Come on. We're late.
No, you're late. I'm just riding with you.
Adult Joe Wenteworth (Narrator)
Jim Carrey · 37 quotes
Simon Birch
Ian Michael Smith · 22 quotes
Rev. Russell
David Strathairn · 5 quotes
Marjorie
Cecilley Carroll · 3 quotes
Miss Leavey
Jan Hooks · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Adult Joe Wenteworth (Narrator) & Simon Birch (20), Adult Joe Wenteworth (Narrator) & Rev. Russell (5), Simon Birch & Rev. Russell (5)
Simon Birch quotes
Page 1 of 3Okay, you grabbed her boobs, and you pulled her into the manger. Big deal. It could've happened to anybody. Well, maybe not anybody.
What is it?
Joe Wentworth
C'mon Si, all the girls think your cute.
They think I'm cute like a baby turtle. Girls don't kiss baby turtles.
Didn't your mother ever tell you to keep quiet during mass? What am I saying? Of course she didn't. Your parents don't go to church, do they, Simon? That's because they don't belong here, Simon. And neither do you. Speaking out of turn, disrupting the class, saying that God has a special plan for you? What kind of nonsense is that?
Rebecca Wenteworth [Furiously bursts into the classroom, having heard the whole thing]
And what kind of nonsense is this?!
Hello, Rebecca...
Rebecca Wenteworth Come on, Simon.
No, wait, I was teaching him a lesson!
Rebecca [Joe and Simon lean against the door to hear the argument between Rebecca and Leavey on the other side]
What lessons? Humiliation?
Oh, man! This is so boss!
This is all my fault.
Don't take all the credit, she's my mom.
...telling the other children that he's some kind of hero, that he's God's instrument!
Rebecca Wenteworth And who's to say he isn't?
Who do you think would win in a fight?
Tough say. Miss Leavey's meaner, but she's a smoker. Your mom can outlast her.
We can't have him talking that way. It frightens the other children.
Rebecca Wenteworth Oh, I think the only one who's frightened here is you, Miss Leavey.
What? Why would I be afraid of little Simon Birch?
Rebecca Wenteworth Because that child has more faith than you'll ever know.
Help. Please. I'm gonna strangle him. I swear to God I'm gonna strangle that little granite mouse if it's the last thing I do.
Okay, is everybody ready for dress rehearsal?
No.
What now, Simon?
[Points to the turtledove costumes, which look like winged mutant turtles]
What are those?
They're turtledoves.
They look like they're from outer space! The audience won't know what they are!
They're doves, Simon! The audience knows what a dove is!
They're giant doves! They're as big as half a donkey. They're actually kind of frightening.
Mr. Birch
Simon's sick.
I know.
Mr. Birch
So was I when I heard what he did last night. The whole town's talkin' about it. What a little screw-up.
Hey, your son is not a screw-up. He's a hero.
Mr. Birch
What the hell are you talkin' about?
I said he's a hero. And you don't deserve him. I want you to know that.
Rebecca Wenteworth Do your thing, Simon! Show 'em how it's done!
Oh, Simon. What happened to tonight?
I don't know. Sex makes people crazy.
Simon, what do you think you're doing sitting in a corner?
Thinking about God.
In a corner?
Faith is not in a floor plan.
Does God have a plan for us?
I like to think He does.
-Me too. I think God made me the way I am for a reason.
Well, I'm glad that, um, that your faith, uh, helps you deal with your, um...you know, your, your condition.
That's not what I mean. I think I'm God's instrument - that He's gonna use me to carry out His plan.
I want to know that there's a reason for things. I used to be certain, but now I'm not so sure. I want you to tell me that God has a plan for me, a plan for all of us. Please.
I was just thinking.
Yeah?
Last year we played in the Squirt League, right?
Uh-huh.
And this year we're in the Peewees.
So?
Do they want us to play baseball or urinate? [silence] Anyway, I was just thinking.