Recruiter Now, are either of you homosexuals?
You mean like flaming?
Recruiter Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.
No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.
Yeah . . . Would they send us someplace special?
John Winger
Bill Murray · 34 quotes
Sgt. Hulka
Warren Oates · 27 quotes
Russell Ziskey
Harold Ramis · 15 quotes
Capt. Stillman
John Larroquette · 8 quotes
Cruiser
John Diehl · 5 quotes
Dewey Oxburger
5 quotes
Most scenes together: John Winger & Sgt. Hulka (17), John Winger & Russell Ziskey (9), Russell Ziskey & Sgt. Hulka (8)
Stripes quotes
Page 2 of 4 Recruiter Recruiter John, do you think I'm officer material?
God, I'm worried about you.
Come on! I'm in good shape, I'm walking tall, I'm looking good. First weekend in Europe.
Yeah. We're spending it in an airplane hangar... guarding a truck!
We've got each other.
You could join a monastery.
Did you ever see a monk get wildly **** by some teenage girls?
Never.
So much for the monastery.
[tackling Winger who is trying to escape]
Where do you think you're going? Are you going AWOL? Are you going AWOL?
No, I'm deserting.
You idiot! You desert now, it's a federal offense!
I'll take my chances with the feds!
You're not going anywhere! You listen to me! You're gonna finish basic training! You're gonna keep your mouth shut, and you're gonna do everything he tells you! You know why?
Why?
Because you talked me into this, you idiot! It was your idea!
I didn't talk you into this. You NEEDED this.
[drags John back to the ground]
I'm gonna kill you, damn you! Where's the great pay? Where's the travel? Where's the Winnebago, Goddamnit!
Do the words "Act of War" mean anything to you?
I have a plan.
Great! Custer had a plan.
Sergeant Hulka
Men, welcome to the United States Army. I'm Sergeant Hulka. I'm your drill sergeant. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. It's just you, me, and Uncle Sam. And before I leave you, you're gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one in the same.
Uncle Hulka?
Sergeant Hulka
Now, since nobody else has got the guts...
Sergeant Hulka
[turns to John]
...to admit it, the rest of this platoon... will do the next two weekends on KP.
Sergeant Hulka
[soldiers groan]
How's that sound to you, mister?
I think it sucks.
Sergeant Hulka
Okay, Mr. Push-ups, let's hear your story.
Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual. But now I know why I have always lost women to guys like you. I mean, it's not just the uniform. It's the stories that you tell. So much fun and imagination.
[points to the soldier next to him]
Lee Harvey, you are a madman. When you stole that cow, and your friend tried to make it with the cow. I want to party with you, cowboy. But the two of us together? Forget it! I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I'm gonna volunteer my leadership to this platoon. An army without leaders is like a foot without a big toe. And Sergeant Hulka isn't always gonna be here to be that big toe for us. I think that we owe a big round of applause to our newest, bestest buddy, and big toe... Sergeant Hulka.
Sergeant Hulka
[the soldiers start clapping]
Well, okay, hotshot. We're gonna see what kind of soldier you are.
Sergeant Hulka
Soldier, I've noticed that you're always last.
I'm pacing myself, Sergeant.
Sergeant Hulka
We got a full day ahead of us. We're gonna start out with a five-mile run.
[Soldiers groan]
I know that I'm speaking for the entire platoon when I say this run should be postponed until this platoon is better rested.
Sergeant Hulka
Well, I'll tell you what, soldier. Let's make it ten miles.
Sergeant Hulka
When I tell you move, you'll move fast. When I tell you to jump, you're gonna say, "How high?" And make no mistake. I don't care where you come from, I don't care what color you are, I don't care how smart you are, I don't care how dumb you are, 'cause I'm gonna teach every last one of you how to eat, sleep, walk, talk, shoot, shit like a United States soldier. Understand?
Yes, sir.
Sergeant Hulka
You don't say "sir" to me, I'm a sergeant, I work for a living.
Soldiers
Yes, sergeant!
Sergeant Hulka
I didn't hear you!
Soldiers
YES, SERGEANT!
Sergeant Hulka
That's what I wanna hear.
Do you think this guy's over-doing it a bit?
Maybe you'd like to take a swing at me.
I 'd like to take a big swing at you, sarge.
Well, go ahead and give it your best shot.
I don't think I want to go to the stockade.
I'll take my hat off. There we are, Winger. Ain't no more drill sergeant. It's just you and me, kid, man to man. So go ahead, give it your best shot. Swing at me. Gutless. Punk.
[Winger fakes, then tries to hit Sgt. Hulka, who ducks and punches Winger in his stomach, dropping him to his knees, gasping for breath.] [putting his hat back on]
I'm willing to forget this little incident. And I want you to think real hard about it. And maybe someday you'll understand what the hell I'm talking about.
Men, welcome to the United States Army. I'm Sergeant Hulka. I'm your drill sergeant. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. It's just you, me, and Uncle Sam. And before I leave you, you're gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one and the same.
[Some of the men snicker]
When I tell you to move, you'll move fast. When I tell you to jump, you're gonna say, "How high?" And make no mistake. I don't care where you come from, I don't care what color you are, I don't care how smart you are, I don't care how dumb you are, 'cause I'm gonna teach every last one of you how to eat, sleep, walk, talk, shoot, shit like a United States soldier. Understand!?
Yes, sir?
I didn't hear you.
Soldiers
Yes, sir.
You don't say 'sir' to me, I'm a Sergeant, I work for a living!
Soldiers
Yes, Sergeant.
I didn't hear you!
Soldiers
YES, SERGEANT!!
Now that's what I wanna hear!
No problem, Sergeant
On your feet, boy.
I was just making a joke, Sergeant.
Well why don't you tell me your joke, son?
I don't think you'd think it's funny, Sergeant.
How do you know? I got a hell of a sense of humor. Ain't I, Corporal Briggs?
Cpl. Briggs
Yes, Sergeant!
Corporal Briggs, we have a comedian in our midst. Will you take this comedian outside and watch him do fifty push-ups?
Cpl. Briggs
[Ushering Winger outside]
Get your goat-smelling ass outta here!!
MOVE IT! HUT! HO! HUT! [Addressing the rest of the soldiers] Anybody else gonna be a comedian in here!?
Soldiers
No, Sergeant!
I didn't hear you!!
Soldiers
NO, SERGEANT!!
Gen. Barnicke [Winger and his platoon have just arrived late for graduation]
Where the hell have you been, soldier?
Traaaaaaaining, sir!
Soldiers
Training, sir!
Gen. Barnicke What kind of training, son?
Aaaaaaarmy training, sir!
Soldiers
Army training, sir!
[laughter]
Platoon, just like last night, only better! [leading them through drill] And...right shoulder, ho! Order, ho! Sidestep, right! Why did the chicken cross the road?
Soldiers To get from the left to the right!
Right!
Soldiers
Hey! Hey! Hut!
He stepped out of rank, got hit by a tank!
Soldiers
He ain't no chicken no more!
Winger, Soldiers
No!
Left flank, left! Queen Anne salute! Three...five...seven...port, ho! Razzle-dazzle!
Winger, Soldiers
Hut, two, three, four! Hut, two, three, four! The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog! [completing drill] Sir!
Gen. Barnicke [applause]
Where's your drill sergeant, men?
Blown up, sir!
Soldiers
Blown up, sir!
Yes, sir, these are Sgt. Hulka's men. He was injured during basic training.
Gen. Barnicke I see. So am I to understand that you men completed your training on your own?
That's the fact, Jack!
Soldiers
That's the fact, Jack!
Gen. Barnicke Captain?
Yes, sir.
Gen. Barnicke These are exactly the kind of go-getters I want working on my EM-50 project in Italy.
But, sir, these men are--
Gen. Barnicke Don't "but" me, Captain. I want them on the plane. Tonight!
Gentlemen, it's party time, Italian style!