Spaceballs quotes

View Quote (Spaceball 1's radar has been jammed.) Radar Technichan: [Through P.A to Col. Sandurz] Sir! [Sandurz and Dark Helmet look over] Can I see you for a minute, please sir?
[Sandurz and Helmet walk over]
Sandurz:What is it Private?
Radar Technichan: [Still through the P.A] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
[Sandurz grabs the microphone the Technichan was just using]
Sandurz: You don't need that, lieutenant. We're here. Now what is it?
Radar Technician: [Still through the P.A] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.
[Helemet rips the microphone from the console and throws it aside.]
Dark Helmet: Now what is it?!
Radar Technician: [Normally] I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
Dark Helmet: What's wrong with it?!
Radar Technician: I've lost the bleeps, I lost the sweeps, and I lost the creeps.
Dark Helmet: The what?
Colonel Sandurz: The what?
Dark Helmet: And the what?
Radar Techician: You know, the bleeps... [Makes beeping noise]... the sweeps... [Makes vibrating noise] and the creeps. [Makes squeaking noise]
Dark Helmet: [Quietly, to Sandurz] That's not all he's lost.
Radar Technician: Wait, sir! The radar, sir! It appears to be... [Jam starts flowing through the computer screen] jammed!
Dark Helmet: Jammed... [Examines the jam and tastes it] Raspberry. There's only one man... [Sandurz gets out of the way of the approaching camera] ...who would dare give me the raspberry! [Pulls his mask down] Lone Starr! [Walks into the camera and collapses]

View Quote Dark helmet: [about to enter a pod when a lady with a beard cuts in front of him] Hey hey hey, that's my pod, who are you?
Bearded Lady: I am the bearded lady! What are you, one of the freaks?! [kicks him; and gets in the pod laughing]
Dark Helmet: Wait! Wait! No! [the pod ejects] COME BACK HERE YOU FAT BEARDED BITCH!!

View Quote Lone Starr: I still don't understand how I'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring.
Yogurt: Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!

View Quote ↑ Saying that in another way, Dark Helmet is the former roommate of Lone Starr's first or second cousin. He could be Lone Starr's former roommate as well, but that's unlikely. It could also be that his father's brother (uncle) has a nephew through his wife, whose cousin would therefore not be a blood relative of Lone Starr's, making the roommate connection all the more ludicrous.

View Quote ↑ John Hurt played Executive Officer Kane in the 1979 film Alien. In the film, an alien popped out of Hurt's chest, thus the line "not again!".

View Quote Colonel Sandurz: I don't know. They must have hyperjets on that thing!
Dark Helmet: And what have we got on this thing, a Cuisinart?!
Colonel Sandurz: No, sir!
Dark Helmet: Well find them, catch them!
Colonel Sandurz: Yes sir! Prepare ship for light speed!
Dark Helmet: No-no-no, light speed is too slow!
Colonel Sandurz: Light speed too slow?
Dark Helmet: Yes, we'll have to go right to...ludicrous speed!
[The entire crew gasps.]
Colonel Sandurz: Ludicrous speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if this ship can take it!
Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz... chicken?
Colonel Sandurz: [stuttering] Prepare ship--prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seat belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall! Cancel the three ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo...
Dark Helmet: Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer! Now hear this! Ludicrous speed!
Colonel Sandurz: Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?
Dark Helmet: Aw, buckle this! Ludicrous speed! Go!!