Sister Act 1992 quotes

I noticed that you're movin' your mouth, but nothin's coming out. So I'd like to just hear you by yourself, if you don't mind. Sister Alma, can you give me an A, please?

ALMA! [stomps her foot; Sister Alma reacts] Check your battery! Give me an A, please.

Okay. Try this. Close your eyes. Visualize yourself in room full of people, lots of silverware, people dropping stuff, talking loud, drunks, women with trays goin' "Whattaya gonna have?!". Your voice has to carry over the din. You have to get up over all of that to be heard in the back of the room where I'm sitting, listening, straining to hear you. Okay? Keep that in your mind when we do this.

Deloris

Oh, no! No, no, no! I can't do this. I'm sorry. This is fine for covering a little bulge, but now I've got holster hips.

Reverend Mother

People wish to kill you. Anyone who's met you I imagine. A disguise is necessary to protect us all. While you are here you will conduct yourself as a nun. Only I will know who and what you truly are. You will draw no attention to yourself whatsoever.

Deloris

But look at me! I'm a nun! I'm a-- I'm a penguin!

Reverend Mother

As from now and until you leave you are Sister Mary Clarence.

Deloris

Mary Clarence? Like Clarence Williams III from The Mod Squad?

Reverend Mother

Mary is in deference to our Holy Mother. Clarence is in honor of Saint Clarence of Concordia. There are three vows every nun must accept. The vow of Poverty.

Deloris

Mmm-hmm...

Reverend Mother

The vow of Obedience...

Deloris

Mmm-hmm...

Reverend Mother

And the vow of Chastity.

Deloris

I am outta here with that.

Deloris

Oh, man!

Deloris

What am I gonna do here? I'm gonna go crazy! There's nothing but a lot of white women dressed as nuns! What am I gonna do here?

Eddie

Pray.

Deloris

Pray?

Eddie

Can I call you Deloris?

Deloris

You can call me anything you want as long as you keep me alive.

Eddie

Nice church, huh?

Deloris

Yes, very nice. Look, what am I gonna be? Quasimodo in the belfry? What is this?

Eddie

I want you to stay here for a while.

Deloris

Where?

Eddie

In the convent. It's the safest place in the world. You think Vince is gonna look for you in a convent?

Deloris

Wh... in the what?

Eddie

The convent.

Deloris

You must be out of your... You know what? I'm gonna go back and work this out with Vince. You're a lunatic! I'm not gonna be in no damn convent with these people. These people don't even have sex!

Reverend Mother

Girl groups?! Boogie-woogie on the piano?! What were you thinking?!

Deloris

I was thinkin' more like Vegas. Y'know, get some butts in the seats.

Reverend Mother

And what next? Popcorn? Curtain calls? This is not a theater or a casino.

Deloris

Yeah, but that's the problem. See, people like going to theaters, and they like going to casinos. But they don't like coming to church. Why? Because it's a drag. But we could change all that. See, we could-- We could pack this joint.

Reverend Mother

Through blasphemy?! You have corrupted the entire choir!

Excuse me.

Deloris

How can you say that?! I worked my butt off with these women! They've given up their free time to do this, and they're GOOD! I mean, Sister, we could-- We could ROCK this place!

Reverend Mother

OUT of the question! As of tomorrow, Mary Lazarus resumes her leadership of the choir.

Reverend Mother

COME IN!!

I'd rather sing then do anything.

Sister Mary Patrick

It's better then ice cream.

It's better than springtime.

Deloris

Better than sex. [the other nuns react] No. No. I've heard.

Reverend Mother says Mary Clarence's background is in music.

Sister Mary Patrick

Really, Mary Clarence. Were you a choir mistress?

Deloris

Sort of freelance.

Freelance? Really? Oh, you don't think I see. You think I took vows yesterday? I know what you're up to. You and Reverend Mother.

Deloris

What?

You're a ringer! She brought you here to replace me! Out with the old.

Joey, do it.

I can't, Vince. She's still a nun.

She's a broad. Y'got it? Just a broad!

Reverend Mother

I guarantee you she is no broad! She is Sister Mary Clarence of St. Katherine's convent. She's a model of generosity, virtue, and love! You have my word for it, gentlemen, she is a nun!

Ya hear that? Now, aren't you glad we didn't shoot her?

What is she doing?

Oh my God, she's praying.

Deloris

Lord, I want you to forgive Willy and Joey, because they know not what they do. They're only doin' what Vince told 'em to do, because Vince is too chicken to do it himself! So he's called upon these two men to take care of his business! So I want you to forgive them, Lord. Espectum, espertum, cacoomb, toutu, eplubium. Amen!

Amen.
[Deloris whacks them in their crotches and darts off]

Who can name all the apostles?

Yes, Deloris?

Deloris

John, Paul, George, and... Ringo!

Deloris Wilson, you are the most unruly, disobedient girl in this school. Now, I want you to march right up to that blackboard and write the names of all the apostles alphabetically.

This is enough! You are hopeless, and I wash my hands of you. Mark my words, Deloris, if you continue on this disruptive track, it will lead straight to the devil! Have you any idea what girls like you become?
[Deloris says nothing, but smiles]

You took a vow of hospitality for all in need.

Reverend Mother

I lied.

How can you let them grill me for 6 hours?!

Hey, I can't control how long they're gonna question you.

You went to law school, Larry.

Yes, I went to law school, Vince.

Did you graduate?!

I'm a lawyer. Of course I graduated.

Deloris The next thing you have to learn how to do is listen to each other. That's a big key. Big key! You must listen to listen to each other, if you're going to be a group.

I knew that.

Deloris

Mary Lazarus, as soon as I walked through the door, I knew that you knew this. Now, you're somebody who's into hard work and discipline, aren't you?

Of course. I'm a nun. Four Popes now.

Deloris

4?! Wow! How often do they rehearse?

Twice a week, couple hours.

Deloris

Not enough. I mean, listen to 'em. They really need a lotta work! They gotta rehearse every day.

She's good. Do you think they could get better?

Deloris

I don't know. They pretty raw.

Wet behind the ears.

Sister Mary Patrick

Oh, please, let us try.

Deloris

This is gonna be hell.

Tell me about it.

Reverend Mother

That is not a person you can hide, that is a conspicuous person designed to stick out.