Marty DiBergi Hello. My name is Marty DiBergi. I'm a film-maker. I make a lot of commercials. That little dog that chases the covered wagon underneath the sink? That was mine.
AF Artie Fufkin
Do me a favor. Just kick my ass, okay? Kick this ass for a man, that's all. Kick my ass. Enjoy. Come on. I'm not asking, I'm telling with this. Kick my ass.
MM Morty the Mime
It's a kick isn't it? Well, I used to be an actor but I could never remember my lines, so I thought 'just shut up,' you know? Don't say nothing.
VS Viv Savage
Have... a... good... time... all the time.
VS Viv Savage
Quite exciting, this computer magic.
MS Mick Shrimpton
I used to say "sex, drugs, and rock and roll" ...As long as there's sex and drugs, I can do without rock and roll.
Marty DiBergi (To Derek Smalls)
So you feel like a preserved moose on stage?
Marty The last time Tap toured America, they where, uh, booked into 10,000 seat arenas, and 15,000 seat venues, and it seems that now, on their current tour they're being booked into 1,200 seat arenas, 1,500 seat arenas, and uh I was just wondering, does this mean uh...the popularity of the group is waning?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no...no, no, not at all. I, I, I just think that the.. uh.. their appeal is becoming more selective.
...
They said the album cover is a bit sexist.
Well, so what? What's wrong with being sexy?
(holding up a guitar)
The sustain, listen to it.
Marty DiBergi I don't hear anything.
Well you would though, if it were playing.
...
Marty DiBergi (Nigel Tufnel plays the piano)
It's pretty.
Yeah, I like it. I've been fooling around with it for a few months now. Very delicate.
Marty DiBergi It's a bit of a departure from what you normally play.
Yeah, well, it's part of a trilogy, a musical trilogy that I'm doing in D [pause] minor, which, I always find is really the saddest of all keys, really, I don't know why; it makes people weep instantly to play (Nigel plays, and sings)
Marty DiBergi It's very pretty.
You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of...
Marty DiBergi What do you call this?
Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".
...
Marty DiBergi Why don't you make ten a little louder, make that the top number and make that a little louder?
(pause to think it over)
These go to eleven.
...
Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?
BF Bobbi Flekman
Ian, you put a greased naked woman on all fours, with a dog collar around her neck and a leash, and a man's arm extended out up to here holding the leash, and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it - you don't find that offensive? You don't find that sexist?
No, I don't! This is 1982, for God's sake...
BF Bobbi Flekman
That's right it's 1982. Get out of the Sixties. We don't have this mentality any more.
Well you should have seen the cover they wanted to do. It wasn't a glove, believe me.
...
I mean, people should be envying us, you know.
[After Ian Faith has quit managing the band and stormed out]
Can I raise a practical question at this point?
Are we going to do "Stonehenge" tomorrow?
No, we're not gonna ****in' do "Stonehenge"!!!
...
Marty DiBergi David St. Hubbins... I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name.
It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint.
Marty DiBergi Oh, there actually is, uh... there was a St. Hubbins?
Marty DiBergi What was he the saint of?
He was the patron saint of quality footwear.
...
[After the failed "Stonehenge" performance regarding the undersized prop]
I think you guys are making too big a thing of this.
Making a big thing of it would have been a good idea.
...
Nigel gave me a drawing that said 18 inches. Now, whether or not he knows the difference between feet and inches is not my problem. I do what I'm told.
But you're not as confused as him, are you? I mean, it's not your job to be as confused as Nigel.
...
We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but -
We don't literally say it.
We don't really, literally mean it.
No, we don't believe it either, but -
But that message should be clear.
The numbers all go to 11. Look, right across the board, 11, 11, 11 and...
Marty DiBergi Oh, I see. And most amps go up to 10?
Marty DiBergi Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not 10. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at 10. You're on 10 here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on 10 on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi I don't know.
Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi Put it up to 11.
Marty DiBergi Why don't you make 10 a little louder, make that the top number and make that a little louder?
