The Royal Tenenbaums quotes

View Quote Eli: How's Richie?
Margot: I don't know. I can't tell.
Eli: Yeah, me neither. He wrote me a letter. He says he's in love with you.
Margot: What are you talking about?
Eli: That's what he said. I don't know how we're supposed to take it.

View Quote Eli: I'm very sorry, Margot.
Margot: It's okay. We're not actually related anyway.
Eli: True.

View Quote Eli: You never even gave me the time of day till I started getting good reviews.
Margot: Your reviews weren't that good.
Eli: But the sales are.

View Quote Richie: Did you tell Margot about that letter I wrote to you?
Eli: Why? Did she mention it? Yes, I did. Why would she repeat that?
Richie: I would ask you the same question.

View Quote Eli: What'd you say?
Richie: Hmm? I didn't say anything.
Eli: When? Right now?

View Quote Eli: I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her. She's married you know.
Richie: Yeah.
Eli: And she's your sister.
Richie: Adopted.

View Quote Royal: I'm dying, baby. I'm sick as a dog. I'll be dead in six weeks. I'm dying.
Ethel: What are you talking about? What happened? Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I didn't know. What'd they say? What's the prognosis?
Royal: Take it easy, Ethel. Hold on. Hold on.
Ethel: Where's the doctor? Let's get -
Royal: Wait a second. Listen. I'm not dying. But I need some time. A month. Maybe two. I want us to -
Ethel: What's wrong with you?
Royal: Ethel.
Ethel: Go away!
Royal: Baby. I am dying.
Ethel: Are you or aren't you?
Royal: Dying? Yes.

View Quote Royal: I got a pretty bad case of cancer.
Chas: [yawns] How long you gonna last?
Royal: Not long.
Chas: A month? A year?
Royal: About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anything.
[Chas scoffs and mock laughs] Oh ho! Ho ho!
Royal: Chas, let me finish here! I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas: No.
Royal: Do you speak for everyone?
Chas: I speak for myself.
Royal: Well you've had your say, now it's someone else's turn.

View Quote Young Chas Tenenbaum: [about Margot's play] What'd you think, Dad?
Royal: Didn't seem believable to me.
Royal: [to Eli] Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here?
Young Richie Tenenbaum: He has permission to sleep over.
Young Chas Tenenbaum: Well, did you at least think the characters were well developed?
Royal: What characters? It's just a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes.
Young Margot Tenenbaum: Good night, everyone.
Royal: Well, sweetie, don't get mad at me. That's just one man's opinion.

View Quote [Royal tells his children of his impending divorce]
Richie: Is it because of us?
Royal: Well, of course, certain sacrifices had to be made as a result of having children. But lord, no.

View Quote Uzi Tenenbaum: Who's your father?
Chas: His name is Royal Tenenbaum.
Ari: You told us he was already dead.
Chas: Yeah, well now he's really dying.

View Quote Royal: [motions to Pagoda] He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago. I was knifed at a bazaar in Calcutta, and he carried me to the hospital on his back.
Ari: Who stabbed you?
Royal: [motions to Pagoda again] He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me in the gut with a shiv...

View Quote Royal: Are you trying to steal my woman?
Henry Sherman: I beg your pardon?
Royal: You heard me, Coltrane.
Henry Sherman: "Coltrane"?
Royal: What?
Henry Sherman: Did you just call me Coltrane?
Royal: No.
Henry Sherman: You didn't?
Royal: No.
Henry Sherman: Okay...

View Quote Chas: Please! Mr. Sherman, this is a family matter.
Margot: Don't talk to him like that.
Henry Sherman: Call me Henry.
Chas: I prefer Mr. Sherman.
Ethel: Call him Henry.
Chas: Why? I don't know him that well.
Ethel: You've known him for ten years.
Chas: Yes, as your accountant, Mr. Sherman.

View Quote Richie: [referring to Royal] I think he's very lonely. Lonelier than he lets on. Maybe lonelier than he even realizes.
Ethel: Have you spoken to him about this?
Richie: Briefly. And he agreed that -
Chas: I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little confused here. What are you suggesting?
Richie: That he come here and stay in my room.
Chas: Are you out of your mind?
Richie: No. I'm not. Anyway I think he'd be much more comfortable here than at -
Chas: Who gives a shit?
Richie: I do.
Chas: You poor sucker. You poor, washed up papa's boy.