What if I can't do this job, Coleman? What if I'm not what they expected?
Coleman Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can't take that away from you.
Played by Denholm Elliott 
Trading Places (1983) · 49 quotes
Trading Places (1983) · 49 quotes
5th most-quoted character in Trading Places (1983): in 7 of its 49 quotes
Most scenes with: Billy Ray Valentine (5), Louis Winthorp III (3), Ophelia (2)
Scenes with Coleman
7 scenes Coleman [watches Louis clean his shotgun]
You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barreled shotgun 'cause you pissed at 'em.
Why not?
'Cause it's called assault with a deadly weapon, you get 20 years for that shit.
Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit.
My God! The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market!
Unless somebody stops them...
Coleman ...or beats them to it. [all turn and look at him] Egg-nog?
Coleman [offering Billy Ray a sip from his flask; they are both in Halloween costumes]
Would you like a sip of whiskey?
I do not drink, it is against my religion!
Coleman Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation.
Billy Ray is in the Jacuzzi; Coleman takes Billy Ray's street clothes and closes door
Billy Ray [from Jacuzzi]: When you think of love, does your heart go round and round?
What's he doing in there?
Coleman I believe he is singing, sir.
They're very musical people, aren't they?
Coleman What should I do with his clothes, sir?
Send them to the laundry. He'll want something nice and clean to wear to the ghetto...after I've won the bet.
Coleman Your … friends seemed to enjoy themselves, sir. In all, I'd say it was quite a success.
[disgusted]
They wasn't no "friends" of mine, Coleman. Just a bunch'a freeloaders treatin' my house like it was a goddamn zoo.
Coleman Why don't you retire, sir? You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.
Yeah...I think I will, uh, "retire."
Coleman [Louis attacks and starts choking Billy Ray, thinking he's responsible for ruining his life]
Oh, dear!
You're a DEAD MAN, Valentine!!! [Coleman and Ophelia pull him off Valentine]
[Gasping]
It was an experiment! They used us as guinea pigs, man! [Louis calms down] The Dukes used us as guinea pigs, to see how our lives would turn out. They made a bet.
Coleman I'm afraid it's true, sir.
I believe him, Louie.
The Dukes … ruined my life … over a bet. For how much?
A dollar.
One dollar. Fine. That's the way they want it? No problem.
