Sister Act (1992) · 19 quotes
Bless you!
Deloris Van Cartier
Bless us, O Lord, for these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive...and...yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of no food...I will fear no hunger. We want you to...give us this day our daily bread, and to the republic for which it stands. By the power invested in me I now pronounce us ready to eat. Amen.
Who can name all the apostles?
Yes, Deloris?
Deloris
John, Paul, George, and... Ringo!
Deloris Wilson, you are the most unruly, disobedient girl in this school. Now, I want you to march right up to that blackboard and write the names of all the apostles alphabetically.
This is enough! You are hopeless, and I wash my hands of you. Mark my words, Deloris, if you continue on this disruptive track, it will lead straight to the devil! Have you any idea what girls like you become?
[Deloris says nothing, but smiles]
Eddie
Can I call you Deloris?
Deloris
You can call me anything you want as long as you keep me alive.
Deloris
What am I gonna do here? I'm gonna go crazy! There's nothing but a lot of white women dressed as nuns! What am I gonna do here?
Eddie
Pray.
Deloris
Pray?
Eddie
Nice church, huh?
Deloris
Yes, very nice. Look, what am I gonna be? Quasimodo in the belfry? What is this?
Eddie
I want you to stay here for a while.
Deloris
Where?
Eddie
In the convent. It's the safest place in the world. You think Vince is gonna look for you in a convent?
Deloris
Wh... in the what?
Eddie
The convent.
Deloris
You must be out of your... You know what? I'm gonna go back and work this out with Vince. You're a lunatic! I'm not gonna be in no damn convent with these people. These people don't even have sex!
Deloris
Oh, no! No, no, no! I can't do this. I'm sorry. This is fine for covering a little bulge, but now I've got holster hips.
Reverend Mother
People wish to kill you. Anyone who's met you I imagine. A disguise is necessary to protect us all. While you are here you will conduct yourself as a nun. Only I will know who and what you truly are. You will draw no attention to yourself whatsoever.
Deloris
But look at me! I'm a nun! I'm a-- I'm a penguin!
Reverend Mother
As from now and until you leave you are Sister Mary Clarence.
Deloris
Mary Clarence? Like Clarence Williams III from The Mod Squad?
Reverend Mother
Mary is in deference to our Holy Mother. Clarence is in honor of Saint Clarence of Concordia. There are three vows every nun must accept. The vow of Poverty.
Deloris
Mmm-hmm...
Reverend Mother
The vow of Obedience...
Deloris
Mmm-hmm...
Reverend Mother
And the vow of Chastity.
Deloris
I am outta here with that.
Deloris
Oh, man!
Reverend Mother says Mary Clarence's background is in music.
Sister Mary Patrick
Really, Mary Clarence. Were you a choir mistress?
Deloris
Sort of freelance.
Freelance? Really? Oh, you don't think I see. You think I took vows yesterday? I know what you're up to. You and Reverend Mother.
Deloris
What?
You're a ringer! She brought you here to replace me! Out with the old.
Deloris The next thing you have to learn how to do is listen to each other. That's a big key. Big key! You must listen to listen to each other, if you're going to be a group.
I knew that.
Deloris
Mary Lazarus, as soon as I walked through the door, I knew that you knew this. Now, you're somebody who's into hard work and discipline, aren't you?
Of course. I'm a nun. Four Popes now.
Deloris
4?! Wow! How often do they rehearse?
Twice a week, couple hours.
Deloris
Not enough. I mean, listen to 'em. They really need a lotta work! They gotta rehearse every day.
She's good. Do you think they could get better?
Deloris
I don't know. They pretty raw.
Wet behind the ears.
Sister Mary Patrick
Oh, please, let us try.
Deloris
This is gonna be hell.
Tell me about it.
I'd rather sing then do anything.
Sister Mary Patrick
It's better then ice cream.
It's better than springtime.
Deloris
Better than sex. [the other nuns react] No. No. I've heard.
What is she doing?
Oh my God, she's praying.
Deloris
Lord, I want you to forgive Willy and Joey, because they know not what they do. They're only doin' what Vince told 'em to do, because Vince is too chicken to do it himself! So he's called upon these two men to take care of his business! So I want you to forgive them, Lord. Espectum, espertum, cacoomb, toutu, eplubium. Amen!
Amen.
[Deloris whacks them in their crotches and darts off]
Reverend Mother
Girl groups?! Boogie-woogie on the piano?! What were you thinking?!
Deloris
I was thinkin' more like Vegas. Y'know, get some butts in the seats.
Reverend Mother
And what next? Popcorn? Curtain calls? This is not a theater or a casino.
Deloris
Yeah, but that's the problem. See, people like going to theaters, and they like going to casinos. But they don't like coming to church. Why? Because it's a drag. But we could change all that. See, we could-- We could pack this joint.
Reverend Mother
Through blasphemy?! You have corrupted the entire choir!
Excuse me.
Deloris
How can you say that?! I worked my butt off with these women! They've given up their free time to do this, and they're GOOD! I mean, Sister, we could-- We could ROCK this place!
Reverend Mother
OUT of the question! As of tomorrow, Mary Lazarus resumes her leadership of the choir.
Reverend Mother
COME IN!!
