Toby Beauty is relative.
Not my relatives.
Played by Kevin Zegers 
Transamerica (2005) · 26 quotes
Transamerica (2005) · 26 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Transamerica (2005): in 11 of its 26 quotes
Most scenes with: Bree Osbourne (9)
Scenes with Toby
11 scenes Toby Eat your vegetables
Toby [Toby starts eating with his hands]
And might wanna use a fork. Just an idea.
Toby Your parents' house is a lot nicer.
My parents' house comes with my parents.
Fasten your seatbelt.
Toby I don't like wearing them.
Well I don't like the idea of seeing your internal organs splattered all over the dashboard if we get into a wreck, God forbid, so put it on.
Toby And these shoes. Three dollars, a dollar fifty each. You know how much these things are worth in Japan?
Three dollars?
Toby Like 500 dollars. Japanese people kill for old Nikes.
Then you probably should avoid wearing them in Japan.
Toby Yeah, I'd probably be, like, disemboweled by a ninja.
You don't have to say "like". "Probably disemboweled by a ninja" is sufficient. And please don't put your feet up on the dashboard.
Toby I'm out of cigarettes.
Quel dommage.
Toby What's "quel dommage" mean?
It means you're not getting any cigarettes.
Wayne
School's gonna be closing in about fifteen minutes.
Toby Wayne, this is really hard. Do you think you could give me a hand?
Wayne
Sure - what subject?
Toby [stands, pushes down his surfer shorts]
Sex education.
Toby Did you know that The Lord of the Rings is gay?
I beg your pardon.
Toby There's this big, black tower, right? And it points right at this huge burning vagina thing, and it's like the symbol of ultimate evil. And then Sam and Frodo have to go to this cave and deposit their magic ring into this hot, steaming lava pit. Only at the last minute, Frodo can't perform, so Gollum bites off his finger. Gay.
Jesus made me this way so I could suffer and be reborn the way he wanted me!
Toby You're gonna cut your dick off for Jesus?
They don't "cut it off!" It just becomes an innie instead of an outtie.
Toby How come an Indian wears a cowboy hat?
Well, I guess it's because it keeps the sun out of my eyes better than a head band and a couple of eagle feathers.
Toby I'm not gonna marry you!
Glory Hallelujah.
