Transamerica 2005 quotes

26 quotes · 5 characters
Transamerica (2005) poster
Characters
Bree Osbourne Felicity Huffman · 22 quotes
Toby Kevin Zegers · 11 quotes
Calvin Graham Greene · 3 quotes
Hipi hitch-hiker Grant Monohon · 1 quote

Most scenes together: Bree Osbourne & Toby (9), Bree Osbourne & Calvin (2), Bree Osbourne & Elizabeth Osbourne (2)

Transamerica quotes

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Murray Schupak

Are you sure you're all right, Stanley?

Fabulous. Never been better.

Murray Schupak

Stanley...

Bree. Sabrina Claire Osbourne.

Murray Schupak

Look, we're gonna need more time with that. Your mother and I both love you-- But we don't respect you.

I'll never understand why you're doing this to me.

I'm not doing anything to you. I'm gender dysphoric. It's a genetic condition.

Don't try to blame your father and me for this. [Referring to Bree's sandwich construction] You shouldn't use so much mayonnaise. Are you trying to give yourself a heart attack? Let me do that! You know what I see when l look at you? I see a lost soul crying out for help. This would never have happened if you had only come to church when you were little, instead of going off to that synagogue of your father's.

Sydney
[Appears]

Mom, Dad, there's this scruffy looking kid outside. [Observes Bree] Holy shit!

Language, Sydney!

Sydney

I don't ****in' believe it! Stanley!

Bree. Bree.

Sydney

Well, Bree, I was hopin' you'd show up one of these days, take some of the heat off me.

It's nice to see you, too.

Sydney

If that kid out there's your boyfriend, I'm gonna slit my wrists. I need to talk to you in private. Oh, my God. He is! You lucky son of a- I mean, you lucky bitch!

Your boyfriend?! That filthy teenage juvenile delinquent who came to the door a second ago is your boyfriend?

He happens to be a clean, healthy and respectable young man.

I don't want to hear any more about it. How old is he?

Oh, my God, Murray, he's underage!

Mom, he's my son.

Sydney

You're shittin' me!

Remember Emma Wilkins?

Sydney

What are you saying... is Emma here, too?

She killed herself.

Sydney

Jesus! Kinehora!

Are you trying to tell me that that boy who came to the door...

He's your grandson.

My grandson. My grandson. Oh, dear God.

He doesn't know anything, and I don't want him to.

Fasten your seatbelt.

I don't like wearing them.

Well I don't like the idea of seeing your internal organs splattered all over the dashboard if we get into a wreck, God forbid, so put it on.

I got a phone call last night from a juvenile inmate of the New York prison system. He claimed to be Stanley's son.

Margaret

No third-person.

[brief pause]

My son.

Jesus made me this way so I could suffer and be reborn the way he wanted me!

You're gonna cut your dick off for Jesus?

They don't "cut it off!" It just becomes an innie instead of an outtie.

Dr. Spikowsky

How do you feel about your penis?

It disgusts me. I don't even like looking at it.

Dr. Spikowsky

What about friends?

They don't like it either.

Dr. Spikowsky

No, I mean do you have the support of friends?

I'm very close to my therapist.

Dr. Spikowsky

What about your family?

My family is dead.

Look at your life. You've never been able to stick to a decision. I mean, 10 years of college and not a single degree. How do you know you won't change your mind about this, too?

Because I know.

Don't do this awful thing to yourself, please. I miss my son.

Mom, you never had a son.

[crying]

How can you say such a thing?

Now you know how I felt when you hired those private detectives.

We only tried to do the best for you.

Is that why you tried to have me committed?

[shouting]

You tried to kill yourself!

Because you tried to have me committed!

I don't know why you have to be so emotional.

[shouting]

I am not emotional! [normally] God, my cycle's all out of whack.

You don't have cycles!

Hormones are hormones. Yours and mine just happen to come in purple little pills.

And these shoes. Three dollars, a dollar fifty each. You know how much these things are worth in Japan?

Three dollars?

Like 500 dollars. Japanese people kill for old Nikes.

Then you probably should avoid wearing them in Japan.

Yeah, I'd probably be, like, disemboweled by a ninja.

You don't have to say "like". "Probably disemboweled by a ninja" is sufficient. And please don't put your feet up on the dashboard.

Did you know that The Lord of the Rings is gay?

I beg your pardon.

There's this big, black tower, right? And it points right at this huge burning vagina thing, and it's like the symbol of ultimate evil. And then Sam and Frodo have to go to this cave and deposit their magic ring into this hot, steaming lava pit. Only at the last minute, Frodo can't perform, so Gollum bites off his finger. Gay.

How come an Indian wears a cowboy hat?

Well, I guess it's because it keeps the sun out of my eyes better than a head band and a couple of eagle feathers.