View Quote
I'm thinkin' of something orange. Something orange. Give up? It's an orange. [laughs] Ok, now I'm thinkin' of something blue. Something bluuuuuue. [singing] DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA-DUN-DADA DAA DAAAAA!! [Thugs push him into the closet] Don't you like Bonanza?!
View Quote
Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight-loss programs, all this week on Town Talk!
View Quote
Look up! Look down! Now look at Mr. Frying Pan! [George conks Bobbo in the face with the frying pan] Uh-oh. Bobbo fall down go boom. Uuupsy-daisy...Aw, what's wrong, Bobbo? I bet I know! You're hungry, aren't you? [Bobbo honks his horn weakly] Have I got just the thing for you! Yes sir, clowns AND kids alike just can't resist the mouth-watering, lip-smacking taste of Mrs. Hackenberger's Butter Cookies! [He proceeds to stuff Bobbo's face with "cookies," which are actually dog biscuits; George has picked up the wrong box!!] Right, Bobbo? That's right! And guess what, Mom? They're nutritious, too! Just look at how much Bobbo here likes 'em! [cut to a revolted Bobbo] Mmmm, THAT'S GOOOOOD!! [Bobbo looks ready to vomit] And don't forget folks, there's a nifty surprise inside every box of Mrs. Hackenberger's...[notices his mistake for the first time] Heh Heh Heh, UH-OHHH!! [Bobbo turns and glares at Uncle Nutzy as if to say "WHAT Uh-Oh?!?"] Bobbo's been eating...YAPPY'S DOG TREATS!! [a look of horror crosses Bobbo's face, and he runs off to the "little clowns' room."] That's right, Yappy's Dog Treats! Your dog will love that real liver-and-tuna taste... [We hear Bobbo vomiting]... With just a hint of cheese...!
View Quote
Not many people know this, but the turtle is nature's suction cup. [licks the bottom of a turtle, throws it towards the ceiling] Look. It sticks.
View Quote
Oh, Joel Miller, you just found the marble in the oatmeal! You're a very, very, very lucky little boy. You know why? You get to drink from...THE FIRE HOOOOOSE!!!
View Quote
Oh, no. What time is it!? [arm with a watch breaks through the wall, George looks at the watch] Seven THIRTY!?
View Quote
Right now I'd like to show you one of my favorite cartoons. It's a sad, depressing story about a pathetic coyote who spends every waking moment of his life in the futile pursuit of a sadistic roadrunner who MOCKS him and LAUGHS at him as he's repeatedly CRUSHED and MAIMED! [almost tearfully] Hope you ENJOY IT!!!
View Quote
Sex with furniture, what do you think?
View Quote
This is a business, not a home for irresponsible pus-brains!
View Quote
This is my ant farm. These little guys can lift fifty times their own weight. They also spend weeks digging these intricate little tunnels. And oh yeah, they really hate it when you do this! [Raul picks up the ant farm and shakes it] Oh look! They're really mad now!
View Quote
This is pretty good watermelon...[pauses and considers]...Tastes like poop. I'm gonna eat some Corn Flakes.[grabs box of Corn Flakes] These are pretty good...WHOA!! Free toy inside! Free toy inside!! Let's find it. [rummages his hand in the box] Don't let your mom know that you do this.
View Quote
Watch out, Mr. Coyote... Aww.
View Quote
WE DID IT! THE STATION'S OURS!!
View Quote
You gotta grab life by the lips and YANK as hard as you can.
View Quote
[George and Teri make up]
Teri: What do you say, stranger?
George Newman: Teri, what are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again.
Teri: Well whatever gave you that idea?
George Newman: Well, my first clue is when you told me you never wanted to see me again.
George Newman: Teri, what are you doing here? I thought you never wanted to see me again.
Teri: Well whatever gave you that idea?
George Newman: Well, my first clue is when you told me you never wanted to see me again.