A work of... genius. Formula 86! In this bottle, 500 doses, with a delay mechanism that prevents it from working until two hours after it has been taken. [laughs]

What does it do... Genius One?

One dose, and the time works to the second. But more than five doses breaks the delay barrier, and the formula works instantly. Child... starts to shrink. The child... starts to... grow fur. Starts... growing a tail! All this happens in precisely twenty-five seconds! Shrinking more... child is no longer a child.[chuckles] Child... is a MOUSE!

Now, this is my plan: Each of you will go back to your homes... and resign from your jobs. Give notice. Retire. You will then buy with the money I give you...

Sweet shops. Candy stores. The best and most respectable sweet shops in England. [throws the money, the ladies are picking up the money] Upstairs: I have a trunkload of this English money... So, you'll be able to offer three, maybe four times what these shops are worth. Go, go, go.

Witches of England... You are a disgrace! Miserable witches... You are good-for-nothing worms! Everywhere I look, I see the repulsive sight of hundreds, thousands of revolting little children... I ask you! [points] Why? One child a week is no good to me!

Woman in Black

We will do better! We will do much better!

Better is no good either! I demand maximum results!

Helga Eveshim

Oh, how I love English hotel teas! Cream cakes, and shortbread, and...

Luke Eveshim

No grandma.

Helga Eveshim

, :Luke Eveshim: No cream cakes.

Helga Eveshim

And no shortbread either; it's full of sugar. Soon I will be eating the same diet as your mice.

Helga Eveshim

Real witches are very cruel, and they have a highly developed sense of smell. A real witch could smell you across the street on a pitch-black night.

Luke Eveshim

She couldn't smell me. I've just had a shower.

Helga Eveshim

Oh yes, she could. The cleaner you are, the more a witch can smell you.

Luke Eveshim

That doesn't make sense.

Helga Eveshim

Oh, yes it does. A dirty child, it is the dirt she smells. A clean child, it is the child.

Luke Eveshim

Wow. I'll never have a shower again, and I'll have you for an excuse.

Helga Eveshim

Well, just not often. Only once a month is probably safe.

Luke Eveshim

So a witch could smell me right now?

Helga Eveshim

To me you smell of raspberries and cream. But to a witch, you would smell absolutely disgusting.

Luke Eveshim

What kind of disgusting?

Helga Eveshim

Like... dog's droppings.

Luke Eveshim

I don't believe it.

Helga Eveshim

You don't believe it? What's more, to a witch you would smell of FRESH dog's droppings.

Helga Eveshim

Witches spend their time plotting to kill children, stalking the wretched child like a hunter stalks a bird in the forest.

Luke Eveshim

Did they hunt you? [she shows him her right hand with a missing finger] You said it was an accident...

Helga Eveshim

A very unpleasant accident.

Poisoned sweets? We'll wipe them out like weasels!

Who spoke?

Miss Irvine

She did!

It's brilliant!

Poisoned? And you don't mind getting caught, exposed, vilified?

Well, I just thought...

Mindless bumpkin! You blithering bogvumper! [Henrietta winces in fear] No wonder that England is swarming with...

Everything you sell that day will have to be treated with my very latest and very greatest magic formula.

Witches work only with magic!

Luke Eveshim

Grandma! Grandma! Wake up, Grandma! Please, Grandma!

Luke Eveshim

My grandma!

Miss Ernst

An old adversary I have discovered... very old...

Luke Eveshim

If you hurt my grandma...

Miss Ernst

Silence! [catches Luke]

Luke Eveshim

So if no one's seen the Grand High Witch, how are you sure she exists?

Helga Eveshim

Nobody's ever seen the Devil, but we know He exists, don't we?

Luke Eveshim

Yes.

Helga Eveshim

For all you know, a witch might be living next door to you.

Evening, madam. Just popping in to turn down your bed.

Miss Ernst

How is the room service here?

Miss Irvine

Diabolical.

Miss Ernst

Good.

Miss Irvine

How do you know that woman upstairs?

Miss Ernst

Come along. Walk downstairs. The elevator is out of order.
[as they walk downstairs the elevator chimes]

I'll see you later then.

Mr. Stringer

We're short-staffed tonight. I might be a little late.

I can wait. [Mr. Stringer goes to kiss her until he sees small brown fur on her neck making him leave in disgust] What is it? [Marlene looks in the mirror and squeals in horror]