Bree Osbourne My body may be a work in progress, but there's nothing wrong with my soul.
Played by Felicity Huffman 
Transamerica (2005) · 26 quotes
Transamerica (2005) · 26 quotes
Most-quoted character in Transamerica (2005): in 22 of its 26 quotes
Most scenes with: Toby (9), Calvin (2), Elizabeth Osbourne (2)
After her sister picks a garish outfit for Bree to wear to a family dinner
More lines from Bree Osbourne
5 quotes Bree Osbourne Bree Osbourne Shit! I mean, darn! I mean, shit!
Bree Osbourne I'm from the Church of the Potential Father
Bree Osbourne To Toby when he asks what church she's from
Bree Osbourne I'm a transsexual - not a transvestite.
Scenes with Bree Osbourne
16 scenesLook at your life. You've never been able to stick to a decision. I mean, 10 years of college and not a single degree. How do you know you won't change your mind about this, too?
Bree Osbourne Because I know.
Don't do this awful thing to yourself, please. I miss my son.
Bree Osbourne Mom, you never had a son.
Bree Osbourne Now you know how I felt when you hired those private detectives.
We only tried to do the best for you.
Bree Osbourne Is that why you tried to have me committed?
Bree Osbourne Because you tried to have me committed!
I don't know why you have to be so emotional.
Bree Osbourne [shouting]
I am not emotional! [normally] God, my cycle's all out of whack.
You don't have cycles!
Bree Osbourne Hormones are hormones. Yours and mine just happen to come in purple little pills.
Beauty is relative.
Bree Osbourne Not my relatives.
Bree Osbourne Eat your vegetables
[Toby starts eating with his hands]
Bree Osbourne And might wanna use a fork. Just an idea.
Bree Osbourne I got a phone call last night from a juvenile inmate of the New York prison system. He claimed to be Stanley's son.
Margaret No third-person.
Bree Osbourne [brief pause]
My son.
Your parents' house is a lot nicer.
Bree Osbourne My parents' house comes with my parents.
Dr. Spikowsky How do you feel about your penis?
Bree Osbourne It disgusts me. I don't even like looking at it.
Dr. Spikowsky What about friends?
Bree Osbourne They don't like it either.
Dr. Spikowsky No, I mean do you have the support of friends?
Bree Osbourne I'm very close to my therapist.
Dr. Spikowsky What about your family?
Bree Osbourne My family is dead.
Bree Osbourne Fasten your seatbelt.
I don't like wearing them.
Bree Osbourne Well I don't like the idea of seeing your internal organs splattered all over the dashboard if we get into a wreck, God forbid, so put it on.
And these shoes. Three dollars, a dollar fifty each. You know how much these things are worth in Japan?
Bree Osbourne Three dollars?
Like 500 dollars. Japanese people kill for old Nikes.
Bree Osbourne Then you probably should avoid wearing them in Japan.
Yeah, I'd probably be, like, disemboweled by a ninja.
Bree Osbourne You don't have to say "like". "Probably disemboweled by a ninja" is sufficient. And please don't put your feet up on the dashboard.
I'm out of cigarettes.
Bree Osbourne Quel dommage.
What's "quel dommage" mean?
Bree Osbourne It means you're not getting any cigarettes.
Did you know that The Lord of the Rings is gay?
Bree Osbourne I beg your pardon.
There's this big, black tower, right? And it points right at this huge burning vagina thing, and it's like the symbol of ultimate evil. And then Sam and Frodo have to go to this cave and deposit their magic ring into this hot, steaming lava pit. Only at the last minute, Frodo can't perform, so Gollum bites off his finger. Gay.
Bree Osbourne Jesus made me this way so I could suffer and be reborn the way he wanted me!
You're gonna cut your dick off for Jesus?
Bree Osbourne They don't "cut it off!" It just becomes an innie instead of an outtie.
Sydney There's this scruffy looking kid outside. If he's your boyfriend, I'm totally going to slit my wrists.
That dirty-looking boy who came to the door a second ago is your boyfriend? How old is he?
Bree Osbourne 17.
Oh, my God, Murray, he's underage!
Bree Osbourne Mom, he's my son.
Bree Have you lived all your life in New Mexico?
Not yet...
Bree Osbourne [clasps hands as if praying]
Hope not.
I'm not gonna marry you!
Bree Glory Hallelujah.
Murray Schupak Are you sure you're all right, Stanley?
Bree Osbourne Fabulous. Never been better.
Murray Schupak Stanley...
Bree Osbourne Bree. Sabrina Claire Osbourne.
Murray Schupak Look, we're gonna need more time with that. Your mother and I both love you-- But we don't respect you.
I'll never understand why you're doing this to me.
Bree Osbourne I'm not doing anything to you. I'm gender dysphoric. It's a genetic condition.
Don't try to blame your father and me for this. [Referring to Bree's sandwich construction] You shouldn't use so much mayonnaise. Are you trying to give yourself a heart attack? Let me do that! You know what I see when l look at you? I see a lost soul crying out for help. This would never have happened if you had only come to church when you were little, instead of going off to that synagogue of your father's.
Sydney [Appears]
Mom, Dad, there's this scruffy looking kid outside. [Observes Bree] Holy shit!
Language, Sydney!
Sydney I don't ****in' believe it! Stanley!
Bree Osbourne Bree. Bree.
Sydney Well, Bree, I was hopin' you'd show up one of these days, take some of the heat off me.
Bree Osbourne It's nice to see you, too.
Sydney If that kid out there's your boyfriend, I'm gonna slit my wrists. I need to talk to you in private. Oh, my God. He is! You lucky son of a- I mean, you lucky bitch!
Your boyfriend?! That filthy teenage juvenile delinquent who came to the door a second ago is your boyfriend?
Bree Osbourne He happens to be a clean, healthy and respectable young man.
I don't want to hear any more about it. How old is he?
Bree Osbourne 17.
Oh, my God, Murray, he's underage!
Bree Osbourne Mom, he's my son.
Sydney You're shittin' me!
Bree Osbourne Remember Emma Wilkins?
Sydney What are you saying... is Emma here, too?
Bree Osbourne She killed herself.
Sydney Jesus! Kinehora!
Are you trying to tell me that that boy who came to the door...
Bree Osbourne He's your grandson.
My grandson. My grandson. Oh, dear God.
Bree Osbourne He doesn't know anything, and I don't want him to.