Grandpa, look at Augustus! [pointing to Augustus Gloop leaning over face down, heavily slurping from the chocolate river]
Grandpa Joe
Don't worry, Charlie. He can't drink it all.
Aarghh!
Save him!
Help! Help! Fish me out!
Grandpa, why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka?
Grandpa Joe
Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit!
Willy Wonka
All aboard, everybody.
Ladies first and that means Veruca.
Grandpa Joe
If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.
Willy Wonka
She was a bad egg.
Where's she gone?
Willy Wonka
Where all the other bad eggs go: down the garbage chute.
Oh, the garbage chute. Where does it lead to?
Willy Wonka
To the furnace.
The furnace! She'll be sizzled like a sausage.
Willy Wonka
Well, not necessarily. She could be stuck just inside the tube.
Inside the...
Hold on! Veruca! Sweetheart! Daddy's coming!
Willy Wonka
There's gonna be a lot of garbage today.
Grandpa Joe
Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted.
What's that?
Grandpa Joe
Veruca went first.
Mr. Wonka, what's gonna happen to the other kids? Augustus, Veruca?
Willy Wonka
My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite all right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them.
Grandpa Joe
Er...what do we do now, Mr. Wonka?
Willy Wonka
Yes, well...I hope you've enjoyed yourselves, excuse me for not showing you out, you'll find the way, I'm terribly busy. Whole day wasted. Good-bye to you both, Goodbye. [quickly disappears into his office]
What happened? Did we do something wrong?
Grandpa Joe
I don't know, Charlie... but I'm gonna find out.
Grandpa Joe
Mr. Wonka?
Willy Wonka
I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
Grandpa Joe
I just wanted to ask about the chocolate, the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. When does he get it?
Willy Wonka
He doesn't.
Grandpa Joe
Why not?
Willy Wonka
Because he broke the rules.
Grandpa Joe
What rules? We didn't see any rules! Did we, Charlie?
Willy Wonka
Wrong, sir! WRONG! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void IF - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy! - "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera..."Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum,"[the torch of the mind lights the path to glory] et cetera, et cetera..."MEMO BIS PUNITOR DELICATUM"!! [I remember the spoiled punisher twice] It's ALL there! Black and white, clear as crystal! You STOLE Fizzy-Lifting Drinks! You BUMPED into the ceiling, which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get... NOTHING!!! YOU LOSE!! GOOD DAY, SIR!!!
Grandpa Joe
You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are! How can you do a thing like this?! Build up a little boy's hopes, and then smash all his dreams to pieces?! (furiously) YOU'RE AN INHUMAN MONSTER!!
Willy Wonka
I SAID "GOOD DAY!!!"
(he goes on about his work)
Grandpa Joe
Come on, Charlie, let's get out of here. I'll get even with him if it's the last thing I ever do. If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one.
Willy Wonka
So shines a good deed in a weary world. [looks up] Charlie? My boy. You've WON! You DID it! You DID it!! Oh, I just KNEW you would, I JUST KNEW YOU WOULD!! Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this, please forgive me. Mr. Wilkinson, would you come in here please? [The man originally known as Slugworth walks in.] Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson!
Pleasure.
Slugworth...?!
Willy Wonka
No! That's not Slugworth. He works for me!
For you?!
Willy Wonka
I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test! You WON!
Grandpa Joe
Won what?
Willy Wonka
The JACKPOT, my dear sir, the GRAND AND GLORIOUS JACKPOT!
The chocolate?
Willy Wonka
The chocolate, the chocolate, yes, but that's just the beginning!! Come, we have so little to do and so much time! Strike that...reverse it.
Grandpa, look over there across the river! They're little men!
Grandpa Joe
Jumping crocodiles, Charlie! Now we know who makes the chocolate.
I never saw anybody with an orange face before. Funny-looking people, aren't they, Wonka?
What are they doing there?
Wonka
Must be creaming and sugaring time.
Well, they can't be real people.
Wonka
Well, of course they're real people.
Stuff and nonsense!
Wonka
No. Oompa Loompas.
Oompa Loompas?!
Wonka
From Loompaland.
Loompaland? There's no such place.
Wonka
Excuse me, dear lady...
Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.
Wonka
Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."
Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?
Wonka
I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. [continues] And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.
Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away.
All right, Veruca. All right. I'll get you one before the day is out.
I want an Oompa Loompa now!
Can it, you nit!
Wonka
Must show you this. Lickable wallpaper for nursery walls. Lick an orange. It tastes like an orange. Lick a pineapple. It tastes like a pineapple. Go ahead. Try it.
Mmm! I got a plum.
Grandpa, this banana's fantastic! It tastes so real!
Wonka
Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
Snozzberries?! Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
Wonka
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
Here, Wonka is quoting Arthur O'Shaughnessy's "Ode," Music and Moonlight (1874), lines 1–2.
Grandpa Joe
Mr. Wonka?
Wonka
I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
Grandpa Joe
I just wanted to ask about the chocolate, the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. When does he get it?
Wonka
He doesn't.
Grandpa Joe
Why not?
Wonka
Because he broke the rules.
Grandpa Joe
What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?
Wonka
Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy - "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum! It's all there! Black and white, clear as crystal! You stole Fizzy-Lifting Drinks! You bumped into the ceiling, which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get... NOTHING!!! You lose! GOOD DAY, SIR! [returns to work]
Grandpa Joe
You're a crook... [furiously] You're a cheat and a swindler...! That's what you are! How can you do a thing like this?! Build up a little boy's hopes, and then smash all his dreams to pieces?! [lividly] You're an inhuman monster...!
Wonka
I said "GOOD DAY"!! [goes on about his work]
Grandpa Joe
Come on, Charlie. Let's get out of here. [sets to leave] I'll get even with him if it's the last thing I ever do. If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one.
Mr. Wonka?
Wonka
"So shines a good deed in a weary world." [looks up] Charlie? My boy. You've won! You did it! You did it! I knew you would! I just knew you would! Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this. Please, forgive me. Come in, Mr. Wilkinson! [The man originally known as Slugworth walks in.] Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson!
Pleasure!
Slugworth!
Wonka
No, no! That's not Slugworth! He works for me!
For you?
Wonka
I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test! You won!
Grandpa Joe
Won what?!
Wonka
The jackpot, my dear sir! The grand and glorious jackpot!
The chocolate?
Wonka
The chocolate, yes! The chocolate, but that's just the beginning! We hafta get on! We hafta get on! We have so much time, and so little to do! Strike that. Reverse it. This way, please!
Wonka
How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?
I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world.
Wonka
I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you. That's all right, isn't it?
Grandpa Joe
You're giving Charlie the...?
Wonka
I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.
And that's why you sent out the golden tickets.
Wonka
That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.
Grandpa Joe
And me?
Wonka
Absolutely.
What happens to the rest...?
Wonka
The whole family. I want you to bring them all.
Wonka
But, Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
What happened?
Wonka
He lived happily ever after.
