Dave Lyons Well excusez-moi, monsieur hot shit!
Most-quoted character in See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989): in 20 of its 28 quotes
Most scenes with: Wally Karew (13)
Today, I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection. That doesn't happen every day.
More lines from Dave Lyons
3 quotes Dave Lyons Dave Lyons We're in a warehouse, and you just hit a cow. I think we better back up.
Dave Lyons Did she say ship, or shit?
Scenes with Dave Lyons
16 scenes Dave Tell me the first thing that pops in your head.
Pussy!
Dave And then one day, my wife turned into this remarkable creature that could sit on the end of a broomstick and take off. She could actually achieve flight.
I think I was married to that woman once.
Dave Small world.
Hotel Clerk
Dr. Kesselring, we thought you wouldn't make it, did you have trouble with your visa?
Dave Yes, and then suddenly they excepted American Express.
Yes, don't go home without it.
Okay, no more bullshit. [to Dave, talking fast] Was there or wasn't there a woman?
Dave Are you serious?
Yes, I'm goddamn serious.
Dave Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?
What the hell is he talking about?
He reads lips. You're talking too fast.
Dave [to Captain Braddock, talking slowly]
Yes. There was... a wom-an... pres-ent.
Dave You swear an awful lot.
You're ****-A right!
Dave Who are you talking to?
I'm talking to you, you prick.
Dave Why don't you look me in the eye and say that?
I would if I could but I can't, I'm blind.
Dave You're blind?
Yes, I'm blind. What are you, **** deaf?
Dave YES! I'M **** DEAF!
You're really deaf?
Dave I'm really deaf.
Then how do you know what I'm saying?
Dave Because I'm reading your lips. Now you want the job or not?
Where are we?
Dave Probably on our way to New Jersey by now.
No kidding! I got family in there! Do you want to come with me?
Dave Of course. You've earned my trust, Wally. You've been a very good friend to me these past couple days. You're always there for me. You never get me into trouble. Sometimes it seems a bit boring but that's a small price to pay for such a wonderful friendship.
That's beautiful, Dave. Do you mean everything you just said?
Dave I'll tell you how I really feel in about a minute or two. Right now, I'm a little overwhelmed by the STINK of the seven tons of garbage that you drove us into!
Is THAT what it is? I thought you let one go! That's why I didn't say anything!
Dave That's very kind of you! Thank you!
These streets are bumpy.
Dave You're driving on the sidewalk!
Adele
I think David got a little messed up.
Dave What did she say?
She said she thinks you're an asshole!
Dave [Dave doesn't hold up any fingers]
How many fingers am I holding up in front of your eyes right now?
Three!
Dave That's good. That's pretty good, considering that he's blind.
Dave Wally! I heard you! I heard your voice!
Hooray! You can hear me!
Dave What?
You can hear me!
Dave [shouts]
No, schmuck. I'm deaf! I'm deaf! Now do you get it?
Dave ****-A. Something bothers you, **** it. Your wife leaves you, **** her. Your boss fires you, **** him. ****-A. **** them. Right?
You're **** right!
Dave It's a gift to be able to do that.
Dave Wally! He could put a hole through your *head*, Wally!
****** him and his holes!
Dr. Cornfeld
WHO are you, sir?
Dave [misreading Cornfeld's lips]
Fine, thank you!
Dave [to Raoul]
Stop right there or I'll throw this knife through your head! I mean it! I throw your brains out!
Cop with Bullhorn
[to Raoul]
Freeze!
Dave [to Raoul]
That's more like it! Now put your hand up!
Cop with Bullhorn
[to Raoul]
Put your hands in the air!
Dave [to Raoul]
Oh, so you do speak English!
Reporter
Do you really think you can stop Khomeini?
Dave Not if it's funny.
