Miss Leavey Help. Please. I'm gonna strangle him. I swear to God I'm gonna strangle that little granite mouse if it's the last thing I do.
Played by Jan Hooks 
Simon Birch (1998) · 40 quotes
Simon Birch (1998) · 40 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Simon Birch (1998): in 3 of its 40 quotes
Most scenes with: Simon Birch (2)
Scenes with Miss Leavey
3 scenes Miss Leavey Miss Leavey Didn't your mother ever tell you to keep quiet during mass? What am I saying? Of course she didn't. Your parents don't go to church, do they, Simon? That's because they don't belong here, Simon. And neither do you. Speaking out of turn, disrupting the class, saying that God has a special plan for you? What kind of nonsense is that?
Rebecca Wenteworth [Furiously bursts into the classroom, having heard the whole thing]
And what kind of nonsense is this?!
Miss Leavey Hello, Rebecca...
Rebecca Wenteworth Come on, Simon.
Miss Leavey No, wait, I was teaching him a lesson!
Rebecca [Joe and Simon lean against the door to hear the argument between Rebecca and Leavey on the other side]
What lessons? Humiliation?
Oh, man! This is so boss!
This is all my fault.
Don't take all the credit, she's my mom.
Miss Leavey ...telling the other children that he's some kind of hero, that he's God's instrument!
Rebecca Wenteworth And who's to say he isn't?
Who do you think would win in a fight?
Tough say. Miss Leavey's meaner, but she's a smoker. Your mom can outlast her.
Miss Leavey We can't have him talking that way. It frightens the other children.
Rebecca Wenteworth Oh, I think the only one who's frightened here is you, Miss Leavey.
Miss Leavey What? Why would I be afraid of little Simon Birch?
Rebecca Wenteworth Because that child has more faith than you'll ever know.
Miss Leavey Okay, is everybody ready for dress rehearsal?
No.
Miss Leavey What now, Simon?
[Points to the turtledove costumes, which look like winged mutant turtles]
What are those?
Miss Leavey They're turtledoves.
They look like they're from outer space! The audience won't know what they are!
Miss Leavey They're doves, Simon! The audience knows what a dove is!
They're giant doves! They're as big as half a donkey. They're actually kind of frightening.
