Derek Smalls We do not strive for perfection, because "perfection is the destination, imperfection is the journey".
4th most-quoted character in This is Spinal Tap (1984): in 8 of its 48 quotes
Most scenes with: David St. Hubbins (3), Marty DiBergi (3), Ian Faith (2)
: It's like a black mirror... you can see yourself... in both sides.
More lines from Derek Smalls
3 quotes Derek Smalls Derek Smalls That's not to say I haven't had my visionary moments. I've taken acid seventy five, seventy-six times.
Derek Smalls We're very lucky in the band in that we have two visionaries - David and Nigel. They're like poets, like Shelley and Byron. They're two distinct types of visionaries; it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water.
Scenes with Derek Smalls
4 scenes...
The last time Tap toured America, they where, uh, booked into 10,000 seat arenas, and 15,000 seat venues, and it seems that now, on their current tour they're being booked into 1,200 seat arenas, 1,500 seat arenas, and uh I was just wondering, does this mean uh...the popularity of the group is waning?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no...no, no, not at all. I, I, I just think that the.. uh.. their appeal is becoming more selective.
...
They said the album cover is a bit sexist.
Well, so what? What's wrong with being sexy?
Sexist, Nigel.
...
I don't hear anything.
Well you would though, if it were playing.
...
Yeah, I like it. I've been fooling around with it for a few months now. Very delicate.
It's a bit of a departure from what you normally play.
Yeah, well, it's part of a trilogy, a musical trilogy that I'm doing in D [pause] minor, which, I always find is really the saddest of all keys, really, I don't know why; it makes people weep instantly to play (Nigel plays, and sings)
It's a horn part.
It's very pretty.
You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of...
What do you call this?
Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".
...
Why don't you make ten a little louder, make that the top number and make that a little louder?
(pause to think it over)
These go to eleven.
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Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?
Derek Smalls Er, not really.
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Bobbi Flekman Ian, you put a greased naked woman on all fours, with a dog collar around her neck and a leash, and a man's arm extended out up to here holding the leash, and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it - you don't find that offensive? You don't find that sexist?
No, I don't! This is 1982, for God's sake...
Bobbi Flekman That's right it's 1982. Get out of the Sixties. We don't have this mentality any more.
Well you should have seen the cover they wanted to do. It wasn't a glove, believe me.
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Derek Smalls I mean, people should be envying us, you know.
I envy us.
Derek Smalls Yeah.
I do.
Derek Smalls Me too.
...
Derek Smalls [After Ian Faith has quit managing the band and stormed out]
Can I raise a practical question at this point?
What?
Derek Smalls Are we going to do "Stonehenge" tomorrow?
No, we're not gonna ****in' do "Stonehenge"!!!
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David St. Hubbins... I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name.
It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint.
Oh, there actually is, uh... there was a St. Hubbins?
That's right, yes.
What was he the saint of?
He was the patron saint of quality footwear.
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[After the failed "Stonehenge" performance regarding the undersized prop]
I think you guys are making too big a thing of this.
Derek Smalls Making a big thing of it would have been a good idea.
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Nigel gave me a drawing that said 18 inches. Now, whether or not he knows the difference between feet and inches is not my problem. I do what I'm told.
But you're not as confused as him, are you? I mean, it's not your job to be as confused as Nigel.
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We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but -
We don't literally say it.
No, we don't say it.
We don't really, literally mean it.
No, we don't believe it either, but -
But we're not racists.
But that message should be clear.
The Gospel According to Spinal Tap
This pretentious, ponderous group of rock psalms prompts the question "On what day did God create Spinal Tap, and couldn't he have rested on that day too?"
Shark Sandwich
The review you had on Shark Sandwich which was merely a two word review. Just said "Shit Sandwich."
Where did they print that?
Derek Smalls That's not real, is it?
I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.
I really think you're just making much too big a thing out of it.
Derek Smalls Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea.
Do you feel that playing rock 'n' roll music keeps you a child? That is, keeps you in a state of arrested development?
Derek Smalls No. No. No. I feel it's like, it's more like going, going to a, a national park or something. And there's, you know, they preserve the moose. And that's, that's my childhood up there on stage. That moose, you know.
So when you're playing you feel like a preserved moose on stage?
Derek Smalls Yeah.
