Miguel Alright, Cuba!
More lines from Miguel
17 quotes Miguel Miguel So uh, how... how's the escape plan coming?
Miguel [While cutting down vines]
The trail that we'll blaze... [Vines fall to reveal a rock wall, and Miguel points to the distance to the left] THAT trail that we'll blaze!
Miguel [After Tulio stops the volcano]
Don't make me start it up again, 'cause I will.
Miguel Tulio relax. All you have to do is smile, act godly, and follow my lead.
Miguel Here's an order: take the day off!
Miguel The gods are speaking for themselves now.
Miguel There will be no more sacrifices. Not now, not ever.
Miguel Not bad for my first commandment, huh?
Miguel Vertical ascension requires a lot more rope.
Miguel And they call us Miguel and Tulio!
Miguel We'll follow that trail!
Miguel Even those mountains! You said it yourself, it could be possible! And it is! It really is the map to El Dorado!
Miguel I have been around boats, believe me, and that, um, the pointy, tall, um, the long up and down thing.
Miguel You know, speaking of kings, the chief and the high priest seem a bit, uh, tense.
Miguel [to Tzekel-Kan]
Hey, it was his stupid plan!
Miguel But, Tulio, this place is amazing.
Scenes with Miguel
30 scenes Miguel You fight like my sister!
I've fought your sister. That's a compliment.
Miguel [While running for their lives, they come to the edge of a roof, quite a distance from the waterfront.]
I'll bet we can make that.
Two pesetas says we can't.
Miguel You're on! [They jump of the edge and land in two barrels] You lose.
What's happening here?
Miguel We're both in barrels. That's the extent of my knowledge.
All right. In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats... and then, we... row back to Spain like there's no manana!
Miguel [Pause]
Back to Spain, yeah?
Yeah.
Miguel [uncertainly]
In... a rowboat.
Yeah!
Miguel [sarcastically]
Great. Sensational. And that's your plan, is it?
That's... pretty much it.
Miguel [delighted]
Well, I like it! So, how do we get on deck?
[pause]
In the dead of night, you and I grab some provisions, hijack one of those... longboats...
Miguel Altivo! Hey, Altivo! You want the nice apple? Come and get it! But, you have to do a trick for me first! All you have to do, is find a pry bar. It's a long piece of iron with a hooky thing at the end.
Miguel, you're talking to a horse!
Miguel Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar!
Yes, "find the pry bar". He doesn't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he could understand...
Miguel Hey, look on the positive side! At least things can't get-- [thunder rumbles and rain pours down]
Excuse me, were you about to say "worse?" Huh?
Miguel No.
No?
Miguel No. Absolutely. I've revised that whole… thing.
Miguel [Miguel and Tulio are stranded in the boat, together with Altivo]
Tulio, did you ever imagine it would end like this?
Miguel Any... regrets?
Besides dying? Yeah. I never... had enough... gold.
Miguel My regret, besides dying, is... our greatest adventure is over before it began, and no one will even remember us.
Well, if it's any consolation, Miguel, you... made my life... an adventure.
Miguel And if it's any consolation, Tulio, you made my life... rich.
[after seeing a skeleton on the beach]
All those in favor of getting back in the boat, say aye.
Miguel Aye!
Aye!
[Altivo snorts]
Apparently El Dorado is native for... great big ROCK!
Miguel Tulio, you don't think, Cortes could've gotten here before us and, and…
And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel!
Miguel Tulio, I just want you to know... I'm sorry about that girl in Barcelona.
Sor-- you-- you…
Miguel and Tulio!
Miguel Tulio and Miguel!
Together
Mighty and powerful gods!
Hello.
[both squeal]
Oh, then I suppose you'll be wanting these back? [produces Tulio's dice in her hand]
Miguel [raising eyebrows]
Where was she keeping them?
The little voice, remember? Remember the little voice? Well, just for a moment, imagine that you have one. Now, what would it be saying about Chel?
Miguel Uuuuum... [purrs]
[Miguel rescues the intended victim and drags him to safety.]
You do not want the tribute?
Miguel No no, we want tribute. It's just that, um... Tulio, tell him.
The stars are not in position for this tribute!
Miguel Like he said! Stars! … Can't do it… Not today.
Miguel You worry too much.
No, I worry exactly the right amount. You can never worry too much!
Go ahead. I'll cover for you.
Miguel Oh, yeah, thanks. So, what happened to Altivo? [He ducks out of sight.]
I dunno.
I dunno.
Oh my God, he's gone! He's loose! What am I gonna do?!
What… do you think… you are doing?
Miguel [chuckles]
Laying low?
Miguel Well don't blame me!
I BLAME YOU!
Miguel We need a miracle.
No, we need to cheat!
No? Who are you kidding? You're buying your own con!
Miguel At least I'm not dating mine!
I-- Ooh, low blow.
Hmm. [scratches the stone] Miguel. Miguel, wake up. We're there. Oh, yeah. We found it. We found it?
Miguel Oh! Fantastic! Where is it? How far?
Right here!
Miguel Where?
Here.
Miguel Behind the rock?
No, no. This is it.
Miguel [stammering, grabbing a map]
Give me that! This ca... What?
Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for... "Great... Big... ROCK!" [silence, as "ROCK!" echoes] Hey, but I tell you what. I'm feeling generous, so you can have my share!
Miguel Tulio, you don't think, Cortes could've gotten here before us and, and-
And what? Taken all the really big rocks? The scoundrel!
Miguel Tulio, you... We have to think about this. We've come all this way, and we should really, you know...
Get on the horse!
[Miguel sighs]
No, no, no, not with the face. [picks Miguel up] Stop. [clears throat] Looks like there's a pass right over there.
Miguel and Tulio
[A woman she named Chel. She runs up to hold bag of gold? A Tulio and Miguel, bumping to Altivo, then Altivo walks backwards, then the guards run up, then they gasp]
Hyah!
[the guards stop by Tulio and Miguel, then Altivo snorts, then Chel throws a rock to Tulio, then Tulio throws a rock to Chel, then throwing the rock back and forth] [chuckling]
I've... [the rock hits Tulio]
Uh, hello. Is this your rock? Sorry. We were just looking. We're, uh... We're tourists! Tourist. [clears throat] We lost our group. May we go now?
[Acolyte points the spear, then the guards follow by Acolyte, the Bibo looks at the stone, then the guard takes the rock to Chel]
Hey! Hey!
Miguel [Bibo looks at the guards, looking at the guards, then Acolyte walks in the waterfall, then they walk in the cave, then they get off of Altivo, then they walk in the boat, then Chel sits in the boat, then Miguel whistles, then the rocks fall down, then they look at the vines, gasping, then they all look at the light, gasping]
Oh, my... It's... It's...
Men
[whispering]
El Dorado.
[the boats continue riding down, with butterflies flying up, then Miguel looks at the fish, then Altivo puts a tail in the boat, then a boy walking with a woman with a pot, dropping it, then Bibo swims in a backstroke, then the boat arrives at the building, with a man running in the building, then cut to Chief, with a man whispering at Chief, then Acolyte walks in a building by Tzekel-Kan, chanting, then Acolyte whispers to Tzekel-Kan, pushing Acolyte, then cut back to Tulio and Miguel, walking up to the building]
["It's Tough to Be a God" begins]
♪I hardly think I'm qualified. To come across all sanctified. I just don't cut it with the cherubim.♪
Miguel [the baby bites Tulio's finger]
Tulio, what are you talking about? ♪There again, they're on their knees. Being worshipped is a breeze. Which rather suits us in. The interim.♪
♪Interim, interim, it's me and him.♪ Oh, my God!
All
♪It's tough to be a god!♪
♪Tread where mortals have not trod. Be deified when really you're a sham!♪
Miguel ♪It's a rather touching notion! All those prayers and those salaams!♪
♪And who am I to bridle? If I'm forced to be an idol? If they say that I'm a god. That's what I am! What's more if we don't comply, with the locals' wishes, I can see us being sacrificed. Or stuffed.♪
Miguel You have a point there. Very good thinking. ♪So let's be gods! The perks are great!♪
Yeah!
Miguel ♪El Dorado on our plates.♪
Thank you.
Miguel ♪Local feelings should not be rebuffed.♪
♪Never rebuffed. I never rebuff a local feeling. No, my friend.♪
All
♪It's tough to be a god! But if you get the people's nod! Count your blessings! Yeah, keep 'em sweet! That's our advice!♪
Miguel It's great advice!
All
♪Be a symbol of perfection! Be a legend, be a cult! Take their praise, take a collection! As the multitudes exalt!♪
Miguel ♪Don a supernatural habit!♪
♪We'd be crazy not to grab it!♪
Miguel You got it!
All
♪So sign on two new gods for paradise! Paradise!♪
[they both tap their cups, then Chief dances with the group, then Altivo dances, laying down on the ground, fade to black]
Miguel ♪Tons of gold for you, hah!♪
♪And tons of gold for me, hoo!♪
Miguel and Tulio
♪And tons of gold for we, ah!♪
Not bad for a day's work, eh?
Miguel Not bad at all.
Yeah. We just became richer than the king of Spain. [laughing]
Miguel You know, speaking of kings, the chief and the high priest seem a bit, uh, tense.
Buenos Dias! Listen, all we have to do is keep playing the one against the other. You know, do a little god dance, chant some mystic mumbo jumbo, dazzle 'em with some smoke and mirrors and then get the hell back to Spain.
Miguel Um, Tulio, how are we gonna get all this back to Spain?
Ummm...
A boat?
Yeah.
Miguel Um, we really hate to be ascending so soon, but, uh, some urgent business has come up, family matters, you know, and it's just a bit...
Yeah, family.
Miguel Badda-bing, budda-boom, you know what I mean?
Oh, we expected you to be staying with us for the next thousand years.
Well, as we say in the spirit world, there's your plan and then, there's the gods' plan.
Miguel Mm-hmm.
And our plan, uh, calls for a boat, 'cause we're gonna ascend kind of in a horizontal pattern at first.
Hmm. To build a boat large and glorious enough, would take about a week.
A week? Hmm.
Miguel Um...
Uh, I wonder how long it would take Tzekel-Kan to do it.
But for the gods, uh, three days.
Uh...
Miguel Well, if that's the best you can do.
Oh, perhaps if you were not burdened with so much tribute, you could leave sooner.
Miguel Hmm?
Hmm? I like it here. Miguel?
Miguel Yep, yep. Three days is just fine.
Miguel Well, it's, um, uh, nice.
Nice?
Miguel Yes, nice. But? Um, but, uh, is it really fit for the gods?
My lord.
Miguel [chuckling]
I have been around boats, believe me, and that, um, the pointy, tall, um, the long up and down thing.
The mast?
Miguel The mast, yes, yes. The mast is good. Well, look at it. [stammering] There's not nearly enough, uh, um, rope.
Rope?
Miguel Yes, rope. Exactly my point. Vertical ascension requires a lot more, uh, rope.
My lord. [chuckling]
Miguel And look at this. [grunting, tapping on the bloat, clears his throat] This doesn't look at all secure. Chief, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but in all, it is a complete do-over. [continues looking down]
Hmm. You know, Lord Miguel, if you wish to stay, you only need to say so.
Miguel You mean, forever?
Of course.
Miguel [looks at a cave]
Oh, no, I can't. I have to go back with Tulio. We're... We're partners.
Big plans in the other world, huh?
Miguel Yep. Big plans.
Well, then, I better go get some more rope, huh?
Miguel Oh, Chief, um, forget about the rope. Um, my mistake.
Hey, to err is human.
[Miguel looks at Chief, stepping in a boat, walking up the building]
Mm-hmm.
[laughing]
I don't think so. I... I'll tell you what. Uh, I'll let you come back to Spain with us, like you wanted, and, um, yeah, I can see my way clear to throwing you, mmm, ten percent?
Ohh! Like you don't wanna go to Spain.
Oh, like you don't want me to want to go to Spain.
I want you to want...
Mm-hmm?
...what you want.
Mm-hmm. Go on.
All right. Cards on the table. Uh, I want you to come to Spain with me and Miguel. Mostly me. Especially me. Only me. Forget Miguel.
Well, as long as that's what you want. Me too.
Okay. Deal?
Miguel [Altivo walks to Miguel, gasping]
"Forget Miguel"? [sniffling] Well, forget Tulio. [walks down by Altivo]
[Altivo walks down by Miguel]
Miguel Chief Tanni! Chief Tanni! I've decided to stay.
Oh, this is wonderful news. What a glorious day for El Dorado. Lord Miguel has decided to live among us!
Tulio! Is everything okay?
[cut to El Dorado, then the music begins "Friends Never Say Goodbye" by Elton John playing, looking around, walking by Miguel, putting gold in the bag, looking at the map, ripping it, then Miguel looks at a name, saying, "Tulio", knocking the statue, then tying the bag, hitting Miguel, carrying a bag, the Miguel puts a hat on, wrapping a blanket around him, then Miguel continues walking away, then Miguel walks by Tulio, then Tulio walks down, then Miguel walks down, then walking to Chief, then they laugh, then Chief hugs Tulio, then Chief shakes his hand, then Tulio walks away, then Miguel looks at Chel, then Chel kisses Miguel, then Tulio claps his hands]
Man
Take care.
Child
We'll miss you!
Thank you.
Miguel [Altivo nickers at Tulio, licking his fingers, then shaking it off, licking Tulio, then Chel pushes Tulio, then Chief and Miguel walk up, then Tulio dries his hair, then Chel walks away by Tulio, then Chel walks to a boat, then Miguel walks to Tulio]
Well, good luck.
Yeah. You too. [walks to Chel, then they climb up]
Miguel [Miguel walks away by Altivo, then Altivo looks at Miguel walking away]
Whoa. Whoa, boy, what is it? [Altivo nickers, then they hear explosions, looking at Miguel along with Chel and Tulio]
Miguel Cortes.
Man
[panicked]
Chief Tanni! Chief Tanni! Approaching the city, is an army of strangers.
We are safe here. They'll never find the gate to the city.
Man
But, sire, they are being led by Tzekel-Kan.
Miguel [the guards all shout and as the crowd starts in panic]
Chief, you cannot fight them!
Then how can we stop them?
Miguel We can't.
Uh-huh. And?
Here's the gate.
Okay.
Here's the boat.
Got that. And?
Well, here's the "goat," and here's the "bate."
Tulio!
[Tulio his Bibo, who stops drinking his cup, spilling water out, knocking the necklace] [gasping]
That's it. We'll crash the boat into the pillars.
That's it? I mean... But... [scoffs] What about the gold?
Well... [sobbing, in a whinny voice] Chief! [clears throat, in a normal voice] Chief. I've got a plan.
Cortes
[cut to Crotes and the guards, and Tzekel-Kan]
It better be there, for your sake.
[Tulio rows a boat, then Chel shakes her head, looking at Miguel]
Okay, chief, on my signal! Ready! HIT THE PILLARS!
NOW!
[the man uses a log to push and break the whole rocks, then Tulio looks at the whole rocks breaking]
They're breaking too fast!
Tulio, the sail!
Miguel [the men try to pull a statue, breaking the ropes, then they both shout, then Chief gasps, grabbing the ropes]
They're not gonna make it. Altivo! [jumps on Altivo, running to the boat]
Are you crazy?
[Miguel and Altivo jump on the boat in slow motion, then they continue pulling, then flying in slow motion, grabbing the sail]
Get off the boat, Miguel, or you'll never see the city again.
Miguel I know. [takes the hat off] You don't think I'm gonna let you have all the fun, do you? Come on. We've got a wave to catch. [grabs a paddle to Tulio, pointing to Chief]
[they all release the statue, then Miguel yells, then Chel whimpers, then grabbing a lever]
Get out of the way!
Miguel Huh?
Huh?
Miguel [they duck, then Bibo runs on the gold]
Hold on!
[they all go in the cave, breaking the sail, then knocking the gold on the walls]
We're gonna have to hit it BROADSIDE!
Miguel THAT'S YOUR PLAN? But the gold!
I know!
[the boat stops on a wall, then they all jump out of the boat, then they splash in the water, with rocks falling in the water, with waterfall spitting out, then they all cough] [panting]
We made it. It worked. [chuckling] It worked.
Wait. Get down! [grabs Tulio] There they are. [they all look at Cortes and Tzekel-Kan]
Cortes
[walks to Tzekel-Kan]
You lying heathen. There's nothing here at all.
No. Wait. Wait.
Cortes
[pushes Tzekel-Kan]
Men, seize him!
WHAT? [the men grab Tzekel-Kan]
Cortes
There is no El Dorado here. Onward, men. [the guards continues takes Tzekel-Kan away, gasps, then Chel waves]
[they all look at the guards taking Tzekel-Kan away, then Altivo blows, then they all laugh]
Yes!
Miguel Now that was an adventure.
Yes. Yes, it was. And, um... [sobbing] ...it was so much gold!
Miguel [Tulio sighs, then Miguel gets up] [puts his hand out]
Partner. [grabs Tulio's hand]
Partner.
Miguel But, uh, we don't have a map.
We don't have a plan.
Well, that's what makes it interesting. [Altivo nods in agreement]
Miguel What are we waiting for? [Miguel and Tulio go on Altivo]
Let's follow that trail! Hyah! [Miguel and Tulio fall off Altivo] Come on, boys!
Miguel Sit, boy! Sit! [the screen puts up "The End"]
[gets back up.]
Chel, we're not on the horse! [they both run to get Altivo as Chel laughs; as the end credits begin, the armadillo chases some butterflies and grabs and eats one, ending the movie and continues the end credits]
Other characters in The Road to El Dorado
More Kenneth Branagh characters
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Victor Frankenstein
Gilderoy Lockhart
Niels Bohr
Dr. Arliss Loveless
Major-General Henning von Tresckow
Commander Bolton